To think DH could talk to me if I have nausea.

Shortbreadwhite · 2023-06-17T00:14:38+00:00

I’m feeling absolutely awful at 13 weeks pregnant. DH sits on his phone all evening and doesn’t say anything all evening. I asked if he was ok as he’s done this a lot lately and he said yes just not going to talk to you if you’re sick. I said it would be quite nice to have a little distraction and maybe an offer of some water. He said he’s not a fucking mind reader. I said ok, that’s made me feel a lot like you don’t care, if that’s how you feel just say. He shouted he does not care because he’s done nothing wrong. I tried to diffuse it and apologised for being an inconvenience and that if he needs quiet time that’s ok with me. He said that it doesn’t cross his mind to chat or ask if I need anything. Aibu to think Christ I’ve made a mistake having a baby with this man.

Landndialamrhf · 17/06/2023 01:17

I don’t understand
do you mean he can’t talk to you because you feel sick. Like at all.
or do you mean he doesn’t want to sit in the bathroom with you whilst you’re sick?

if it’s the latter I think it’s fair enough really if it’s been going on a while, but he could check on you, bring you water, try and help around the actual vomiting part.

if it’s the former then I’ve got no idea what tire going to do going forward because he sounds stupid and awful

Ace56 · 17/06/2023 01:18

Sorry but yes, it does sound like you’ve made a mistake. He’s behaving like a dick. You shouldn’t have to apologise for ‘being an inconvenience’!

Original poster

Shortbreadwhite · 17/06/2023 01:20

Because I said I felt sick… I haven’t been sick this evening thanks to the Ondansetron!

He said if I’m not happy with how he is I can move out. Just mindblown at the change of character.

OP posts:

UpaladderwatchingTV · 17/06/2023 01:22

Sorry OP, but I think if this is his attitude at this stage, I'd be rethinking this pregnancy. Having a family with a man as selfish as this would be a big NO from me, and I'd seriously be thinking about whether I wanted to commit to spending any more time with him either. I think you have some BIG decisions to make before it's too late, and please don't be that woman who comes on here in a year or so's time saying that you have a baby with this man, he doesn't care about you or your child, but you can't possibly leave him, because it's not financially viable. Think hard NOW!

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/06/2023 01:24

At 13 weeks you have a lot of choices but you have to make them soon.

I'm so sorry he's an arsehole.

Original poster

Shortbreadwhite · 17/06/2023 01:26

I will be so sad to say goodbye to this baby but I am questioning massively if the baby deserves a life like this.

His hate for women has become really intense lately, constantly saying things like all women are pathetic. It’s just weird.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 17/06/2023 01:28

Whatever you decide about the baby you need to leave this awful man

steff13 · 17/06/2023 01:30

He sounds like a terrible person and while I wouldn't personally terminate the pregnancy I certainly wouldn't be going forward with it with him as my partner. Obviously that choice is up to you though.

That said I can't have people talking to me while I'm nauseated. It's a rule in my house so I probably wouldn't necessarily be making conversation with someone who was sick to give them the same consideration that I expect when I'm sick.

Thatboymum · 17/06/2023 01:31

sounds harsh but I’d rather not have the baby and leave him than be trapped for the next 16+ years parenting with him because it’s going to be so hard. I’d run while you can

user1473878824 · 17/06/2023 02:09

He’s being a dick but you apologising for being an inconvenience is so passive aggressive. Which then makes me thing you did a big stroppy thing about him not offering you a glass of water because, and I might be wrong, he isn’t a mind reader. People are telling you to perhaps abort your baby but maybe actually you’re both being arseholes?

Moro93 · 17/06/2023 02:16

I’m presuming at some point you wanted this baby and you’re saying you’d be sorry to say goodbye to it, which is quite baffling as you don’t have to? It is possible to end this relationship without having an abortion.

I’m surprised how many people are jumping to tell OP to abort. Don’t make a spur of the moment decision. It’s not a requirement to stay with this man in order to keep your baby…

k1233 · 17/06/2023 02:24

user1473878824 · 17/06/2023 02:09

He’s being a dick but you apologising for being an inconvenience is so passive aggressive. Which then makes me thing you did a big stroppy thing about him not offering you a glass of water because, and I might be wrong, he isn’t a mind reader. People are telling you to perhaps abort your baby but maybe actually you’re both being arseholes?

I agree. It makes me wonder how often OP acts like that. IME with people who use that sort of wording it's continuous, not a once off.

evuscha · 17/06/2023 02:41

Wow his behavior is disgusting. I’m currently also pregnant with a lot of sickness (and medication) and it’s such a rough and vulnerable time. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I wouldn’t abort a wanted baby but I would take him up on his offer and move out.

Missingmyusername · 17/06/2023 02:45

I’d move out.
If you no longer want the baby then there are choices to be made sooner rather than later. You don’t need your partner around, he sounds awful.

Aprilx · 17/06/2023 03:26

He does sound awful and I worry for how this could escalate.

That said, I would be annoyed if my husband said to me “an offer of water would be nice”. And I might also say something back about mind reading too. And your comment about being an inconvenience is sarcastic and I am not even sure if it is passive aggressive and not plain old aggressive.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/06/2023 03:53

Moro93 · 17/06/2023 02:16

I’m presuming at some point you wanted this baby and you’re saying you’d be sorry to say goodbye to it, which is quite baffling as you don’t have to? It is possible to end this relationship without having an abortion.

I’m surprised how many people are jumping to tell OP to abort. Don’t make a spur of the moment decision. It’s not a requirement to stay with this man in order to keep your baby…

People are reminding the OP she has choices. She gets to decide.

And he is showing his misogyny now sh's pregnant. It's common for men to start to be properly abusive in pregnancy when you're trapped. Reminding OP that she isn't, in fact, trapped isn't a problem.

Tying yourself to an abusive man for at least 18 years, but in fact the rest of your life, is something to consider.

Moro93 · 17/06/2023 03:58

@MrsTerryPratchett Yes, she does have choices. But I’m just surprised that this was the first thing that people jumped to rather than just telling her to leave him? Deciding to abort a baby that she previously wanted isn’t something that should be taken lightly.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/06/2023 04:12

Spending the rest of your life connected to a misogynist man,raising a child with a misogynist man, shouldn't be taken lightly either.

BadNomad · 17/06/2023 04:15

Leaving him wouldn't mean she is free of him. He will always be able to abuse her and make her life difficult if she is tied to him by a child. For the next 18 years at least anyway. That is just as huge a choice as having an abortion.

Moro93 · 17/06/2023 04:41

So if he is truly misogynistic and abusive, then she has a case to make for him to have no access to the child.

Not all children are born into perfect, happy families. Not all women who split with a partner (abusive or not) during pregnancy have to abort.

It’s the OP’s choice, the point I was making is that she shouldn’t make spur of the moment decisions. She should think through all of her options carefully and decide which is best for her. If she rushes into an abortion for a baby that she wants in a bid to rid herself of this man as quickly as possible, she could regret it.

AngelAurora · 17/06/2023 04:41

Shortbreadwhite · 17/06/2023 01:20

Because I said I felt sick… I haven’t been sick this evening thanks to the Ondansetron!

He said if I’m not happy with how he is I can move out. Just mindblown at the change of character.

I would do exactly that, your husband is not a nice man.

WilkinsonM · 17/06/2023 04:50

Has he really changed character in the past 13 weeks or has he always been an arsehole?
if you can bear it, I would do exactly what you're thinking of. Having a baby with an arsehole is a recipe for a miserable life.

ProfessorXtra · 17/06/2023 04:59

Moro93 · 17/06/2023 04:41

So if he is truly misogynistic and abusive, then she has a case to make for him to have no access to the child.

Not all children are born into perfect, happy families. Not all women who split with a partner (abusive or not) during pregnancy have to abort.

It’s the OP’s choice, the point I was making is that she shouldn’t make spur of the moment decisions. She should think through all of her options carefully and decide which is best for her. If she rushes into an abortion for a baby that she wants in a bid to rid herself of this man as quickly as possible, she could regret it.

Where do you live that courts stop children seeing their father due to being misogynistic?

The bar to stop abusive men seeing their kids is, unfortunately, very high.

But also you don't get to tell people they can't share their opinion. I don't see your issue with it. No one told her she have an abortion. They reminded her she has choices. Which in that posters opinion, she should be aware of.

IncomingTraffic · 17/06/2023 05:40

Changes in men once you’re pregnant are not uncommon.

It sounds like he’s punishing you for feeling sick. I’m going to guess that he doesn’t like that you’re not giving him enough attention and focusing on his needs so he’s being nasty to you. If that’s what’s happening, he’ll be much worse after the baby is here and you have a newborn who really does require all your attention.

Their misogyny often gets exposed in these situations. Both because they feel you’re stuck with them, so they don’t have to try to hide it, but largely because they feel entitled to your attention and care and are angry that you have to focus on looking after yourself or your children so you aren’t pandering to him. He doesn’t care that you feel terrible. He just cares about himself.

GoodChat · 17/06/2023 07:01

I don't think we can comment on him refusing to interact without knowing his side. Some people are exhausting when they feel even slightly unwell.

The huge change in attitude is a big issue, though. And the misogyny.

Wait til he sees you in childbirth and tell him to tell you women are weak then!

Was the baby planned? Has he really only recently changed or have you only noticed it more?