Does anyone else find it hard to have to follow rules in life

[Yayitsgoggleboxtonight]

Not rules exactly, not really sure how to explain it.
For example, I’ve always hated working a Mon-Fri 9-5 job, working for a boss. I did it for a long time-teaching, and looking back, I’ve no idea how I did it. My dream was to work for myself and make my own hours, that’s what I’m doing. I feel freer, deliberately don’t work Mondays, as I found them so hard etc.
I don’t like answering to someone else, hence why I’m now my own boss, I really struggled with office politics and pointless meetings and so on.
I’m finding I’m becoming worse with it the older I get. Dd is at Pre school now (they start formal school at 6-7 where I am) she goes part time and the other week she missed a day because we went away. I just really resented the asking her where she’d been and the judgement from the teacher..she plays all day 🤷🏻‍♀️
I realise lots of us probably feel the same, but with regards to school etc, I’m getting a bit worried about my attitude to it all and the fact that I’m increasingly not liking the system
Anyone else like this?

I've never been great at doing what I was told. I always wanted to know the "why" and if it made no sense then I wouldn't always comply.

I picked a career where I had a lot of autonomy. As more and more rules and petty restrictions became the norm I chose to leave.

I could now never work for anyone else. I'm happy doing my own thing when it suits me.

People like routine. It's comforting and reassuring.

Different people like different amounts of routine though. One persons comforting routine is another's stultifying trap.

Just generally seem to be struggling with fitting in, interacting with pre school, quite rigid re routines. Forgive me if I’m mixing you up with someone else.
If you feel there may be something else going on I’d definitely look into it.

This is what I think. Being a bit anti-rules is totally in the normal range.

@Dixiechickonhols Umm I don’t know as I’m definitely not rigid with routines 😂 and haven’t made posts about not fitting in…I don’t think 🤔 Pre school yes, but nothing else I don’t think

Yep, sounds just like me, I hate the daily grind and always having to answer to others, I'd love to just take my dc and bugger off somewhere completely off grid and be left in peace!

I am late 50s and have absolutely hated the norm regarding rules! Have never worked normal hours because I am an owl rather than a lark ! Have never tried to fit in but actually have lots of amazing friends . My children understand me and I know I am a good person which really counts in the scheme of things.

Yes well being an adult is 80% doing stuff because you have to, not because you want to. You have to follow most rules otherwise it would be chaos.

@mondaytosunday Being an adult doesn't necessarily have to be 80% doing stuff because you have to. You can do anything you want if you set your mind to it. Obviously I don't mean arson and stuff, but good stuff you want to do.

Lots of us do life our way over 80% of the time and life's not chaos at all.

I

I'm liking this thread. I think I've found my tribe.

Me too. Food for thought. I like working on my own terms. WFH has been a revelation. I'm incredibly good at what I do, but in the office used to spend all day chatting or on news sites.

I was thinking of one with daughter and sleep - your dad was waking early and you were adamant she needed to sleep until 8. And another about not wanting to go for lunches with them as it disrupted routine.
Not a criticism just a thought that may be worth exploring.

Yep I was coming on to say "I feel exactly like this... and I have adhd"

I don't like it , but I actually need it. The routine, the accountability. I'm too easily distracted and good at doing nothing /procrastinating otherwise .

However, I work best in a team where the leader realises I know what I'm doing and that I do it well and they just let me get on with it. When I'm being micromanaged I tend to shut down and actually do a lot less and not as well , mostly because I overthink things or my flow gets interrupted.

I just need to win the lottery I guess.

I am like this and I have a diagnosis of autism. I have avoided work for most of my life but kept busy with study (have studied multiple subjects to degree level) and even then I have resented the imposition of term times and deadlines on my natural rhythm. Actually most of the time I've been able to wrangle deadline extensions and repeated modules as I have a registered disability, because I just can't stick with the rules.

I've tried self employment too but it's annoying having to fit in things around the things that I have to/want to do. Gave up voluntary work because even that interfered with things I wanted to do. Don't expect to ever have an employed job, though might take my self employment a bit more seriously one day.

I love being a mum, though, especially with kids younger than school age. I do what I want when I want, do classes with them or don't show up, nobody cares. The preschools we use here wouldn't care if we took a day off for any reason, as long as we pay the fees. School is a different matter and I probably won't take oldest dc out of school in term time, but mainly because she enjoys being at school and I wouldn't want to deal with any confrontation about it.

I don’t think it’s adhd, I’ve wondered about autism in the past perhaps, for some other reasons, but I’m not sure. I'd be leaning more towards ADHD, it's not every Autistic person, but it doesn't need to be either, it could just be who you are with no deeper meaning behind it then that's your preference and what you feel comfortable doing.

It's very common for Autistic people to be the opposite of this, with a strong preference for routine and structure and rules. Two of my Three Autistic DC have a strong preference for rules, routine and structure. The third can't cope without it, we get big meltdowns over summer when school is out.

I take DC out for mental health days, I have no time for the rules if they're harming my DC, though I have trouble breaking others that just effect me or social rules I feel uncomfortable breaking. Luckily where we live it's not a problem having days off, my DC school is very supportive. .

I recognise you too from your other posts @Yayitsgoggleboxtonight and agree you do seem quite rigid about routine in your homelife e.g angry at your DH if he doesn't follow your routines and methods around your DD and household chores, plus difficulty in communicating with others. This is not criticism, by the way, it's just what I've observed from your posts.

Maybe all this is worth exploring as @Dixiechickonhols suggests. Perhaps talking things over with someone. A few counselling sessions might help you identify why you feel the way you do plus it's always helpful for us all to do some self reflection and learn more about ourselves.

It’s a relief to see this thread I agree!

I took this whole idea to another level and now I unschool my DC. They did go to school for a while and not having all that routine, not having hoops to jump through all the time and petty rules to adhere to is a joy. I’ve worked in the corporate world and also as a teacher and the freedom of this life is never lost on me.

It's cool if it's just you - obviously do what you want but I think when you have children you'll serve them better being happy about your choices of education. I don't think you're in the UK but if you don't like the nursery rules, move nursery. If you aren't going to be on board with school, which needs rules because of logistics of mass education, then look into this early on, find a school which matches your ethos or home-school. It won't do your children any favours feeling that they are part of your fight against the 'system' through their childhoods.

@3littlebearcubs Ive never posted about household chores, I have a cleaner 🤷🏻‍♀️Or communicating with others. Why do I need counselling sessions, I’m confused!

You haven’t posted about communication itself but it comes across in posts.
Your first posts I saw were about whether to withdraw dd from pre school as she wasn’t settled and there seemed to be communication issues between you and staff.
There was one about if you were doing enough work wise (tutoring) when you were doing everything at home for dd and posts re disagreements between you and husband about whether dc should stay off school tired. You have also posted about issues with your parents when your parents stay.
Counselling is a good option to explore things in a safe environment and look at issues that are affecting you. You yourself are saying could there be something like adhd or autism? You are posting regularly on mumsnet about issues clearly affecting you. Nothing at all wrong with wanting to speak a professional.

@Dixiechickonhols Feeling a bit uncomfortable that you seem to know lots of posts made and follow them, are you admin?
Not feeling too comfortable about posting further now.

No not admin. I’m on aibu most days and some posters have a certain ‘voice’ even if name changes. Any other poster has ‘recognised’ you too I don’t think that’s unusual.
Wishing you nothing but the best.
You are clearly in a difficult situation living abroad and issues with your relationship with dh and parents. There’s nothing at all wrong in seeking support on here or from counselling etc.

I have felt a lot more like this since lockdown. I am a healthy person who was put on house arrest against my will. I was then treated like an animal while giving birth during the pandemic. And 6 months after I went back to work, I was made redundant despite being a model colleague.

So now I have stopped giving a fuck about putting loads of effort in at work or adhering to rules in general. I also have no problem with taking kids out of school if it’s for an appropriate reason. A lot of what is taught at school is absolutely useless crap anyway.

I’m with you! I’ve never wanted to work for anyone so I’ve been self employed since 19, in my mid thirties now. I work whenever I want, if I want the day off I take it off, and I cannot abide any adults telling me what to do in that sort of capacity. DD is in a normal school setting but I do sometimes wish I had the proper time to homeschool her.