Incident in bar

[Orangetree34]

Not sure what the AIBU is here but I'm just shocked by what happened and questioning if I acted OK or if there was nothing I could do here.

Out with friends and go up to the bar by myself to order drinks for my round. Its a long bar and not that busy. I'm roughly right in the middle of it and to my left about 2metres away there is another couple already waiting.

Bar tender finishes last customer and then automatically looks at me to ask what I'd like. I obviously wasn't first in queue but due to being right in the middle of the bar and in easier view I assume he'd not seen the couple.

I immediately indicated left and explained the couple was before me so it was there turn.

However, the very fact bar tender had assumed I was first had really angered the man in the couple and he proceeded to imply it was due to racism (the couple were black, me white, bar tender white) and commented that it was no surprise 'the white woman got served first' despite he and his wife waiting patiently.

I made a shocked face when hearing myself referred to as 'the white woman' and realising what he was implying. Man from couple saw and proceeded to explain they'd been waiting a while, to which I replied ' I know, that's why I told him you were first.'

Bar tender was trying to explain that it was just a misunderstanding etc but couple had had enough and got up and left without buying any drinks. Not sure if they went to the manager to complain or not.

This happened in a major city in UK that is diverse etc so not some backward town.

I don't wish to invalidate couples feelings if they genuinely felt race was at play but at the same time, I wasn't attempting to queue jump them at all or use my 'white privilege' and bar tender was very apologetic and looked horrified at suggestion he was being racist. When I heard race being mentioned as being motive for the incident, I actually felt sick and like I shouldn't say anything or get too involved in case they got more offended.

What else could have been done aside from explaining they were first??

I don't know what happened before I got to the bar so maybe things went on I didn't see.

If he didn't know who had been waiting the longest he should have used his words and asked.

Educate yourself.

White privilege or male privilege aren’t about malicious individual intent. They are about the automatic privilege granted by society. If you’re white, you’re a a recipient of white privilege - it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible racist.

How sad that you’ve learnt nothing, OP.

Slow clap for sharing your horrible uncomfortableness here.

Exactly. We've had white fragility and white privilege, also on this thread.
Two of the most obnoxious, passive aggressive phrases ever invented. Ironically, they are used in response to perceived racism.

Slow clap for (deliberately) adding to her discomfort, by your being passive aggressive.

I’ve worked in bars. You make an effort to keep a mental tab of who arrived in what order. When it’s only two punters, it’s really easy.

As such, it’s very possible the barman was having a racist moment. I don’t blame people for reacting when it keeps happening to them.

Exactly. Won’t someone think about the poor, oppressed whites?

ffs. This place is becoming more like the Mail comments section every day