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Original poster

WWYD - Excluded from birthday party

59 replies

babbscrabbs · 16/06/2023 00:17

I socialise with a group of women in a sport I do, we're on the same team. We don't actually get to play often but we all get along. I really like them all and thought it was mutual and we do get together socially from time to time.

I found out one of them is having a big birthday in a few weeks and going to a concert in a nearby city to celebrate. I also happen to have tickets to the concert, which sold out some time ago. I have found out that the rest of the team were invited to go along together for her birthday. I was not invited. Some of the team now know I'm going along too.

What do I do? Hope I don't see them? Ignore them? Make a point of saying hi? It all feels very awkward. They're not super close friends, but clearly I'm not in the inner circle. The venue isn't huge so there's a high chance I'll bump into them.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 16/06/2023 00:18

Who are you going with?

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 16/06/2023 00:20

A breezy text of Oh I'm Going To The Concert Too, Shall I Meet You Beforehand?

That's the response of someone who isn't secretly worried they've been intentionally excluded

The tone of the response will answer both questions

Stripedbag101 · 16/06/2023 00:35

I would invite myself to someone else’s party as per the previous suggestion.

But if you bump into them be friendly, wish the birthday girl happy birthday. Don’t linger too long.

you never really know why you are excluded. I have been frozen out by a friend - I assume I have said something that has offended her. Probably something I didn’t mean or she has picked up incorrectly. Not a super close friend but I noticed I am excluded from things she organises.

im not really that bothered. I am now
too old to torture myself over what people think about me.

enjoy the concert - don’t give this a second thought.

Original poster
babbscrabbs · 16/06/2023 00:37

pizzaHeart · 16/06/2023 00:18

Who are you going with?

My partner

OP posts:
Original poster
babbscrabbs · 16/06/2023 00:38

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 16/06/2023 00:20

A breezy text of Oh I'm Going To The Concert Too, Shall I Meet You Beforehand?

That's the response of someone who isn't secretly worried they've been intentionally excluded

The tone of the response will answer both questions

Unfortunately I'm unable to meet them beforehand otherwise I'd consider joining them briefly

OP posts:
Original poster
babbscrabbs · 16/06/2023 00:40

Stripedbag101 · 16/06/2023 00:35

I would invite myself to someone else’s party as per the previous suggestion.

But if you bump into them be friendly, wish the birthday girl happy birthday. Don’t linger too long.

you never really know why you are excluded. I have been frozen out by a friend - I assume I have said something that has offended her. Probably something I didn’t mean or she has picked up incorrectly. Not a super close friend but I noticed I am excluded from things she organises.

im not really that bothered. I am now
too old to torture myself over what people think about me.

enjoy the concert - don’t give this a second thought.

I think this is the tack I will take. It will be a bit awkward and obvious to all I've been excluded, but I don't actually care that much tbh (as I'm going anyway!). I'm more curious as to why but you're right, I must try not to care.

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 16/06/2023 00:43

You might have been inadvertently overlooked. Or is it possible you had already mentioned the concert to someone and they have said 'oh, @babbscrabbs is going with her partner already?'

If not, it's a shame, but you wouldn't have been able to go anyway, so I would say just try and put it behind you and focus on other friendships.

Carrusa · 16/06/2023 00:43

Are you sure every other one of them is going? Is it really inner circle Vs you or is it just that the birthday person has closer friends in the team than you? I'm just wondering if it might not be quite as exclusionary as it feels.

Anyway that's a bit beside the point. I think I'd just chat for a few mins if you bump into them and not worry about it. The main thing is it'll be a great night out with your partner.

Sweetener12 · 16/06/2023 08:07

I wouldn't view it as a big deal and would just go to the cocert to enjoy it, and shall I meet them there, I'd say hi and Happy birthday to the birthday girl, and then just continue with my day.
The reasons why you were excluded are unclear and will probably stay that way, maybe you are not as close as a group, or other people were closer to the birthday girl than you or something, but I wouldn't give it a second thought. If you know there was nothing that would cause a strike between you, then there is nothing to worry about. Enjoy the concert and continue as usual when you meet them next time.

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 08:12

If you bump in, just say hi.

are you going alone?

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 08:14

How long have you been in the team and did you join when most were already present?

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 08:15

So you will be there with your partner

and whilst you get on well with this group, you don’t play very often with them and don’t socialise with them.

so you’re sorted, just “hi” enjoy and see you at next practise

EggInANest · 16/06/2023 08:18

Excited ‘Hi! Happy Birthday xx! This is great isn’t it? See you next week’ … disappear to bar / your partner etc.

NeverThatSerious · 16/06/2023 08:31

Did they maybe know you already had tickets and plans with your partner? It may also have just been accidental. That being said, it’s always hurtful to feel excluded, I myself have just been.. sidelined a little from a group of mum friends I had considered to be friends, albeit new ones, and it does hurt, but breezy and unbothered is the best way to handle it imo. Enjoy the concert!

Original poster
babbscrabbs · 16/06/2023 09:16

Thanks for all your responses

They definitely didn't know it already had tickets.

It was quite embarrassing as lots of us (but not birthday girl as she was working) were all together down the pub when it came up and I found out and a few of them seemed surprised that I wasn't invited and it was just very cringe.

As far as I know there are other people going too - It's not just our group - and I'm not sure who's actually organized it. I have a feeling that may not be the birthday girl herself. Another one who isn't in our group but is friendly with us I don't think likes me very much (for no good reason).

Maybe they are closer with her and I just didn't realize. I wouldn't have automatically expected to have been invited to her birthday normally. It was only when I found out who else was that I felt a bit put out, and then it was really awkward when the others were asking why I wasn't going and didn't know about it.

OP posts:
JKrowlings · 18/06/2023 16:03

I’d just ignore them. If you see them and they try to talk to you just look embarrassed for them and tell them you’re here with another person and turn your back.

The sound like a coven of bitches so you’re better off distancing yourself.

OwlBabiesAreCute · 18/06/2023 16:05

Why does it matter? You can't go anyway!

ShimmeringShirts · 18/06/2023 16:06

Why is it awkward? Surely you just acknowledge that you’re not friends with the woman and that’s why you’re not going to her birthday celebration? That’s not awkward unless you make it.

midsomermurderess · 18/06/2023 16:07

If you have tickets, and are going with your partner, you’d not have gone with them anyway. Did you want to be invited anyway?

Hollyppp · 18/06/2023 16:16

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 08:15

So you will be there with your partner

and whilst you get on well with this group, you don’t play very often with them and don’t socialise with them.

so you’re sorted, just “hi” enjoy and see you at next practise

This!

Just be chill and do exactly as you would do if you were going with DP and no other drama. Enjoy the show and if you see them say hi, be friendly and go home as normal

MissingMoominMamma · 18/06/2023 16:19

JKrowlings · 18/06/2023 16:03

I’d just ignore them. If you see them and they try to talk to you just look embarrassed for them and tell them you’re here with another person and turn your back.

The sound like a coven of bitches so you’re better off distancing yourself.

That’s a little bit over the top!

ShandaLear · 18/06/2023 16:23

These people are your sports colleagues, not your friends, and you don’t normally socialise, so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that you weren’t invited. As a PP said, if you see them be happy, excited, say ‘Aren’t they brilliant? Been looking forward to this for ages’, and that’s all.

midsomermurderess · 18/06/2023 16:24

MissingMoominMamma · 18/06/2023 16:19

That’s a little bit over the top!

Show quote history

Isn’t it just. To be so flouncy and with your nose so evidently out of joint is a bit de trop. If they hadn’t asked you, that sort of behaviour would validate that decision.

ATerrorofLeftovers · 18/06/2023 16:29

I expect if you bump into birthday girl it’ll be more embarrassing for her than you. The fact she hasn’t invited you, and others are puzzled, also won’t reflect well on her. If you bump into them I’d be giving the impression of being unconcerned. I get why it hurts though. Sorry OP.

GalileoHumpkins · 18/06/2023 16:42

JKrowlings · 18/06/2023 16:03

I’d just ignore them. If you see them and they try to talk to you just look embarrassed for them and tell them you’re here with another person and turn your back.

The sound like a coven of bitches so you’re better off distancing yourself.

Meanwhile in the real world, just say 'hi, enjoy the concert everyone' and go back to getting on with your night.

Also just wondering how exactly does someone send a 'breezy' text?

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