How old is too old?

[cadburyegg]

I mean grandparents looking after grandkids.

I don't want to say how old my mum is but she helps me with school pick ups 2 days a week and helps out 2 days a week in the school holidays. I'm starting to wonder what age is "too old" to do this.

Everyone is different but is there an age where you'd be shocked if a grandparent was helping out? And does it depend on the age of the kids?

@HandsupSue thank god for that! Nice to know there are still pockets of common sense alive & thriving!!

My MIL does a similar amount of childcare she’s late 60s but very very fit & healthy

My mum is 70 and can only handle the odd hour or two with DD. DD is 4 and a live-wire though. my mum can handle my ten year old, calmer, niece for a whole day, but would still be knackered afterwards.

Depends on the adult and child.

But I would be shocked at anyone leaving anyone age 75+ in charge of a young child. Less shocked if the child was older, eg 10+

My parents are too old in their mid 70’s, they are generally fit and well but my dad had a stroke recently and although he recovered full function he is high risk of it happening again so I don’t feel it is safe. My mum has no healthcare issues but her reactions aren’t quick enough for my 3 year old. She’d be ok if DD was older.

I think I’d be surprised if someone was 80’s and ok with preschoolers or babies.

My PILs are nearing 80 and still play football with their GCs, go on adventure holidays to far flung places, play sport regularly. They don't look after GC but they absolutely are able to.

My parents did regular once a week after school childcare for me until they were 77 and 82 - my DC were aged between 9 and 13 at that point.

My mum is 78, she did a lot of childcare for my sisters 12 and 8 year old. She's still very active, does yoga and jogs etc but I wouldn't leave my 18 month old with her for too long as I know she'd be frazzled!

It depends on kids ages and how active the GP is.

@cadburyegg

You are being completely ageist. The major criteria are health and fitness and willingness to take on the responsibility of young children. Age is merely a number on which to hang prejudices.

@PurBal what an unkind thing to say about your mum, who is helping you out.

people of the same age, with the same health issue can't be compared, we all feel things differently.

I'm 54, my knees are fucked, I can't get up & down off the floor any more. When I was younger, I wouldn't have expected that at 54, but it is what it is.

if she's enjoying having him & doing her best, then be grateful. But maybe she finds it too much & I suspect if she heard you saying she's useless, she be very hurt & tell you to make other arrangements if it's not good enough for you! I bloody well would.

(I do play though, just we do it on the coffee table if dining table or on one of the sofas, beds etc. it's a little unconventional, but ut is what it is)

depends. On the age and temperment of the child. And on the age and health of the GP.

My 71 yo dad would be more than fine to look after my two kids (6 and 9). It would probably be too much to ask had they been 1 and 4, although he would manage. By FIL is 73 but in poor health and would not be able to look after them alone now for any length of time and except in an emergency, but would absolutely not be in a fit state to physically be able to look after a 1 and 4 year old.

It entirely depends on the person.

My mother is only 62, but I don't really trust her with my children.

She has bad nerves and on top of that makes dubious decisions (like letting my son sleep in his pushchair on the drive in front of the house)

My mother is 74 comes along with us to the park sits on the park bench and watches the kids might push them a few times on the swing then wants to go home.

My mother in law is 71 comes along with us to the park, climbs the spider web to the top, goes on the flying fox and climbs trees with the kids. We leave the park after an hour or so.

One was mostly a sahm and had her last child at 30, the other worked and studied full time, had her last child at 43. One had a heart bypass in her 50s, the other a cardiac arrest in her 50s.

Is your mum still happy to do this. If you don’t know ask her, it may be the highlight of her week and if she’s not struggling then great!
My Nan took me to school, picked me up and played with me after school. It was a special relationship that I had with her and my memories of those times still bring me joy, she died nearly 40 years ago but I still miss her and think about her often.

My mum would be ok for a couple of hours at age 71 to look after my active 2.5 year old. My dad at 72, would struggle as he couldn't easily change a nappy or keep up with the toddler pace out and about.
My MIL is late 60s and would struggle to look after him out and about as she isn't as mobile as my mum. She'd be fine in a house for a couple of hours though.

They'd all be fine to look after my teenage nieces and nephews though!

Too many variables to be able to state an exact age. It's about the individual and the age and temperament of the child.

But, I'd be surprised if anyone 70 plus was used for lengthy childcare sessions for kids 10 and under.

@ThursdayFreedom you’re right, it was unnecessarily unkind, this thread came up at a point where I am very frustrated (I’m heavily pregnant and experiencing a lot of mum guilt, not helped by the fact I have antenatal depression). I would say that she has “demanded” to see DS but then doesn’t seem to want to spend a lot of time with him and that’s frustrating when I would love to spend more time with him but I can’t.

I definitely wouldn’t bat an eyelid at anybody in their 70s caring for their grandchildren of any age. I’d probably be surprised if a grandparent was looking after pre-teen children/ babies when in their 80s, but obviously if fit and well it’s fine, I just think by the time they’re in their 80s most people are no longer fit and well unfortunately. I don’t think I’d see an upper age limit for looking after teens so long as the grandparent was able and willing to do so.

My parents are mid seventies and can very competently look after my two primary age kids for a couple of days at a time (at their request, I don’t need or ask for childcare). They babysit my brother’s toddler for whole days on occasion too. Nothing surprising about it, it depends entirely on the people involved. It probably helps that there’s two of them, so they tag team a bit when they get tired!

About the only thing they can’t/won’t deal with is night wakings, they didn’t have mine for sleepovers until they were old enough not reliably sleep through and they don’t have the toddler overnight yet.

Wow that is impressive!

Thanks for the sensible replies.

As for the odd ones, well, anyone who can be bothered to search for my old threads can work out from those that I’m a parent, not a grandparent. It’s not a reverse. Yes I do also rely on ASC and holiday clubs.

I was just trying to gauge opinions really nothing deeper than that. Mum and I have a great relationship, last year she moved closer to me to help (her choice) and I frequently check in with her as to whether she’s managing. She’s fit and active and is still working despite being past retirement age. I’m just very conscious not to put too much on her. The kids are primary age.

What's odd is this tedious troll hunting. Not to mention against the rules.

There are some lovely stories about helpful MILs on here!! I’m going to be one of those 😊

I’m always wistful (and quite jealous) when I see grandparents at school pick up. My PIL are useless (aka inept with children) and my dad is shit generally. They’re all entirely self interested.

@cadburyegg how old is she?

Age is just a number. A grandparents ability to provide care for GC depends largely on the physical and mental health of the GP and the age(s) and behaviour of the GC.

I have 6 GC. I’ve provided childcare twice a week, for each of them, until they reached school age. I’ve cared for them as a family set once or twice a week during school holidays.

Today I’ve had a 5 year old and his 2 year old sister in 30 degrees heat, for 8 hours. All I can say is shoot me now! I’m not looking forward to repeating it during the Summer school holiday. 🤦‍♀️

I’m just approaching 60 btw. In good health, generally, and have always enjoyed having every one of them one on one.

Today has totally floored me!

There’s good reason why women cannot reproduce after about 45!

If your mum is a good mum, is enjoying it and in good health then let her have the opportunity for as long as she can manage it and let your children enjoy her love without worrying about what others do

She’s fit and active and is still working despite being past retirement age. I’m just very conscious not to put too much on her. The kids are primary age.

I can’t see why she wouldn’t be able to manage perfectly well, then? Her age is irrelevant really - she’s fit and active and still works, so if she’s happy to mind the kids, I wouldn’t worry about age. It’s her ability that matters.

It really does depend doesn’t it? My mum looked after my kids 2 days a week when they were pre school and she was 70. She didn’t have them out doing loads with them but could bake with them, do crafts, feed them , keep them safe and give them more love than anyone else would. Now in her 80th year and my mother in law age 83 they are not in the best of health but I and they are happy for them to have them overnight - oldest is 15 and youngest 11. Again, I don’t expect full on activities but they all enjoy each others company and my kids are fed and watered and kept safe. I don’t get the drama about this. If grandparents are happy to do it it promotes a lovely relationship between them. If they’re not well enough or fit enough - fair enough! There are no rights or wrongs.