How old is too old?

[cadburyegg]

I mean grandparents looking after grandkids.

I don't want to say how old my mum is but she helps me with school pick ups 2 days a week and helps out 2 days a week in the school holidays. I'm starting to wonder what age is "too old" to do this.

Everyone is different but is there an age where you'd be shocked if a grandparent was helping out? And does it depend on the age of the kids?

Everyone is different.

My mum and MIL are the same age.

Mum is useless, 30 minutes in the park and the rest of the day in front of the TV is her “looking after” DS23mo for the day. This would be fine if he was older and was “just” the school run. My mum is overweight but otherwise in good health.

MIL takes him out for hours to parks, gardens, woodlands etc; will do “chores” with him like watering the garden; will kick a ball around with him; has made play dough and will do colouring; will join in with his toys like trains or blocks or whatever. MIL has had some serious health problems but remains active.

It’s very much a how kings a piece of string question.

MIL looked after my dds regularly (her choice) until her mid 70s and was fit and able to do so. She’s still
physically very fit now at 80, but has developed dementia and there’s no way she could safely care for young kids now due to this. Though if it wasn’t for ye dementia she is still fit enough to run around after them.

I know lots of people who are fit at 80 and lots who aren’t. I would say most people would be fine caring for kids for the odd day here and there until their late 60s. After that it’s a bit of a health lottery.

Completely as others have said - depends on the health and fitness of the adult, the age and temperament of the child(ren) and the length of time and level of care needed.

My maternal grandparents are in their late 80s but they're in great nick and I'd have no qualms about, say, asking them to mind a school aged child for a few hours in the afternoon. I wouldn't ask them to look after my 18 month old as the lifting and playing on the floor would probably be a bit much. My 78 year old paternal grandmother, on the other hand, has multiple health problems and cognitive issues and is in no fit state to mind any child young enough to need minding.

There's also the question of how alone/in charge the carer is - if I were WFH upstairs and able to step in in an emergency, I'd be a lot more comfortable with an older carer than I would be if I were an hour's drive away.

I think it depends on health, fitness and mental ability of the grandparent rather than the age. My dhs gp are extremely fit, active and fully with it and are in their 80s. My GM had dementia by 75 and wouldn't have been physically fit by then either. I think it also depends on how willing they are and the duration of the babysitting etc. A child that needs lots of lifting might be less manageable than a 9 year old for example. So it depends entirely on the situation and what everyone feels is safe all round.

Completely down to the individual. My mother is only in her early 60s, my MIL is over 75. Of the two, MIL is the one in better health and happily takes the grandchildren out and about. My mother only gets to go out and about with my children if I'm there too.

Ability to safely look after young children really is down to how both the parents and grandparents feel about it - age really is just a number in comparison with other factors.

To answer your question I would be shocked if a 100 yr old gp was helping with school pick up.

I am early 70s. I have a lot of friends from late 60s to late 70s. There is vast variation in their health and stamina. You can’t really put an age on it, individuals vary so much. Two friends are currently walking a long distance footpath (aged 75), some are using sticks and zimmer frames. Some are sharp as a needle and learning new things, some are starting to get stressed over minor things. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, you and the grandparent know if they are competent and happy to do it.

I’m 65 and a very busy grandma to 8 grandchildren from a babe in arms to an 18 year old. I provide childcare two days per week and can have 4 of them here at a time on other days after school for eg. I also do a lot of pick ups and drop offs. I’m pretty sure there won’t be anymore grandchildren because once the baby is off to nursery I’m not sure I’ll have full day childcare in me. I do hope to do everything else I do for as long as I can.

As other posters have said, health conditions, mobility, senility are more of a factor than age alone.

Age of children is just as much a factor as the age of the GP/carer eg. Teen and tween kids could be with a fairly immobile grandparent if they can do as they are told and are happy to watch countdown etc after school, but a baby that needs carrying up and down stairs or a toddler that needs to be chased after - obviously not compatible with a grandparent that can't provide that type of care.

Ridiculous question. Too many variables.

It very much depends on health and fitness of the GPs in addition to the DGC and how hard/easy they are to look after but honestly if the GPS are aged 80+, then I would be thinking they deserve a rest and should not be expected to do routine childcare unless it is 100% their choice and not something they feel obligated or pressured to do

I don't think age comes into it really, it depends on the person's health, mobility and how they feel looking after your kids etc. My mum is early 60s and well and can manage looking after the little ones, mil is in her early 70s and has bad health and mobility and absolutely no way would she be able to look after our young children even for a few hours on her own.

My parents looked after my pre-schoolers one day per week when they were in their 70s.

It’s dependent on the people - their health and mindsets, not their ages. My parents were extremely fit, capable and enthusiastic.

My friends grandmother was well in to her 80's and was still doing meals on wheels "for the old folk" (as she would say). Many of these "old folk" were in their 60's.

Age is less important than fitness for the task.

Only your mum can answer that. Everyone is different some 70 year olds are fitter than some 50 year olds.
So it depends on your mum and also your children. Have you spoken to her about it? Does she seem exhausted when you pick them up?
I would think the 2 days in the school holidays would be the first to rethink as that is much more tiring than school pick ups

My mum's 58- she looks after my little boy often whilst I'm at work as my partner works 4 on four off shifts.

My grandma's ( my little boys great grandma's) occasionally have him. They're both very fit 80 year olds but never for more than 4 hours at a time and usually this is includes a 1-2 hour nap as it's 10-2 if my mum has to do a changeover in her holiday let.

It really depends on the person and on how old the kid is.
My stepdad is mid 80s. Hes regularly goes on holiday with his 3 grandkids (teens) on his own, for about a week. If they werent teens he wouldnt be able to, as he is getting on a bit.

My step aunt is also in her 80s and I wouldnt hesitate to ask her to look after a smaller child (though maybe not a baby, as they are more demanding).

My mom and aunt, both mid 60s, would happily look after babies.

My dad would probably rather bang his head against a wall than look after a small child (and he has severe physical disabilities, which means it probably wouldnt be a great idea either), but and older child would probably be fine

It depends on the person and on the child!

My mums 70, healthy, active, still works part time and has toddler DS one day a week (and babysits ad hoc too). They adore each other and both have a great time. Definitely depends on the GP.

My 93 year old uncle does the school run for 3 of his grandkids (school is walking distance) and looks after them all by himself 1-2 days a week. In fact he does more than my 65 yo mum ever has.

I was shocked when my stepdaughter had her 88 year old( slightly forgetful ) grandmother look after her 18 month old for the afternoon. I know I wouldn't be comfortable about that .

I think age has little to do with it.

You can be a very fit 75 year old who would have no issue with looking after children or you can be an unfit 55 year old who can't do it.

You don't have to reveal your DM age, but I think it's impossible to answer without knowing how fit and active she is and how old are your DC.

My parents picked up my DCs from primary school at least once a week until my youngest DD finished Year 6 in 2020. At that time they were 82 and 83 years old and very fit and healthy. They would come to us on the train, pick DDs up, stay for dinner/stay over and head home on the train in the morning.

They still 'babysit' not that it's needed as DDs are now 17 and 14 but DDs still go and stay with them (by choice) in the holidays.

If DGPs are fit and healthy, and happy to help out, there's no such thing as too old. I consider my parents' involvement in my daughter's lives to be a blessing all round. And so do they!

Agree with everyone else.

It's more to do with health than age.

Depends if she's doing it willingly or feels like it's been lumped on her with no choice.

Personally I feel very very sorry for the amount of GP's on the school run - the ones who'd rather be doing gardening or hobbies of their own but instead are lumbered with the kids whilst their parents are off earning big money to pay for fancy holidays instead of forking out for proper childcare like they should do.

And there's an awful lot of them about. Kidding themselves that their mum enjoys having the kids!