Keep getting hassled about taking on a dog

[Lazym]

Hi my besties husbands dad has vascular dementia and his partner is his carer. Last year she got two puppies but now is finding having two a strain on her and bank balance with also having to care for him. I had my dog put to sleep in Oct over ongoing health issues which put a huge strain on me mentally and financially and I vowed never to have another dog or even a pet again which still stands. Basically I keep getting messages and pictures of one of the pups to try and get me to take one on. I've made it clear I don't want to but they're still persisting. How do I make it clear that no means no without blowing a gasket as I've already said no about 20 times already but they're still sending pics. Aibu for wanting them to respect my answer and stop with the pics?

I'd be saying something like, 'you know, this is wearing a bit thin, I've made it very clear I'm not taking on one of the dogs, your problem, you sort it out - but I am not your solution, and don't want it brought up with me any more'.

"please respect my answer and stop sending pics"

Done.

I'd reply with

"<friend> your dogs are gorgeous but I'm really not going to take one of them on. I'm never having another dog and won't be persuaded so please stop trying "

If they persist, then a simple "no means no"

If they come back with a reply claiming that they're not trying to persuade you, then a terse "my mistake" will do but perhaps tell them you're still grieving your dog and would prefer not to receive pictures

I'd probably say something like you are still getting over the death of your beloved dog and the trauma surrounding the health issues and subsequent passing and while the pups are adorable you are in no position to take on a dog any time soon and the photos actually upset you as they remind you of your dog. It might not be 100% true (or it may be) but it would take a special type of person to ignore someone saying the pictures upset them and keep sending them, in which case I'd have no qualms to send a blunt message saying "your pictures upset me, I've xplained this and you persists, so unfortunately you leave me no option than to block your number for the foreseeable" and then block away!

“Please stop sending photos. Your dog is gorgeous but I am not planning on having another dog and your photos keep reminding me of my loss.”

”I am not having another dog, I have told you this. I will simply ignore any more messages on the subject “

Be clear and concise. Then just delete and ignore the messages.

Just block their number.

You need to be blunt.

"Joan, stop sending me puppy photos and messages. I'm not the person to take either of them on - you need to find someone else or contact the breeder. You know I'm still grieving my own dog and this is really upsetting me. Please stop".

Fuck them, they are happy to upset you over this.

Who is sending the pics?
your friend, her husband or the parents themselves?

Were the puppies littermates ? If so no wonder they're having problems .

Maybe they mistakingly think getting you to have another dog will help you and by offering you the puppy they are helping you (though they aren't) .

They probably cannot concieve that you are still missing your darling dog eight months on. But if she's dealing with ther care of someone with a life limiting illness , your feelings won't be on her radar .

Just delete any messages and photos . It's really not your responsibility to deal with her dogs . She should take one back to where she got it , but if she was given two littermates , I wouldn't put much faith in that being an option.

This is horrible. You are absolutely NBU. I say this as a dog owner with no young children, home all day, no holidays abroad due to medical equipment. It took me over two years after losing my Lab to get another and I knew I wanted one. I certainly wasn't ready months later and would have considered it cruel if one of my friends had done this.
Even if you changed your mind in five years that's your decision, and yours alone to make. This is emotional blackmail. I think you've been very polite, maybe too much so. They deserve to be told right where to go now.

I'm still getting messages but not looked though. It's hard to block your bestie. I'm not so upset about the pics, it's the persistence and not respecting my wishes.

Don't tell her the dogs are gorgeous - she'll obviously expect you to cave.

Thank you for your opinions. I think they see me as a pushover but I'm absolutely standing firm on this. This isn't like taking an unwanted pair of shoes off someone, it's a full commitment of possibly 15 years that I'm not willing to take on. The responsibility lies with who took 2 puppies on when they were caring for a man whose health wasn't going to improve. I really do feel quite angry about this but I do feel bad for the poor pup.

Every time she sends over pics send her links to Battersea and dogs trust. Re send the same message every single time

Hmm. I think it's important to maintain your friendship. Can you not just ignore the pictures? Or mark them with a thumbs up or heart which might do for any animal pic. She will eventually tire of this and think of another solution to her problem.

Text her back one more time:

If you need to rehome the dogs, then contact [insert link to local dog rescue charity].

Then ignore everything else dog-related, or text her the link again every time.

I'd probably ignore the photos of the dogs, but replying with a link to a group that arranges rehoming is good, too.

This is the problem, obviously I don't want to have any fallouts over this. I think the idea of sending a link to animal shelters as a reply is a good one.

I wonder if having you take on one of the puppies means she can still have it in her life (for walks and play dates). It could be that it helps to ease the guilt of having to rehome one. I imagine that’s why she’s not pursuing more permanent rehoming options. None of this, of course, is your fault. It just may help you understand her persistence.

Maybe didn't explain situation properly, my friend and husband are the ones trying to get me to have the pup. I barely know the lady who owns the pup.

My friend and husband

My friend and husband

You didn't explain at all who actually had the pup. So 'she', some random woman has two puppies and your friend and her husband want you to have one?