Asked to resign

[Mossiebonbon]

My husband works in a secondary school in pastoral care, whereby each year group is assigned a support member of staff. There are 5 Members of staff with the same role as him, he currently works with Y11.
Next year he has been assigned to work with Y8 , the year our daughter is in. My husband does not feel comfortable working with our daughters year group , potentially having to reprimand her friends for behavior or liaise with parents that he knows personally.

The head teacher has suggested he will have to resign if he doesn’t work with this year group. There is no explanation , to our knowledge, for why the other pastoral members of staff can’t swap to be with Y8. Headteacher just says she wants consistency.

AIBU to think headteacher cannot threaten my husband like this? I appreciate your comments

I take it he's been there for a while if he's just finished a cycle of 4 years. Did he not realise he would be getting the year 8s that your dd was in. The time to tackle this was last year when your dd got the place so a transition period could be held not to refuse to work with the group 5 weeks before term ends.

If your manager thinks so little of you their immediate response to this sort of request is to ask for your resignation, you're in an unenviable position. Those who value their staff look for solutions to retain them not jump on opportunities to off load them. If your DH is considered so disposable by the head, he needs to think about moving on regardless as its far from optimum to be thought of that way by your boss.

I agree with these comments, it is a strange environment to work in.
Oddly, this was of course discussed earlier in the year and they head herself had said it (DH working with Y8) wasn’t a situation she wanted , she has made a U turn .

I don’t see the problem. At the school I worked at, there were many staff members with their children at the school, including the headteacher. None of them ever made this request, they just got on with it.

Essentially it isn't a problem - but it's the way this head teacher has handled it is rubbish... regardless of what was actually said - that member of staff now feels not valued or appreciated. Not a good management style. I would run for the hills and find a new job - especially given this is a relatively minor thing - imagine how they deal with big issues!

Or, she's looked at her budget for next year and decided she needs to shed a few support roles and your DH resigning would help. Very cynical former teacher and teaching HOY here 😉

Actually if this is the cycle they work than changing him messes up 3 other members of staff unfortunately.
where I’ve worked they only stay with the same year group for 10 and 11, and they mix everyone else around.
making an exception for him changes the pattern for everyone.

I don't think that is the main issue. Imo the conflict of interest lies in that the role is to provide support which may not only be personal in nature but also involve issues between pupils and also pupils and staff.

So can op's dd's close friends feel comfortable going to her dad if they have issues with the dd? Who would the dd have if she has issues with her family? Or issues she does not want to discuss with her parent? Whether or not ops dh is professional or not might his being a parent of their friend make classmates feel awkward discussing personal issues etc and then there are concerns about nepotism - yes conflicts can be managed but all seems a bit unnecessary when just switching people round could be the easiest solution and removes any level of awkwardness for the students as Well as the teacher.

She is threatening him. And being a poor manager.

He would like to do his job well, so has flagged up a conflict of interest for him and potential difficulty for his dd as a student.

He should take good notes, ask for HT's objections in writing and contact the union for advice.

Again, reading all comments and taking all on board thank you all

There is very easy solution to the issue but the Head won't hear of it, bad management/

They won’t heat if it because I suspect they don’t rate him for a reason and this is a valid reason to channel him out

I think there will be more to the OP’s DH time at the school that that op hasn’t been aware of

What's the easy solution? Any solution I see is disruptive to multiple staff and whole year groups of pupils.

What a simpering wet lettuce.

Can’t adapt to a change to an entirely reasonable change

OP says he is not a teacher. He is a pastoral support worker.

People working in schools need to be professional. They can be professional with children they know from outside school and parents too. It is perfectly possible. Staff in schools often have their own children in school and manage fine.

This is not someone who is being asked to teach a subject to classes that contain their own child. They are not a Head of Year etc. They are a support worker.

OPs DH has expressed their concerns. The Head isn’t prepared to move them to a different year….and we cannot know all the many moving parts invovled in allocating staff. Essentially, as the Head says, this is the job. The DH can continue to do it, or choose to leave. There is absolutely no good reason why they cannot do it.

I would actually be concerned about a member of staff who had a kid in the school, who felt they couldn’t deal with children or parents who they know outside school. It suggests an inability to draw a professional line between life outside school and at work. Working in a school means you really need to be able to do this.

Did you hear this from your DH or did you ever see any emails from the head to confirm this.

indeed, the current situation, anything in writing or all this is your DH telling me what’s happening?

I would actually be concerned about a member of staff who had a kid in the school, who felt they couldn’t deal with children or parents who they know outside school. It suggests an inability to draw a professional line between life outside school and at work. Working in a school means you really need to be able to do this.

agreed.

Loads of teachers teach at schools where there children attend, so they have to teach their child's friends, give detentions to them etc, do parents evening with parents they know etc. It can be a little uncomfortable, but it's normal. Yes the school may well be able to swap the staff around to different years, but there may be some reason why the Headteacher wants certain members of staff with certain year groups. Your DH just needs to deal with it.

I've twice taught in my DCs' year group. I never taught them (the SLT member responsible for timetabling ensured that) but I did teach their friends. It was fine, and my kids were fine with it too.

There was only once incident when a pupil told my daughter that I was horrible because I'd given him a detention. She told me about it and my heart sank. I asked her what how she felt and she said she wasn't at all bothered. "I told him that you're a teacher and teachers are meant to be horrible"

I'm very surprised at the school. I've worked in many schools and at each one the first rule is you do not work in the year your child is it. It's very unprofessional of them

Having worked in military schools overseas where lots of teachers' children attended it's likely that the teacher will find himself going out of his way not to be accused of favouritsm! It was an odd situation thinking back, many of the teachers came to our house and our children had no problem with Miss/Mr in school then first names out of school.

I'm a teacher and I teach my year 7 daughter maths. It's not been an issue at all and I've dealt with pastoral issues involving her or her friends.

Having good relationships with other kids in the year groups parents can be very helpful.

As long as he has a "teacher bestie" that he can get to double check him occasionally to make sure he's being fair, or to witness certain conversations it will be fine.

No doubt happened numerous times in the past and never been an issue.

I think most teachers can deal with this professionally, the problem might come from the parents who will feel able to 'consult' the teacher out of school about their little cherub.

HT sounds like she has another agenda - jumping straight to what she said isn’t a good sign. I would look to move to a different school before he is pushed..