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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to resign

232 replies

Mossiebonbon · 13/06/2023 16:05

My husband works in a secondary school in pastoral care, whereby each year group is assigned a support member of staff. There are 5 Members of staff with the same role as him, he currently works with Y11.
Next year he has been assigned to work with Y8 , the year our daughter is in. My husband does not feel comfortable working with our daughters year group , potentially having to reprimand her friends for behavior or liaise with parents that he knows personally.

The head teacher has suggested he will have to resign if he doesn’t work with this year group. There is no explanation , to our knowledge, for why the other pastoral members of staff can’t swap to be with Y8. Headteacher just says she wants consistency.

AIBU to think headteacher cannot threaten my husband like this? I appreciate your comments

OP posts:
SapphOhNo · 13/06/2023 16:08

It's his job. It's not an unreasonable request for him to carry out his job. Surely you considered that when sending your DC to the school your husband works at?

80smercedes · 13/06/2023 16:09

In my children's school the head of year/pastoral support follows their year group through the school from Yr7 to Yr11, so in the scenario you describe this year's Yr7 colleague would have Yr8 them next year. Is there a reason why they aren't staying with their current year group?

Soontobe60 · 13/06/2023 16:09

The HT is being a dick. It’s generally accepted practice in schools that parents dont work in the same year group as their child if they attend the same school.
Your DH should not resign, however he should email the Head and ask her to clarify her position on him moving year groups next year.
I would state all the drawbacks - that students are less likely to want to engage with him if they are friends with his DD, that parents less likely to engage for the same reasons.

Soontobe60 · 13/06/2023 16:10

SapphOhNo · 13/06/2023 16:08

It's his job. It's not an unreasonable request for him to carry out his job. Surely you considered that when sending your DC to the school your husband works at?

Which can be done with any other year group.

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 13/06/2023 16:10

He's trying to carry out his job better by not being subject to conflicting loyalties. It does seem odd that the head isn't countenancing switching him to another year group.

BCBird · 13/06/2023 16:11

I work.in.a school and whilst I agree it is his job, the situation could be awkward

MAREMCKENNA · 13/06/2023 16:11

Of course the head teacher can do this. It is his job and he doesn't get to change it because his daughter is at the school. Consistency is important and it would mean someone else potentially being forced to work with an age group they also don't want to work with.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 13/06/2023 16:11

Seems a bit overkill for her going straight to suggesting he resigns if he wont do it

PoppedNotFried · 13/06/2023 16:13

It’s not really a threat though is it?

I get his objections to what he’s been asked to do but it is a reasonable request. Therefore if he refuses to do it, his only other option is to resign or get dismissed for refusing to comply with a reasonable request.

That said, I’d hope the HT could be more flexible to avoid that kind of situation.

Backtoreality1 · 13/06/2023 16:13

The Headteacher has not 'threatened' him. For pastoral teams this is the way it works. I would suggest that if he wants to keep the role he accepts the situation and sees how things develop. So long as he treats everyone the same and is supported by the school then he should be fine.

MAREMCKENNA · 13/06/2023 16:13

I've worked in schools and they have always done it this way, for consistency. Some children will be vulnerable and will have built relationships with a specific member of staff and it could be detrimental to change it. There could be very good reasons for consistency needed either in this or other year groups. Can see a lot of people disagree but I don't think they're being unreasonable.

Fallenties · 13/06/2023 16:14

He's raised his concerns, if I were him I'd do it then refer back to the fact he pro actively raised them if anything crops up around favouritism or whatever.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 13/06/2023 16:15

80smercedes · 13/06/2023 16:09

In my children's school the head of year/pastoral support follows their year group through the school from Yr7 to Yr11, so in the scenario you describe this year's Yr7 colleague would have Yr8 them next year. Is there a reason why they aren't staying with their current year group?

In my child's school y7 is always taken by a specific member of staff then years 8-11 they keep the same staff member for 4 years

Theunamedcat · 13/06/2023 16:16

It's not a case of doesn't want to work with that age group more a case of boundaries being crossed he will be open to allegations of abuse of power and favoritism "ohh that's x dad HE won't say anything because it's his daughter" or my dad's being mean to me at school 😉

Wtf is the head teacher thinking with here? Do they hold a grudge? Because most rational people can see the issues here

Personally I would find another school for both

CandyLeBonBon · 13/06/2023 16:17

I was the child in this situation and it's horrible. I can't understand why any headteacher would willingly put a child in that position if there are alternatives. It's honestly a really nasty experience for children if teachers.

Theunamedcat · 13/06/2023 16:17

He needs to get his concerns in writing before year start then any issues he can just refer back to it

hattyhathat · 13/06/2023 16:19

Fallenties · 13/06/2023 16:14

He's raised his concerns, if I were him I'd do it then refer back to the fact he pro actively raised them if anything crops up around favouritism or whatever.

This.

Summerishereagain · 13/06/2023 16:20

I agree with others that this isn’t a threat. Your DH needs to now speak to his regional union rep to see if they can help.

Ljhunt · 13/06/2023 16:24

I’m a teacher and can’t believe he’s been asked to be HOY for same year as daughter. He can’t deal with pastoral issues related to her friends that’s not professional. It’s standard practice for even just classroom teachers wouldn’t teach the year group their child is in

Leftbutcameback · 13/06/2023 16:24

He needs to speak to his union rep, check his contract and related policies as to his role, and make sure he keeps a note of everything in writing.

TinyTeacher · 13/06/2023 16:35

Shes not wrong. If he won't do the role as required, his only choice is to resign. But most heads don't put staff in this position!!!

Fwiw at my last school one HoY ended up in charge of her DD's year group. The 3 middle school heads cycled so they had 9 up to 11 and then round again. A swap would have messed up continuity for one year group. She was still a great HoY for them

TheOrigRights · 13/06/2023 16:36

Is it not a responsibility of the headteacher to manage conflicts of interest within his staff?

Is suggesting someone resign a way to mange staff?

Carrusa · 13/06/2023 16:41

Worth contacting his union?

BarbaraofSeville · 13/06/2023 16:41

Like others have said, it's not an unknown situation and common practice is that if a teacher and student are closely related then the teacher does not work with that class.

Surely the HT does not want one of her teachers to resign? I thought there was a recruitment and retention crisis in schools?

Unless she's hoping she can replace him with a cheaper, less qualified teacher?

Or is your DH a crap teacher that she's hoping to not have working in her school?

He needs to make his case to the HT and seek advice from his union.

W0tnow · 13/06/2023 16:41

But he might have to liase with patents he knows personally anyway, even if he’s assigned a different year group. If, for example, he’s involved with a sibling of one of your daughter’s friends.

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