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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be quite peed off?

64 replies

PrincessP3ach · 15/06/2023 17:34

Hi,

NC for this, just really wanted a rant, abit of advice on this issue and some views from others to see if I've overreacted. Ive had no issues like this with DP before and I'm very confused why in the run up to us doing something nice that he's decided to act like this.

Ive been with DP for 1.5 years. We have a holiday booked for Saturday. I paid for the holiday- hotel, trains, attractions etc. We both work but have had to budget abit this month for the holiday expenses on top of bills etc and both have had time off since monday to obviously get organised for going away. We have a family member staying in the house whilst we are away, so also incorporate housework into the week too so it looks presentable for the person to stay over.

The issue is DP has really pissed me off this week. Here's just some of them for reference...

•Since Monday he's gone out for hours and left me to pick up the slack (washing,housework, sorting everything out, packing, etc), hes mainly been at his mums "sunbathing" and clearly drinking.

•DP was expecting some money to come through this morning (not a great amount, around £300 but would of helped to relieve full expenses from me next week) went out this mums at 8am and was supposed to be an hour. I popped out at 1.30pm and came back at 3.45 to £12 on the table, with a note saying it was for a takeaway tonight for me as he was away out, bags of cloths from his mums which I'm assuming is the holiday stuff he wants to pack and his bank card gone...

•We also had about £50 in change put away which was to cover us for any last minute bits and pieces to pick up for the holiday if needed and for a takeaway tomorrow to save on dishes, I went for it today and noticed there £10 left. He wasn't in when I discovered this so I just put the remainder in my purse and popped to my mums for something. When I came back and after noticing the above point I checked my purse which was on the table to see the £10 and whatever loose change I had was gone.

He popped home about 30 minutes ago as he had forgot his charger, picked it up and was about to leave, he was already clearly drunk. I just saw red and had a rant at him about how selfish he is and asked why he's left me to do everything and pay for everything whilst he's passing his money up the wall, not to mention stealing and using my money and whatever was left aside for last minute expenses. His response was that I'm just pissed off that he had a couple of beers, it will only take him 5 minutes to pack his stuff and there's all day tomorrow to get everything done and the house in order. Apparently I'm unreasonable and out of order. He's now stormed out saying if I don't collect him tonight then he will either be back tomorrow morning and if im still like this, he probably won't be coming on holiday at all then.

OP posts:

honeylulu · 15/06/2023 18:27

The packing and getting the house ready is a red herring. Freeloading off you to the extent that he's helping himself to your cash, taking money out of your purse without asking and failing to contribute even a modest amount he agreed is the issue and his behaviour is terrible. 1. Dump him 2. Change locks 3. Go on holiday without him.

RaininSummer · 15/06/2023 18:28

Well I think in a newish relationship like this, no kids and not living together unless there is just serious miscommunication here, I would be ending it.

Original poster

PrincessP3ach · 15/06/2023 18:34

@GottaGirlcrush regardless if he knew the loose change rule (which he did) is irrelevant because it was my money put aside out of the way, so to just take it without even asking or mentioning it is still no excuse.

The whole week itinerary obviously wasnt mapped out and bullet pointed for him either but there was discussions on both sides that spending time together and chipping in with the prep, etc was what we were going to do this week as well as a few solo affairs. No every day blind drunk drinking was discussed or disappearing for hours on end and only seeing eachother for tea that I've been left to cook before he falls asleep because he can barely stand.

I may be "intense" as you say but am I really unreasonable to not want to feel so disappointed and stressed in the run up to a holiday I've paid for and him just to have a free ride without even doing abit of packing, housework or even light discussion about plans. I obviously feel like I'm being used right now and I'm wasting money and an experience on someone who is clearly giving me nothing back in the sense of even being a partner and equal for 5 days.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 15/06/2023 18:36

He saw you coming Op!

GottaGirlcrush · 15/06/2023 18:47

pinkyredrose · 15/06/2023 18:36

He saw you coming Op!

I agree!

dotdotdotdash · 15/06/2023 18:48

Oh yes, and the heavy drinking. I’m sad for you OP that you’ve lined up this lovely holiday and he’s detracting from it. Honestly he doesn’t deserve you; casting pearls before swine comes to mind. If you can find the courage, tell him you’re finished and go on your own.

GottaGirlcrush · 15/06/2023 18:50

Op you said 'we' regards to the £50 put away. But you now say it was yours....so which?

Not that it matters now

Hence me asking if he fully knew what it was intended for

JudgeRudy · 15/06/2023 18:50

In my opinion there's two issues. The first is financial. He's not pulling his weight and he's essentially telling you to 'treat yourself' with your own money. That's bang out of order.
Ghe going out and having a drink lm not so sure about. He's got a few days off and he's enjoying the sun. I do wonder just what sort of state your home is in if it takes two of you days to make it presentable. I'm unsure what the 'everything' is that he's leaving you go do. I might plan a bit ahead if I had kids but surely an adult can pack/run out and buy some last minute bits in 24hrs. Why does he have to start packing now?

neilyoungismyhero · 15/06/2023 18:52

I think you said it yourself, you're being used. You don't sound compatible in any way to be honest. Yes, you sound a tad intense as already been said but no shame in that, it's who you are - organised. He on the other hand is a CCF. You can do better. Bin him off. Go on holiday on your own and enjoy it. You've paid for it. My first husband was a piss head..they're a waste of space.

MrsTWH · 15/06/2023 18:56

This would be a total dealbreaker for me. What are his good points OP?

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 15/06/2023 18:59

A thieving, drunk, lazy cocklodger. Why are you bothering?

NerrSnerr · 15/06/2023 18:59

You don't sound compatible at all. I would consider going alone on the holiday and telling him it's over. He's using you and I bet you'll have different priorities when on holiday and I bet he'll cost you a fortune and you won't have fun.

GottaGirlcrush · 15/06/2023 19:02

The bags of clothes that arrived from his mums are clearly left there for you to wash/sort

Lock the bugger out!

NBLarsen · 15/06/2023 19:04

Get the locks changed, drop his stuff over to his mum, go on holiday and have a great time without him!

idliketogetdownnow · 15/06/2023 19:13

Oh my god. Red flags all over the place. Dump him and go on the trip alone.

A partner who steals from you is the lowest of the low. It shows such utter disrespect and ingratitude. I don't see how you can recover from that.

Cakeorchocolate · 15/06/2023 19:13

This is one of those where I'm 😳😮that 10% think yabu.

YANBU. I'd be ditching him and going solo. He sounds like a waste of time, space and effort!

Createausername1970 · 15/06/2023 19:18

I am still trying to work out if you have taken a week off work to get ready for a holiday? I thought I was OTT by sometimes taking the Friday off if we were going on the Saturday.

But, as far as DP is concerned, he is stealing from you. You need to finish with him and change the locks.

BadBarry · 15/06/2023 19:18

Well he needs to return the money he took plus discuss how much spending money he is taking.
While away only pay your half for anything, do not pay his share!
As you seem to have funded the whole thing I'd like to think he would be least doing his half if not treating you while away.
Depending on how the holiday and future shared meals etc go I'd be considering if having a cock lodger for a partner was for me.
Hope you have a lovely holiday but yes he's acting like a dick especially if he's just spent all that extra money he was getting on drink.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 15/06/2023 19:19

He took money from your purse? I’ve been with my dh 30 years, married 27, all finances in 1 pot and he wouldn’t take money from my purse and I wouldn’t take it from his wallet!

Motnight · 15/06/2023 19:23

He is at the very least a thief and possibly unfaithful as well.

Quitelikeit · 15/06/2023 19:23

He stole from you? Wow

Honestly he is literally shameless and has no respect for you

Why doesn’t he invite you to where he is going?

I doubt he has money for spends if he has stolen money from you to buy beer

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/06/2023 19:25

Get the locks changed, drop his stuff over to his mum, go on holiday and have a great time without him!

This! Take someone else if you can. I wouldn't even bother discussing any if this your wasting your time completely. He's a theiving cocklodging cunt who has no respect for you whatsoever and you will be utterly wasting your breath trying to reason with him. Go alone or with a friend and have a wonderful time. I had a similar situation and was really angry and upset on the way down and when I got to the hotel but after a nice bath and a good night's sleep I felt better and was ultimately glad I'd ditched him and not taken him.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/06/2023 19:26

Taking 50 quid out of your purse is inexcusable

Natty13 · 15/06/2023 19:28

You are an absolute fool if you stay with this lazy thief.

Campervangirl · 15/06/2023 19:31

Put his stuff outside the door, he's taking you for a ride, you're paying to take him on holiday, he's not paying his way or contributing to staying at your house, he's moving into your home by stealth and he's stealing from you.
Wake up chick, bin him off.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Go away on your own or ask a friend to go with you

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