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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend BU to ask me to pick her up from the airport at 2am ?

614 replies

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 08:12

She clearly wants to save money by not getting a taxi. There are no buses to our village at that time. A taxi would probably cost her around £85.
Thoughts ?

OP posts:
saraclara · 15/06/2023 11:12

I just don’t think it’s fair to ask a friend to lose a night’s sleep just because you want to save taxi money.

That. I'm probably to helpful and obliging for my own good. There's an awful lot of space between 'never doing a favour' and 'always saying yes whatever the favour, because she's a friend'. I do a lot of favours for people, both spontaneously offered by me, and asked for by others. But I really don't see anything wrong with saying."sorry, that's way too late for me to be able to drive safely". It doesn't mean you don't care about your friends, it's just a perfectly rational boundary to have, forever helpful you are.

They've been an awful lot of posts questioning what kind of friend would say no to this. But it's perfectly reasonable and doesn't say anything negative about the friendship (other than about the person doing the askng who expects her friend to lose a night's sleep to save her money)

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 11:14

Good to see reasonable people roll in 😊

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 11:16

Frabbits · 15/06/2023 11:10

I infered it. Happy to help.

Show quote history

It’s interesting you interpret an assertion as anger.

mewkins · 15/06/2023 11:18

Ginger50 · 15/06/2023 11:07

she should factor in the taxi costs in her budget for her holiday. it is not your problem. If it is something you do for each other then ok, unless she has done the same for you it is not your problem. She should pay the taxi fare or should have parked her car at the airport. Not your problem and she is unreasonable to ask.

Last year we had flights changed so many times before we went that what started off as being able to travel at a sensible time of day by train to the and from the airport ended up as travelling home to a totally different airport with no direct public transport and much later. Unfortunately you book these things in advance but things don't always fo to plan.

Anyway, it's ok to ask for anything as long as there is no expectation attached.

WisherWood · 15/06/2023 11:20

@Nanny0gg it was a really weird case and very much showed how men are believed, and women aren't. The line went 'it can't be true, he'd risk losing his licence if it were. Therefore it can't be true and we won't take his licence off him'. At no point did it seem to occur to those investigating that he might be taking advantage of the trust placed in him as a licensed driver.

Frabbits · 15/06/2023 11:20

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 11:14

Good to see reasonable people roll in 😊

"Good to see people who agree with me because I can't handle other opinions"

Frabbits · 15/06/2023 11:22

saraclara · 15/06/2023 11:12

I just don’t think it’s fair to ask a friend to lose a night’s sleep just because you want to save taxi money.

That. I'm probably to helpful and obliging for my own good. There's an awful lot of space between 'never doing a favour' and 'always saying yes whatever the favour, because she's a friend'. I do a lot of favours for people, both spontaneously offered by me, and asked for by others. But I really don't see anything wrong with saying."sorry, that's way too late for me to be able to drive safely". It doesn't mean you don't care about your friends, it's just a perfectly rational boundary to have, forever helpful you are.

They've been an awful lot of posts questioning what kind of friend would say no to this. But it's perfectly reasonable and doesn't say anything negative about the friendship (other than about the person doing the askng who expects her friend to lose a night's sleep to save her money)

Nobody is saying it wouldn't be ok to say no to such a request. Of course that's fine.

But to get upset about simply being asked is a degree of uptightness I cannot get my head around.

EsmeSusanOgg · 15/06/2023 11:23

It is a big ask. I don't think I would ask it, but would absolutely take up a friend/ family if it was offered. I would also assume I need to factor in taxi costs etc. to my travel plans.

I wonder has she offered to cover fuel costs/ offer a thank you meal out sometime for the inconvenience? I'd do that if asking a favour like this.

That said, nothing wrong in OP saying 'no, sorry I can't do that. Hope you have a brilliant holiday though!'

saraclara · 15/06/2023 11:27

But to get upset about simply being asked is a degree of uptightness I cannot get my head around.

Upset? I don't think anyone's upset. But I would be surprised if a friend who could afford the taxi asked me to stay up all night to pick her up to save her money. It's a level of inconvenience that I'd never dream of asking of anyone, outside of an emergency.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2023 11:28

billy1966 · 15/06/2023 11:11

I agree with you.

There is a "type" that feels very comfortable asking for a blatantly big ask.

I certainly wouldn't.

Nor would my circle.

Would I happily help out a stuck friend for a hospital run etc., absolutely.

But get up in the middle of the night to save £85 .....not a chance.

My time has greater value than that.

Fortunately no one would dream of asking such a thing of me.

Show quote history

I agree with this.

Surely people know the position it puts others in?

Sleep is so precious for so many reasons! It’s a huge ask, but lots of people on here would angst so much about saying no.

I would be fine to say no - I’d outline the sleep issues that I have already if anyone would be mad enough to ask a single mum with a full time plus job - but many wouldn’t.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/06/2023 11:28

@Frabbits well, I do think it’s a cheek to ask, unless it was a genuine emergency situation (this wasn’t) and you also knew that the person was critically short of money.

RonObvious · 15/06/2023 11:29

Wait, so she's not coming to visit you? She just wants you to pick her up and drive her home after her holiday? I wouldn't even ask someone to do that in the daytime! It would never cross my mind. How bizarre!

Mikimoto · 15/06/2023 11:31

Don't forget the mandatory 1-2 hours' delay...probably not notified until you're already paying airport parking fees.

Anothercrappyusername · 15/06/2023 11:32

Unless there is history of lots of favours between the two of you, I think it’s unreasonable to ask.
It puts you in an awkward position of needing to refuse and most people are not comfortable with saying no ( unlike everyone on mumsnet).

Fraaahnces · 15/06/2023 11:33

Customs can take hours and hours to clear. I would tell her that you wouldn’t feel safe driving at that time of the night.

beeonmybonnett · 15/06/2023 11:35

I actually think it depends on how close the two of you are.

if you’re very close, and you’re certain she’s not taking advantage of you, then I wouldn’t say she’s being unreasonable.

the opposite, however, then yeah id say it’s a bit cheeky of her to ask.

In both cases though, I think it’s really up to you whether or not you do it.

SpidersAreShitheads · 15/06/2023 11:36

Doesn’t it depend how the question was asked and if there’s any expectation at all? And what the response would be for a refusal?

if someone said “any chance you’d be able to pick me and DD up from the airport at 2am? Totally appreciate that’s very late and absolutely no worries if not” - I would think it’s fine to say that to a good friend. And the OP implies they are very good friends.

If it were me, I’d probably struggle to ask as I feel very awkward asking for favours. However I would - and I have - collected friends in the middle of the night from various places.

I think there are so many variables, it’s impossible to say if it’s unreasonable or not, surely? Does the OP struggle to assert herself generally and if so, does the friend know this? Does the OP have work the next day? Does OP have any health conditions which make this unreasonable? How was the question asked? What does OP want to say? And so on…

KitchenSinkLlama · 15/06/2023 11:38

What would petrol and parking cost you OP? Has she offered to reimburse your fuel for the return journey and parking costs?

Even if she has, I wouldn't do it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/06/2023 11:39

£85 for a taxi?

That sounds like a long trip.

How far is it? What time would you have to leave the house, and what time would you get home again (if her plane was on time)?

You could be spending a couple hours driving - you would be exhausted. Just tell her sorry, but no.

BodgerLovesMashedPotato · 15/06/2023 11:41

Whinge · 15/06/2023 08:13

She's not being unreasonable to ask, but she would be unreasonable to expect it.

This
No harm in asking.

WarmWinterSun · 15/06/2023 11:42

I think it’s really rude of her to ask and put you in an uncomfortable position of having to say no. It’s very selfish for her to ask you to stay up almost all night because this would impact your Sunday which is precious weekend time you spend with your family. If she can afford a holiday then a taxi budget should be part of that.

However I know people who have loads of money and make the same request of others. Some people are really weird about airport pick ups.

Nanny0gg · 15/06/2023 11:48

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/06/2023 11:39

£85 for a taxi?

That sounds like a long trip.

How far is it? What time would you have to leave the house, and what time would you get home again (if her plane was on time)?

You could be spending a couple hours driving - you would be exhausted. Just tell her sorry, but no.

Well it's the cost of there and back for the driver.

If the friend hasn't even offered to cover the OP's costs (plus a nice gift on top for the inconvenience) then I think she's a CF

HideousKinky · 15/06/2023 11:49

I would not be happy to be asked this because it is not a favour I would ever ask myself. I would pay for a taxi

jellyminelli · 15/06/2023 11:53

The cost of petrol and parking at the airport will be about the same and if there are delays you could be sat there a while. Have you seen the price of airport parking at Manchester? Crazy.

Just tell her you can't commit because you've got things to do the next day

Climbles · 15/06/2023 11:58

There is asking for a favour and there is taking the piss and putting you in an awkward situation. If there was a reason she could not get a taxi then I might do it, but she can do she should.
People saying she can just say no obviously don’t appreciate that for most of us people pleasers that feels awful.