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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“I barely get any time to myself” - that annoying friend

68 replies

TrashQueens · 09/06/2023 19:26

So I just need to have a little rant really.
Friend constantly saying “I have no time to myself and never do anything for me”

now, I do empathise with this sentiment greatly, as do the whole friend group - we all have children.

however, in the seven months since becoming a mum this friend has:

  • been on two hen weekends
  • had a four day break abroad without the baby
  • has been out drinking pretty much every weekend
  • Been living with a semi-retired family member who does a lot of free childcare - eg. When friend wants to go to the gym/nail salon/hairdresser

AIBU to be sick of hearing this in the group chat/ at meet ups?

I do not begrudge my friend this, but think she needs to get a grip and realise how lucky she is .. she speaks to the rest of the friend group like she is the first to have a baby and none of us know how hard it is when most of us have more than one child.. and not the support she does

OP posts:
notawittyname1954 · 09/06/2023 19:28

It would annoy me and she is obviously very self unaware or has different criteria.

Original poster
TrashQueens · 09/06/2023 19:33

And before anyone comes for me I KKOW that people have different thresholds for coping with things and she might genuinely be finding motherhood really overwhelming … but it’s like as soon anyone tries to say that understand it’s “no you don’t because xyz” and there’s always an excuse it’s worse for her

and for total clarity I went on those hen weekends too but I’m not the one complaining about no free time

OP posts:
towriteyoumustlive · 09/06/2023 19:34

Why on earth did she have a baby?!?!?!?

TrioofTrumps · 09/06/2023 19:35

YANBU but then in the first 7 months of having my first baby I didn’t have any nights away and my DH working away 5 nights a week. Also had no one I was happy leaving my baby with, so literally no time to myself. What would she say if you challenged her?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/06/2023 19:36

Christ does she even have her kid?

usernother · 09/06/2023 19:38

So do you point out that she does have time to herself? I would.

Flittingaboutagain · 09/06/2023 19:41

I can't imagine wanting to leave my baby for all that imaginary free time at two let alone seven months. But it's up to her. I don't get why she is moaning, no conversation skills?!

Original poster
TrashQueens · 09/06/2023 19:44

usernother · 09/06/2023 19:38

So do you point out that she does have time to herself? I would.

The thing is I could (or any of our group really) could quite easily say - “well when our kids were 7 month we never did xyz” or “I have only been out however many times in however many years” …

but it’s not a competition about who has it hardest

I just find it really frustrating and out of touch … I mean what did she expect?

OP posts:
Original poster
TrashQueens · 09/06/2023 19:46

Anyway I’m glad it’s not just me that thinks so - didn’t really want to moan about her amongst the friendship group despite the fact others definitely feel the same.

thanks for making me feel better already

OP posts:
usernother · 09/06/2023 19:58

It doesn't need to be a competition, OP but I'd point out all things she's done that you've listed on here and say 'you get loads of time to yourself'. Or do you think she perhaps means alone time?

sqirrelfriends · 09/06/2023 20:15

I would struggle to keep my mouth shut in this scenario. Other than DH I get no family help, but I don’t moan about it because at least a have a supportive DH, something I know a lot of women don’t.

Her life sounds like a dream.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 09/06/2023 20:38

I would struggle to say nothing. I had my DC in lockdown, she was 4 months old before anyone looked after her for me to leave the house without her. She sounds very lucky x

drpet49 · 09/06/2023 20:44

towriteyoumustlive · 09/06/2023 19:34

Why on earth did she have a baby?!?!?!?

This. poor kid

Myusername4321 · 09/06/2023 20:48

Haha I think a lot of us know someone like this. She's probably quite self absorbed and actually believes she doesn't have much time to her self!

BreeTown · 09/06/2023 20:57

"Awww, haha stop being silly!! You have lots of time to yourself! <Insert list of things she has done>. When DC was the same age I just about managed to have a shower in peace once a month if even that! You are super lucky! Enjoy!xxxx"
I would be tempted to send something like this, but then I do like pissing off people that act like her Blush

Original poster
TrashQueens · 09/06/2023 21:58

Myusername4321 · 09/06/2023 20:48

Haha I think a lot of us know someone like this. She's probably quite self absorbed and actually believes she doesn't have much time to her self!

I really think this is the case… she genuinely thinks she has no time to herself.

which I could forgive but her life has basically not changed apart from the fact she now doesn’t go to her main place of work.

Are even does a “side hustle” which involves her being out of the house one late evening a week!

OP posts:
MumApril1990 · 09/06/2023 22:11

This would ps me right off. I didn’t have as much as 10 minutes away from my son until he was 7 months old, when my sister looked after him for 3 hours. I haven’t had a haircut since he was born.

Sumthingsweet · 09/06/2023 23:33

Just ignore her if you don’t give the response she clearly wants - she will bore of venting

BotherThat · 09/06/2023 23:37

I have a friend who posts reasonably regularly about her ‘very rare’ childfree weekends on social media. She’s had more childfree weekends in 7 months than I’ve had in 7 years.

bellac11 · 09/06/2023 23:40

Why do you feel the need to correct her?

Sumthingsweet · 09/06/2023 23:53

yes don’t let her bother you don’t read or respond to her messages - you don’t have to

fireflyloo · 09/06/2023 23:53

She sounds delusional if she thinks she doesn't have free time.

Mmhmmn · 10/06/2023 00:07

TrashQueens · 09/06/2023 19:33

And before anyone comes for me I KKOW that people have different thresholds for coping with things and she might genuinely be finding motherhood really overwhelming … but it’s like as soon anyone tries to say that understand it’s “no you don’t because xyz” and there’s always an excuse it’s worse for her

and for total clarity I went on those hen weekends too but I’m not the one complaining about no free time

Ah, the energy-sapping "poor me" friend 🙄

Fedupwife28 · 10/06/2023 00:13

I have a friend who is exactly like this and I feel the same!! Has her DC one Saturday a fortnight whilst all other weekends are covered by GPs but she’s constantly complaining. I don’t get why these people have kids. It’s like they didn’t realise they’d need to look after them?!

Thetigerdrankmywine · 10/06/2023 00:13

I have one of these. Only hers is the "I'm so busy, I'm so stressed!" type. Fuck off, your dh is minted and you work 2 days a week! Your kids are in school and high school, same as mine. I'm out the house 7-6 5 days a week and have the more stressful/ better paid job than dh.