Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to resign

232 replies

Mossiebonbon · 13/06/2023 16:05

My husband works in a secondary school in pastoral care, whereby each year group is assigned a support member of staff. There are 5 Members of staff with the same role as him, he currently works with Y11.
Next year he has been assigned to work with Y8 , the year our daughter is in. My husband does not feel comfortable working with our daughters year group , potentially having to reprimand her friends for behavior or liaise with parents that he knows personally.

The head teacher has suggested he will have to resign if he doesn’t work with this year group. There is no explanation , to our knowledge, for why the other pastoral members of staff can’t swap to be with Y8. Headteacher just says she wants consistency.

AIBU to think headteacher cannot threaten my husband like this? I appreciate your comments

OP posts:
Original poster
Mossiebonbon · 14/06/2023 19:43

Thanks all. Interesting to see both sides of this from you all. It would be for 4 years til y11 potentially

OP posts:
Platypuslover · 14/06/2023 19:44

It’s a clear conflict of interests and should never even have been considered. The fact that they are telling him to resign reeks of constructive dismissal. If they can afford it I’d say do it then take to tribunal.

Emeraldrings · 14/06/2023 19:50

I think that would be really awkward. And it's either going to be he will be accused of favouritism or be overly harsh on DD and her friends.
HT sounds like an idiot as she must know this is going to happen. Has DH had problems with her before? It sounds like she's trying to push him out.

HandsupSue · 14/06/2023 19:55

If it’s a “conflict of interest” then it’s on him. Not the OP.

his daughter wasn’t at the school at the time he joined the school. He and the OP chose the school for her after the school had hired him. He created the potential conflict of interest. And now… it’s come to be

HandsupSue · 14/06/2023 19:55

Not the HT I meant

WombatChocolate · 14/06/2023 19:59

It’s not awkward. Professionals deal with this all the time.

People are deployed to suit the needs of the school. Staffing is complex and it’s not just a case of easily switching people around.

Remember there will be other staff beyond this pastoral support worker - lots of people will have a pastoral aspect to their job and if DC needs input, to be able to provide it. Schools have this situation all the time and manage it well.

This is overly self-absorbed and unaware of the bigger picture.

Ladybowes · 14/06/2023 20:09

canigetitmyself · 14/06/2023 18:36

What would happen if your daughter needed pastoral support?

Very good question. I think this is a potential problem.

Fisharejumping · 14/06/2023 20:15

SapphOhNo · 13/06/2023 16:08

It's his job. It's not an unreasonable request for him to carry out his job. Surely you considered that when sending your DC to the school your husband works at?

It is s a conflict of interest and the Headteacher should see that. There should be no issue with swapping staff to accommodate this.

saraclara · 14/06/2023 20:18

Preps · 14/06/2023 18:28

The staff member should be able to handle that too.

Show quote history

Yes. It was never an issue for me. My friend who were parents at the school recognised the distinction between my professional relationship with them and the social one. They also knew that if I spilled the beans about any other child, they wouldn't be able to trust me to respect their child's confidentiality.

Itsbeennice · 14/06/2023 20:21

Ladybowes · 14/06/2023 20:09

Very good question. I think this is a potential problem.

Show quote history

There would be other pastoral providers within the school.

Ladybowes · 14/06/2023 20:25

Itsbeennice · 14/06/2023 20:21

There would be other pastoral providers within the school.

Show quote history

Quite possibly however, we have no details about the size of the school. Yes people are professional but why put your staff in positions that make them feel uncomfortable if not necessary.. all seems a bit OTT... consistency argument is bogus too - as staff leave during the year all the time e.g., maternity leave, new job.

Angrywife · 14/06/2023 20:30

MAREMCKENNA · 13/06/2023 16:13

I've worked in schools and they have always done it this way, for consistency. Some children will be vulnerable and will have built relationships with a specific member of staff and it could be detrimental to change it. There could be very good reasons for consistency needed either in this or other year groups. Can see a lot of people disagree but I don't think they're being unreasonable.

What is the consistency of moving the yr11 Pastoral head to yr8? I'm struggling to find it.
Surely consistency would mean whoever had them through Yr7 would keep them for yr8

Ireallywantsomechips · 14/06/2023 20:31

This seems mad to me, what is the head thinking? It’s a huge conflict of interests. Are teachers allowed to teach their own children?

My mum worked in pastoral care at a sixth form college. I was in a different sixth form in the same town. We all mixed and so alot of them knew my mum. Luckily because it was sixth form there wasn’t much reprimanding or telling off so my mum was “cool”. If it had been lower down the school it would have been mortifying and I’m certain I would have been on the receiving end of bullying of some form!

HatchetJob · 14/06/2023 20:37

@Angrywife year 7 support can be a lot of work with transition. I’ve known pastoral staff to hate working with them as well 😂. They obviously have someone specific to deal with that.

blisstwins · 14/06/2023 20:47

SapphOhNo · 13/06/2023 16:08

It's his job. It's not an unreasonable request for him to carry out his job. Surely you considered that when sending your DC to the school your husband works at?

Oh please, it is totally normal to make the accommodation the OP is asking for. It is in the interest of the school actually. He should not resign. Is there anyone else he can talk to?

WombatChocolate · 14/06/2023 20:55

He is not a teacher. He will not be performing the role of a teacher.

He is a pastoral support worker. There will be a Pastoral lead and other people who have a pastoral role and it will never be the case that her Dad is the only staff member that can be involved.

Loads of staff work in schools and have occasional contact with their kids and also with kids they know outside school and the parents. Where possible they tend not to be timetabled to teach their child, but they might often have a management role in the school, or be a TA, or be a cover supervisor or be a Head of Department, or a Head if Sixth Form etc. It is so common and professionals manage it fine.

WombatChocolate · 14/06/2023 20:56

He is not a teacher.

He is not the PastoralHead.

Original poster
Mossiebonbon · 14/06/2023 21:10

All comments being digested here, if and when there’s any movement on the issue will update…

OP posts:
Thelastofbus · 14/06/2023 21:14

Has your husband got any ideas about how the issue could be solved. If he was to change year groups then he would need to swap with someone I assume? But that may not appeal to all the other support staff who have built relationships with the students and the HOY they work with.

The school must be a fairly decent size if they have this staffing set up. In a 6 + form entry school how many of the year 8 families does your DH really know
socially? And if your child is at the school the issue of ‘reprimanding friends’ etc could crop up anytime, as pupils make friends outside of their year group. Whatever the year group he works with, as he has a child in the school it’s both impossible to totally avoid people he knows, while also being unlikely that it will happen very often.

WombatChocolate · 14/06/2023 21:16

Think Op is enjoying this.

BigLittleReid · 14/06/2023 21:32

Leftbutcameback · 13/06/2023 16:24

He needs to speak to his union rep, check his contract and related policies as to his role, and make sure he keeps a note of everything in writing.

Has your husband had any issues with the HM? Any conflicts or differences of opinions on other matters before this threat? Perhaps a personality clash? Has the HM highlighted any performance issues with your husband?

I totally agree with the suggestions of @Leftbutcameback. Talk to your union rep. Log everything. Communicate everything via email so you can evidence exactly what what he has been told. Have someone accompany him to any face to face meetings to discuss the matter to minute the meeting.

Could be that the HM is using this tactic to manage your husband out of his job.

ILoveEYFS · 14/06/2023 22:41

In my school, staff cannot work with family. My colleague has 6Dc 7 yo and a 9 yo who both go to our school and a 4yo DGD who goes too. She has never been allowed to.work with them.

Walkaround · 14/06/2023 23:10

WombatChocolate · 14/06/2023 20:55

He is not a teacher. He will not be performing the role of a teacher.

He is a pastoral support worker. There will be a Pastoral lead and other people who have a pastoral role and it will never be the case that her Dad is the only staff member that can be involved.

Loads of staff work in schools and have occasional contact with their kids and also with kids they know outside school and the parents. Where possible they tend not to be timetabled to teach their child, but they might often have a management role in the school, or be a TA, or be a cover supervisor or be a Head of Department, or a Head if Sixth Form etc. It is so common and professionals manage it fine.

I’m not sure you understand the role of pastoral support assistant in some schools, @WombatChocolate. Ime, people like the OP’s dh have their own office space and they are the go to people to deal with friendship issues, accusations of bullying, kids who have walked out of lessons upset etc., because that is their sole role, so they are the ones with the time to do the legwork and be there and available for the children throughout the day. If anything serious is disclosed, they will then take it to the HoY, including kids’s written comments, etc. You are seriously downplaying their function.

Walkaround · 14/06/2023 23:15

Also, the entire point of the pastoral support assistant moving up with the kids from years 8-11 is that they know all the children extremely well. That’s 4 years to be stuck with his child’s year group. What a joke. It’s the sort of tactic headteachers use when they are actively trying to squeeze someone out, because it is utterly inappropriate to take on that role in your child’s year through their whole time there.

pinkpantherpink · 14/06/2023 23:38

The HT is telling him to suck it up or leave by the sounds of it.

I'd suck it up for now and speak to my TU body about my concerns