Girlfriend invited friend to meet us on our romantic trip away?

radsclosed · 2023-06-15T09:17:23+00:00

Been playing this for ages Me and my GF (both female ) are going away for a couple of nights to London for a romantic trip away. We are currently en route and she has just told me tonight a friend she hasn't seen for a while Is meeting us for a drink (this friend doesn't just have a couple -she will want to get legless) So tomorrow my GF will feel like crap (as she will join in ) I've been so excited for us time and now this friend will be with us. I wanted to see the sights and play it by ear I've been told she's getting a train and we are meeting her at 4pm So it's a case of quickly getting to hotel and dumping bags and leaving. Im honestly so annoyed Aibu ?

Original poster

radsclosed · 15/06/2023 10:17

*been planning (stupid auto correct )

OP posts:

Catbumps · 15/06/2023 10:18

Have you mentioned it.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/06/2023 10:18

Speak up now. Right now.

Original poster

radsclosed · 15/06/2023 10:20

Oh yeah I've explained exactly how I feel
Her response "well it's planned now and she's bought her ticket ,I don't know what to do,I don't want to upset anybody -I feel bad now"

It wouldn't enter my head to invite a friend along

OP posts:

AppleCinnamonBagel · 15/06/2023 10:20

You've got to say something. Is your gf aware that it's meant to be romantic and not just a piss-up weekend away? 😬

Clymene · 15/06/2023 10:23

So her friend doesn't live in London and is travelling specially to meet you?

Hmm. I'm not saying there's anything going on between your girlfriend and her mate but I do think she's not as into the relationship as you are. That's classic divert away from romance behaviour.

Whose idea was the romantic weekend away?

Catbumps · 15/06/2023 10:23

Ask her to cancel her friend and say there’s been a misunderstanding between you two and pay for her friend’s ticket.

IncognitoMam · 15/06/2023 10:26

That's so rude. How long have you been together? She doesn't sound as invested as you tbh.

Original poster

radsclosed · 15/06/2023 10:27

We have been together 4 years and live together -planning a baby etc so it's not like it's just a new relationship
This friend lives 20 mins from London by train and is straight (kids /engaged etc )
My GF doesn't always think about what she's doing
I think she's seen her opportunity to see her friend (been 5 years ) and went with it without considering how I would feel

OP posts:

Frogmila · 15/06/2023 10:28

Can you suggest booking a restaurant for 2 at say, 7.30 or 8 so she doesn't either mess her friend about or spend the whole night on the piss? Perhaps some walks bar to bar between drinks to see the sights and avoid excessive boozing, maybe along the river or across a park? I know it's not ideal but it sounds like you had different expectations from the weekend and that's not really the friend's fault. Make clear to your GF that you won't be impressed if she is nursing a hangover all day due to keeping up with her mate as you wanted more from this trip than just a sesh. Yes she's a grown woman and can drink what she likes, obv you won't be counting her drinks, but you're allowed an opinion on the trip too. 'I feel bad' doesn't excuse her from any responsibility for turning the trip into a drunken bore fest.

aSofaNearYou · 15/06/2023 10:29

It was shitty of her to do that without asking you, I'd make sure she knows that. I'd ask her to ensure she does not get legless, and to tell her friend that she can't stay late as you have plans the next day. If she can't do that then she doesn't feel bad.

Franseen · 15/06/2023 10:32

Frogmila · 15/06/2023 10:28

Can you suggest booking a restaurant for 2 at say, 7.30 or 8 so she doesn't either mess her friend about or spend the whole night on the piss? Perhaps some walks bar to bar between drinks to see the sights and avoid excessive boozing, maybe along the river or across a park? I know it's not ideal but it sounds like you had different expectations from the weekend and that's not really the friend's fault. Make clear to your GF that you won't be impressed if she is nursing a hangover all day due to keeping up with her mate as you wanted more from this trip than just a sesh. Yes she's a grown woman and can drink what she likes, obv you won't be counting her drinks, but you're allowed an opinion on the trip too. 'I feel bad' doesn't excuse her from any responsibility for turning the trip into a drunken bore fest.

These are good ideas

SamW98 · 15/06/2023 10:33

I get she wants to see her friend but it should have been discussed with you first way before it was agreed.
Shes totally OOO to spring this on you

IncognitoMam · 15/06/2023 10:36

I just don't get why she hasn't ran it past you first?
Is this a rare blip? Is everything else ok? Planning a baby is a big thing. As you know.

drpet49 · 15/06/2023 10:43

radsclosed · 15/06/2023 10:27

We have been together 4 years and live together -planning a baby etc so it's not like it's just a new relationship
This friend lives 20 mins from London by train and is straight (kids /engaged etc )
My GF doesn't always think about what she's doing
I think she's seen her opportunity to see her friend (been 5 years ) and went with it without considering how I would feel

She hasn’t seen this friend in 5 years? YABU, I don’t see the problem

Sissynova · 15/06/2023 10:44

Does she see it as a "romantic trip away"?

It wouldn't occur to me that it would be unacceptable to meet a friend if they happened to live near by while visiting with a BF.

pinkyredrose · 15/06/2023 10:46

She's out of order, she should be putting you first.

MatildaTheCat · 15/06/2023 10:46

If she lives 20 minutes from London it’s very odd that she’s bought her ticket. And if she has it will have cost less than £20 max. Ask GF to make an excuse and offer to pay for the ticket (if it exists). She could say you’ve booked something as a surprise.

If she refuses you have a to accept that you aren’t her priority today which is pretty sad.

WilkinsonM · 15/06/2023 10:59

drpet49 · 15/06/2023 10:43

She hasn’t seen this friend in 5 years? YABU, I don’t see the problem

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Don't you think that's a bit odd in itself? A friend she can't be that close to if she hadn't seen her in 5 years and she invites her for a night on the piss during her romantic couple holiday without even telling her partner?!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/06/2023 11:01

There are some things, and they can at first seem like little things, that should make you pause and reevaluate your relationship. This is one of them.

Wombi · 15/06/2023 11:16

Whilst it's annoying your Gf did not mention catching up with her friend. I would not make such a big deal out of it. She hasn't met her friend in 5 years and this has happened to loads of people over the years with covid , family commitments etc. Just tell her to go easy on the alcohol as ye have stuff planned for the next day. I don't think her intentions were bad but maybe tell her in future to let you know.

BestieBunch · 15/06/2023 11:31

I would be annoyed be obviously some compromise is required.
I would make some plans… so we’ll meet your friend for a couple of hours, then we could walk down to a sight seeing place you want to visit and then say our goodbyes, head back to the hotel to freshen up before going out for dinner.

thinkfast · 15/06/2023 11:40

Your partner should be able to have an honest conversation with her friend

"Sorry friend, I can't see you tonight after all, as I'm having we're having a romantic mini-break so it wouldn't be appropriate. I'm sorry to mess you around and I'll make it up to you another time. I'll send you £20 to cover your train ticket."

Job done.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/06/2023 11:42

I would be annoyed be obviously some compromise is required.

Nope. Sometimes compromise isn't required at all. The op's partner is totally out of order and meeting up with the friend should be cancelled. End of.

LillyoftheMountain · 15/06/2023 12:13

I wouldn’t be happy at all but I’ve had partners do this to me in the past and it’s always been a red flag for me.