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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sell up and move next to DB ?

57 replies

Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:02

So been a hard year with a lady in my village. There was another thread on this. Who mistook me for someone else and made my life a misery. All died down know but it left me feeling awful. My DB who I adore and is my best friend came round today and said he was looking at moving as he too has had neighbour concerns ) noise business next door. )he has found a place that is an old farm type with two properties on one large site for sale and he asked would we consider moving alongside him. ? He knows how I struggled recently and is a great support. My DH thought this a great idea. They got in great and my DC would love it too as he has always been around for them but I spoke to a friend who said it is a recipe for disaster and we could end up hating each other so now I have the jitters. My DB and I are extremely close as due to family life we only have each other. The mere thought I would fall out leaves me feeling cold. AIBU to consider this. ? Has anyone else every done this and it was a success or wished they hadn’t ?

OP posts:
Noorandapples · 11/06/2023 20:06

I think it sounds great, I would jump at the chance! Especially as your family get on with him too, go for it, your friend doesn't know you better than you do!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:11

Noorandapples · 11/06/2023 20:06

I think it sounds great, I would jump at the chance! Especially as your family get on with him too, go for it, your friend doesn't know you better than you do!

Thank you. You are right it just Floored me a bit and then I was doing all the what if’s.

OP posts:
DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 11/06/2023 20:15

Sounds fab. I would love to live next door to my brother. I'm sure he would say the same.

Ihateslugs · 11/06/2023 20:18

I would love to live next door to my brother or sister, we all get on very well and enjoy being together.

If I was buying a joint property though, I would want some legal agreement set up in case something happened in the future - one of you needing to move away, divorce or death and remarriage, financial problems on one party affecting mortgage payments etc. I do overthink things!

Crumpleton · 11/06/2023 20:21

There's nothing to say that just because you live next door to your DB that you have to live in his pocket so to speak.

Does he have a family?

Would he be likely to leave you and your family to have family time as in if you didn't both live next door to each other?

HomeB · 11/06/2023 20:21

You need to agree what would happen if one of you wanted to move, divorce, sell for care costs, died.

I've got family that live like this and it works just fine for them.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:21

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 11/06/2023 20:15

Sounds fab. I would love to live next door to my brother. I'm sure he would say the same.

I said yes straight away to him and I knew my DH would say the same. My DH and I virtually brought up my DB who is seven years younger than me and he is my rock along with my DH. The thought we may fall out would break my heart. But then we have never fallen out and he lived with us after we got married, then again following the tragic death of his childhood sweetheart wife. I really can’t see us ever falling out. But when someone plants that seed it got me in a panic.

OP posts:
HomeB · 11/06/2023 20:22

Nah go for it. You've lived together before as adults.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:24

Crumpleton · 11/06/2023 20:21

There's nothing to say that just because you live next door to your DB that you have to live in his pocket so to speak.

Does he have a family?

Would he be likely to leave you and your family to have family time as in if you didn't both live next door to each other?

we have the type of relationship where he knows me and would leave. He never outstays his welcome. I get your point though but I don’t see that as a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:25

Crumpleton · 11/06/2023 20:21

There's nothing to say that just because you live next door to your DB that you have to live in his pocket so to speak.

Does he have a family?

Would he be likely to leave you and your family to have family time as in if you didn't both live next door to each other?

He is not married. He was but she tragically died and he will not remarry again. He has a partner and they are very settled. She is lovely and I have known her a long time and we get in well. No children involved.

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:26

Ihateslugs · 11/06/2023 20:18

I would love to live next door to my brother or sister, we all get on very well and enjoy being together.

If I was buying a joint property though, I would want some legal agreement set up in case something happened in the future - one of you needing to move away, divorce or death and remarriage, financial problems on one party affecting mortgage payments etc. I do overthink things!

Good point. Something we will have to discuss. The site has two houses. One a large four bed and one a smaller two bed. We would have the larger with all our DC

OP posts:
Skiphopbump · 11/06/2023 20:30

Your gut instinct was yes until someone planted a seed of doubt. Trust your instinct and go for it.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:31

Skiphopbump · 11/06/2023 20:30

Your gut instinct was yes until someone planted a seed of doubt. Trust your instinct and go for it.

Thank you. Always trust your gut as they say. Now to get the agent round. Fingers crossed

OP posts:
Brazilagogo · 11/06/2023 20:32

You might get in really well with your brother but if he has a partner, what is her stake in this? Could he afford to buy her out if they split up and they have a joint mortgage, could the plot be split to sell separately, what access over the land would you have etc.

ThePensivePig · 11/06/2023 20:35

It sounds amazing. Like you, I'm very close to my DB and would jump at the chance to live so close to one another!

AfricanGrey · 11/06/2023 20:36

I remember your previous thread! What happened to the crazy stalker lady?

carkeysshopkeys · 11/06/2023 20:37

My brother is 6 years my junior and we’d both jump at this sort of opportunity. We’ve also had a lot on in life that’s meant we’ve been very close and I’ve had a big hand in raising him to get through it all and I see no reason why it shouldn’t continue into adulthood. I say go for it, it sounds like a dream!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:38

Brazilagogo · 11/06/2023 20:32

You might get in really well with your brother but if he has a partner, what is her stake in this? Could he afford to buy her out if they split up and they have a joint mortgage, could the plot be split to sell separately, what access over the land would you have etc.

My DB has no mortgage on his present home. This was his home before he got together with his new partner. She still has her old house that she rents out. I can’t see it a problem but then I can’t see them not together. I suppose we will have to discuss certain things but my DB would never see me in financial trouble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:39

AfricanGrey · 11/06/2023 20:36

I remember your previous thread! What happened to the crazy stalker lady?

Police still involved and a slow process but it has died down thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:40

carkeysshopkeys · 11/06/2023 20:37

My brother is 6 years my junior and we’d both jump at this sort of opportunity. We’ve also had a lot on in life that’s meant we’ve been very close and I’ve had a big hand in raising him to get through it all and I see no reason why it shouldn’t continue into adulthood. I say go for it, it sounds like a dream!

Thank you. Sounds like we have had a mirrored life. Best wishes

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/06/2023 20:41

Could the two properties be separated if you needed them to be? I think that is the only thing that might concern me is that if your situations changed then one of you would need to move when the other one wanted to stay.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/06/2023 20:43

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/06/2023 20:41

Could the two properties be separated if you needed them to be? I think that is the only thing that might concern me is that if your situations changed then one of you would need to move when the other one wanted to stay.

The two are detached and look around 30 metres apart. They could I suppose. My DB is going for a viewing tomorrow.

OP posts:
Fuckitydoodah · 11/06/2023 20:43

Go for it. It sounds like a great opportunity.

Grimbelina · 11/06/2023 20:45

It sounds a great idea but you really need to be very thorough from a legal point of view and consider every possible eventuality e.g. needing to sell for care, falling out, how costs would be shared, if you part is mortgaged and his isn't how would that work etc. etc.

TokyoSushi · 11/06/2023 20:45

Sounds great, especially as it's 2 separate properties so you each have your own space. Everything happens for a reason OP!