Over month ago we had my two grandchildren overnight. I love them to bits and we try very hard to make them comfortable and to feel at home, but I freely admit that I find it difficult sometimes. We are getting on a bit and neither of us are in very good health. I also believe in good manners, including good table manners, and I am quite strict.
To set the scene - I had the week before had to see my GP, and she had referred me to a two week wait appointment at the hospital, which was due just a few days after we had the children, so I was very stressed and more cross with the children when they misbehaved than I would normally be. The eldest (12) was being particularly obnoxious, and I did something I thought right at the time but which my daughter considers unforgivable (not physical violence and not dangerous). On dropping the children home I told her what I had done as I knew she wouldn't like it. I realise it was wrong.
The week after, I was diagnosed with cancer. I messaged my children to let them know, no response from that daughter. I had some items of school uniform for one of my grandchildren that I was sewing name tags on and dropped them over, but she wouldn't even look at me and certainly hasn't thanked me. I have tried to contact her on numerous occasions but she won't take my calls so I couldn't even tell her how sorry I am.
Last week.she sent me the most awful letter - telling me what a terrible mother I had been, listing awful things I had done and how she had made allowances for me but wasn't going to do it any more. It was so very hurtful and I cried all afternoon. I replied to tell her how sorry I was for everything - no response. I know I wasn't a very good mother when my children were growing up and I have apologised to my children for that several times, but I always tried to do my best, it just wasn't good enough. I really struggled, we were very poor, I wasn't happy in my marriage and my upbringing meant that I always felt that I wasn't good enough so I set myself, and my children, impossible standards. Despite that I thought I had managed to do quite a good job, but I obviously havent. I have also tried to support my children now they are adults, without interfering, and that has been at considerable cost (not so much financial, more mental and time) to myself.
The letter was so very hurtful, I have apologised, I still wake up crying and the pain from that and the worry about my daughter is way more than my worry about my cancer, but she still won't talk to me.
I don't know what to do now. She obviously wants something else from me but I don't know what that is. If I did know what it was I would do it if I can. I start chemotherapy next week, my mental resilience is already very low and my physical resilience will be severely depleted. I have to be strong for my husband, who isn't well himself, I need my daughter back and I don't know how I am going to manage. It's not that she does things for me, because usually it is us that is doing things for them, I just want my (previously) lovely daughter back.