Keep getting hassled about taking on a dog

[Lazym]

Hi my besties husbands dad has vascular dementia and his partner is his carer. Last year she got two puppies but now is finding having two a strain on her and bank balance with also having to care for him. I had my dog put to sleep in Oct over ongoing health issues which put a huge strain on me mentally and financially and I vowed never to have another dog or even a pet again which still stands. Basically I keep getting messages and pictures of one of the pups to try and get me to take one on. I've made it clear I don't want to but they're still persisting. How do I make it clear that no means no without blowing a gasket as I've already said no about 20 times already but they're still sending pics. Aibu for wanting them to respect my answer and stop with the pics?

Suppose it is a bit too much. Having a rethink.

@twilightsleepiness why do mumsnetters think a bestie relentlessly harassing a bereaved OP is an option?

Just take out the bit about dogs not being problem. That’s the rude bit. Is she normally so inconsiderate?

Emotional honesty, and keeping it as much about you as possible is this tone I’d try to hit.

if you’re replying to a text directly re the dogs, I’d go with something like “I’m really quite hurt and upset that my answer isn’t being heard/respected”

but that’s how I talk and write. I’m sure you can adapt it to suit yourself.

but the message is:

• about how you feel, not about reasons (because she clearly doesn’t give a fuck about those)
• isn’t accusatory

No, she and hubby have done a lot for me over the years as I have them. So she's not usually inconsiderate but I'm also thinking she'll probably end up taking him on but doesn't want to, so she's thinking good ole *** will do it so she doesn't have to.

Say yes, take it to the nearest rescue centre.

Or simply tell them straight to stop sending you pictures of a dog - you are not interested, have never been interested, and will never be interested. Then block them.

Bestie or not, I'd reply, can't you understand NO I do not want this bloody dog.

She's not such a bestie if she persists in mithering you

I’d just keep it neutral and repetitive. Something like “he’s lovely isn’t he, am sure you’ll find someone who wants a dog soon. Now when shall we do that meet up for coffee”?.

If she persists again id just keep doing the same but with longer periods of time before I answered. So, when more photos are sent to you I’d wait a couple of days and then put:
”wow you’re taking loads of photos of him. You’ll have some lovely memories of him when he goes to his forever home, I’m sure you’ll find it soon. Anyway, what about that meet up?”

Just keep deflecting. It’s boring and annoying but you’ll get there, and she has no reason to fall out with you or for you to feel guilty.

”It does seem that you keep sending me pictures and videos of the dog because you are hoping that eventually you’ll persuade me to change my mind. I need to be absolutely clear: I will not be taking in the dog. I’m not interested in seeing any more photos etc so please don’t send them.”

I don’t know how you can spell it out any clearer than that.

I would say

'I've said no. And I'll keep saying no till you stop'.

And then for every other message about the dog, just reply 'No'.

Tried the no part this morning, not working.😬

Just say "look, I don't want to fall out here (not that we would, I know!) but I will not be having these dogs. You need to start looking into other options or you may end up having to take them on, which I know you do not want either"

It's not working... yet.

One word. Every time. Don't engage any more than that on this subject.

Just stop replying when she sends any dog related pics. You've explained already so she knows. Don't engage on that subject any more.

Honestly, I would ring her and say "look, Kirsty, you're not getting the message by text so I need to say this to you properly: I absolutely will not take the dog, it's a firm no and I don't want to recieve any more messages about it". If she pushes back against that then she really isn't much of a mate.

I would respond along the lines of "I told you earlier that I don't want to take on the dog and this won't change. I'm finding it hurtful that you're ignoring this and keep sending photos. I'd rather not fall out but if you keep pushing this I will be really unhappy with you".

Sending you photos of the same breed you recently lost is really thoughtless and mean in my opinion.

Just block

It's the disrespect of your boundaries that would bother me.

"I've said no, like a hundred times why aren't you listening?"

Ask her a question. Because it's seems to me no isn't cutting it so you need to find out why your friend doesn't understand that.

I've not responded to anything since I started the thread, hoping they might get the message.

I think it's because she knows that she'll probably take it on and she doesn't want to. I respect that totally although I would like to say to her that her 3 dogs are getting on a bit (they're all around 9/10) and when they go, I know they'll get another but they wouldn't have to as this dog is only a pup still with plenty of years left in him. But if she doesn't want to, that's her choice and I respect that and wouldn't keep going on at her. It's just a pity she's not doing the same with me.

@Lazym

youve told her you couldn't chance having another dog with epilepsy, she's probably thinking 'well this one doesn't & I think another dig would help you with your grief (& help inlaws out too). I think you need to be crystal clear, just say after your tragic experience you will not have another dog At All. (If you change your mind in the future that's your business)

No dog ever replaces one you've lost.

Cocker Spaniels are 'my dog'. If/when I get another dog, it will be a CS, but it'll be a different colour to my last, as I couldn't cope with thinking I'd just seen her etc.

Be crystal clear with your Bestie, you will not be taking that dig it any dig & keep being asked/hinted at is really upsetting you.

if she doesn't stop immediately, she's not a good enough Bestie for you!!