Nottingham Incident: Relatives should be given privacy, not be expected to attend public events

[tttigress]

Obviously it is hard to imagine what relatives of those killed in Nottingham this week are going through.

But surely the best thing to do is give them privacy, not arrange public events and expect them to attend and even speak?

I guess some might say it's their choice to attend. But if you organise an event and give them the option to attend, they might agree while not being in a fit mental state to make a decision. So therefore best not to have an event.

Maybe they find it comforting and yet here are a bunch of absolute arseholes telling them the opposite.

Honestly just leave them alone I think if they didn't want to do these things they would be fine saying no, they are grieving but they aren't stupid 🤬

Wow. You expect 90 per cent of the population to think and feel as you do? That is absolutely gobsmacking narcissism OP. ‘Surely most people are similar to me’.

OP, at the risk of blowing your mind, this is a world with a huge varied population of all sorts of people who think and experience things in different ways. I would bet my bottom dollar no one really thinks and feels in the exact same way as anyone else. Assuming everyone else is the same as you and allowing no possibility for diversity of thought is really damaging.

And even if they did…what about the 10 per cent who don’t? Should they just shut up because it makes you feel uncomfortable?

The University made it clear to the press that the families would be attending the vigil but there were to be no interviews or questions, from the press or anyone else. There was absolutely no pressure on the families.

The fathers decided last minute to speak and oh my goodness how amazing they were. They are clearly very warm compassionate families and you could visibly see them gaining strength from the love and support around them. They wanted everyone to know what wonderful young adults they were. I thought it was so moving and touching and brave.

I too thought the Fathers were impressive, but like the OP I am slightly concerned that these events can become a spectacle for the benefit of those of us who didn't know the children well. We might even begin to enjoy the grief rather in the way many enjoy watching a weepy film.

If however the events do benefit the immediate family and close friends then they clearly are for the best.

Usually relatives do a press conference, but because they were two students I guess that the Uni asked them to attend the vigil and that clearly knew a lot of the people who went to the one there.
I didn't see the other one , but I can imagine it must have been very difficult for all the families involved , but they felt they needed to do this.
I'm sure they wouldn't have done any of it if they didn't want to.

As far as I've read, the families wanted these events and interviews,

I am not commenting on the Nottingham case apart from to say the families have my admiration and heartfelt sympathy, but I don't share your confidence that all grieving families wouldn't necessarily feel pressure to attend such public events. They might well feel that they would be letting down their recently deceased child if they did not attend.

Reported this too. It’s not up to you OP as to how these three families grieve. The sons of Ian Coates said at the vigil that they were absolutely overwhelmed hearing how loved and respected their father was by so many , even more than they’d realised . I should imagine this brought them comfort.
I should imagine the three families wanted to know that their loved ones mattered and will be remembered by so many in Nottingham.