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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite peed off?

64 replies

PrincessP3ach · 15/06/2023 17:34

Hi,

NC for this, just really wanted a rant, abit of advice on this issue and some views from others to see if I've overreacted. Ive had no issues like this with DP before and I'm very confused why in the run up to us doing something nice that he's decided to act like this.

Ive been with DP for 1.5 years. We have a holiday booked for Saturday. I paid for the holiday- hotel, trains, attractions etc. We both work but have had to budget abit this month for the holiday expenses on top of bills etc and both have had time off since monday to obviously get organised for going away. We have a family member staying in the house whilst we are away, so also incorporate housework into the week too so it looks presentable for the person to stay over.

The issue is DP has really pissed me off this week. Here's just some of them for reference...

•Since Monday he's gone out for hours and left me to pick up the slack (washing,housework, sorting everything out, packing, etc), hes mainly been at his mums "sunbathing" and clearly drinking.

•DP was expecting some money to come through this morning (not a great amount, around £300 but would of helped to relieve full expenses from me next week) went out this mums at 8am and was supposed to be an hour. I popped out at 1.30pm and came back at 3.45 to £12 on the table, with a note saying it was for a takeaway tonight for me as he was away out, bags of cloths from his mums which I'm assuming is the holiday stuff he wants to pack and his bank card gone...

•We also had about £50 in change put away which was to cover us for any last minute bits and pieces to pick up for the holiday if needed and for a takeaway tomorrow to save on dishes, I went for it today and noticed there £10 left. He wasn't in when I discovered this so I just put the remainder in my purse and popped to my mums for something. When I came back and after noticing the above point I checked my purse which was on the table to see the £10 and whatever loose change I had was gone.

He popped home about 30 minutes ago as he had forgot his charger, picked it up and was about to leave, he was already clearly drunk. I just saw red and had a rant at him about how selfish he is and asked why he's left me to do everything and pay for everything whilst he's passing his money up the wall, not to mention stealing and using my money and whatever was left aside for last minute expenses. His response was that I'm just pissed off that he had a couple of beers, it will only take him 5 minutes to pack his stuff and there's all day tomorrow to get everything done and the house in order. Apparently I'm unreasonable and out of order. He's now stormed out saying if I don't collect him tonight then he will either be back tomorrow morning and if im still like this, he probably won't be coming on holiday at all then.

OP posts:
Inkyblue123 · 15/06/2023 17:36

go On holiday on your own

FionnulaTheCooler · 15/06/2023 17:38

Bin him off, he's a total cocklodger.

SullysBabyMama · 15/06/2023 17:39

Ditch him.

cartagenagina · 15/06/2023 17:41

This relationship has run its course and it’s time he fucked off.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 15/06/2023 17:42

I've been with someone like him and it doesn't get better OP.

Run, as fast as you can.

MagpiePi · 15/06/2023 17:42

Put all his stuff in bin bags and leave them outside, change the locks, go on holiday on your own and bin off this loser.

L3ThirtySeven · 15/06/2023 17:43

YANBU about him just helping himself to money and seemingly not paying you back his share of the holiday expenses.

I do think you are quite OTT though about the getting house ready and packing for a holiday on Saturday. It doesn’t take a full week to do this. I take it you don’t have children either? Even with our four DC, I’d spend the day before doing all the laundry and DH and I will clean the house. Packing takes fifteen minutes for all of us plus when they were little fifteen minutes to checked they packed their bags well. So it all can easily be done the day before. And we never would get a takeaway the night before, DH or I always cook dinner.

So I dont understand why you are upset that he’s been over at his mums most days this week and had a few drinks?

Roundandnour · 15/06/2023 17:48

If he brought his clothes to yours does he live with you?

potniatheron · 15/06/2023 17:51

Go on holiday by yourself and bin him off.

So many red flags.

Not bothering to help you pack or clean, stealing money, disappearing for hours, speaking to you disrespectfully, day drinking.

Are you SURE he's been at his mum's?

HollaHolla · 15/06/2023 17:55

Bin him off. For taking the money, as much as anything.

But, the taking a week off to get ready for a holiday….. I think that’s a bit extreme. But then, I pack the night before, and as long as the dishes are done, the bins out, and the beds made, then you’re ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

NerrSnerr · 15/06/2023 17:55

How long are you going for? Do you need so long to pack? Why have you paid for the whole holiday?

Will he pay the money back or is it shared money that you can just ask him to get more cash out?

I don't think it sounds like you're hugely compatible.

Americano75 · 15/06/2023 17:56

Ooooft no, get him to fuck. Cheeky prick.

Hugasauras · 15/06/2023 17:57

He sounds a bit useless. But why is there so much prep?! We went on holiday for 10 days with two under 4s and it didn't take days to pack or prep the house! My husband packs his own stuff in 10 mins when he's going away.

Baneofmyexistence · 15/06/2023 18:08

So he’s paid nothing for the holiday and then taken £50 to get drunk with? I’d be ending this.

But also agree a week for two adults to prepare for a holiday is complete overkill unless you are going for months!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/06/2023 18:13

I dont think the way he is behaving is great, taking money that you've (both presumably) earmarked for something else.

However if I had a weeks holiday I'd probably want to visit family and go drinking, how much prep can there possibly be to require a full 5 days to get ready for a holiday. We have 5 visitors staying with us before holiday and I pack for me and 2 kids, and take no additional time off - just spend a few hours on packing and housework at the weekend before. So if I was with someone who insisted I waste a whole week of annual leave getting ready for a holiday instead of letting me enjoy it, I would think they were being OTT and controlling.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/06/2023 18:13

Why did you pay for the holiday?

PineappleLatte · 15/06/2023 18:14

Woo. Solo holiday!

Original poster
PrincessP3ach · 15/06/2023 18:14

To answer a few questions

  • He doesn't live here officially but is here and stays over almost every night. There's no DC involved.
  • He has clothes here but for some reason brought several bags more home today, he wasn't in so I assumed these were to what he wants to take.
  • I financed the full holiday as DP for some reason had his hours temporarily reduced to part time for a period and it was agreed that he would sort of reimburse his share in cash, spending money or in other household contributions when this was sorted. It has now been sorted but minimal contribution has been made at all.

-I do not believe he has spend any or all of the time he states at his mother's, otherwise why has he came in every night blind drunk and money been disappearing.

To clarify I didn't mean this whole week was to prep and pack but to spend some time together, doing things together and get some small jobs done each day so everything isnt left until last minute Friday and isn't full of stress. Something will almost likely be forgotten if i left this until last minute. I also wanted to spend a little time talking about things we might want to do whilst we are away and what we may eat so I could have some idea what will need to be pooled together financially because he usually likes to decide on the day or an hour beforehand which I've noticed is costing a fortune compared to planning some things to some degree.

OP posts:
Itsanotherhreatday · 15/06/2023 18:17

Dear me! Get rid. Spend Friday changing the locks and find a friend to go with. He’ll never pay you back and he won’t change.

AllBlackEverything · 15/06/2023 18:18

It's bizarre that he spends such a lot of time at his mums really.. Are you sure that's where he is?

I don't like the sound of him at all. He sounds like a waste of your time and efforts.

Original poster
PrincessP3ach · 15/06/2023 18:19

Also I forgot to mention although probably not relevant. He doesn't live here officially but he does have a key.

OP posts:
SleeplessinScarbourough · 15/06/2023 18:20

He flew a bit quick to the “or I won’t come on holiday!” I think there’s something he is hiding as PP have suggested.

Daffodil92 · 15/06/2023 18:21

What an absolute waste of space.

GottaGirlcrush · 15/06/2023 18:22

You seem to make a lot of plans for the two of you

Does he know and agree to all of it? Did he know the loose change idea and all the ins and outs of the house jobs, time to discuss the meals etc

Was he fully on board with all of it?
I agree it's run it's course but you sound quite intense tbh

dotdotdotdash · 15/06/2023 18:23

He sounds horrible and he knicked money out of your purse. Just no!

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