“I barely get any time to myself” - that annoying friend

[TrashQueens]

So I just need to have a little rant really.
Friend constantly saying “I have no time to myself and never do anything for me”

now, I do empathise with this sentiment greatly, as do the whole friend group - we all have children.

however, in the seven months since becoming a mum this friend has:

• been on two hen weekends
• had a four day break abroad without the baby
• has been out drinking pretty much every weekend
• Been living with a semi-retired family member who does a lot of free childcare - eg. When friend wants to go to the gym/nail salon/hairdresser

AIBU to be sick of hearing this in the group chat/ at meet ups?

I do not begrudge my friend this, but think she needs to get a grip and realise how lucky she is .. she speaks to the rest of the friend group like she is the first to have a baby and none of us know how hard it is when most of us have more than one child.. and not the support she does

I mean, she must have always been this annoying, whiny and delusional.
Right?
Why did she have a kid?
Is the father around?

@ladykale i REALLY judge men who think their lives can continue as pre kids, going out to work all week and hobbies at the weekend. I don’t think this issue is sexist.

I was thinking the same.

Her having no self awareness is annoying but the other extreme of 'why did she have a baby', 'I wasn't away from my baby for even 5 minutes at that age' etc is also annoying, as well as sexist.

Of course it is.

Men aren't judged like this.

I can't go out without someone asking where my baby is (with his other parent) yet no one asks my husband where his baby is when he goes out.

I can't go out without someone asking where my baby is (with his other parent) yet no one asks my husband where his baby is when he goes out.

It doesn't get any better, we have a family gym membership (kids primary school age) and I get asked 'where are the kids' a couple of times a month when I do classes (I do them most days). My husband swims every morning and does not ever get asked this.

What an awful, judgemental thread. Uncomfortable to read.

Some people just can't read the room. Alot of it is done quite innocently, in my experience.
It's not a competition. People might moan they're stressed and don't feel they have much time to themselves even though they do, well compared to you anyway.

There are some very bitter people on Mumsnet.

I have to agree. There's some really valuable advice on these AIBU threads, but also a good deal of bitterness.

Surely just don't be friends with this woman that you find so insufferable, rather than bitching about her to strangers. Revolutionary idea. I find it strange that some many people have posted that they also have people in their circle like that. Why? Either get rid if they're hideously self centred and obnoxious, or get curious about why they feel the way they do.

Just to put things into perspective. I also think the same ie I have barely anytime to myself. I go out whenever I want (within reason), I have a week away abroad with friends every year BUT at home I do it all.
Literally. This weekend for example, tomorrow I will: take delivery of food shop 9am. Put food away & do full kitchen clean in fridge. Go to an open day thing with DD 11am. Do food shop for elderly parents inc drop food off & put away. Tidy house my own house inc washing/cleaning/sorting shit that is not mine. The day has not been mine at all. I'm out with friends tomorrow eve. Sunday will be spent seeing both my dad and FIL for fathers day, probably more cleaning/tidying my house (not my mess though) & working through my home to do list. Uniforms ready Sunday eve. I will then collapse into bed.

The type of person that gets so much childcare help from family is usually someone that has been spoilt by their parents, and continues to be spoilt into adulthood. Therefore they don't live in the real world and just want more and more done for them.

This reminds me a little of one of my mothers group friends. My toddler had never once slept through the night. Hers had since 12 weeks old. When her LO started waking through the night she actually said to me "I think it's worse for me because I'm not used to waking up in the night like you are". Yes, yes of course waking up multiple times a night for 3 years is so much easier than than going through 2 weeks of night waking (eye roll). Some people just have no insight and turn everything into a competition. I don't find it worth my energy to even argue or try to make them see reality.

Some people are just too focussed on themselves and don’t realise. It’s irritating, sure, but stop giving her headspace and distance yourself if you can’t cope with your feelings towards her.

She is the one doing competitive martyrdom. I'd have to say something.

So judgemental! As is this entire thread to be honest. I would find her moaning pretty annoying but wouldn't begrudge her.

She’s had more than me in 10 years!

This!!!

Watching this thread and want to laugh. I wish more women didn’t have children without expect better (assuming they want some time alone which many do),

Just smile and nod, it's too easy to get irritated by other people and it does tend to be a bit of a competition about who is 'busier', 'more stressed', 'has less time to themselves', who's DH is the least helpful etc etc ... some people just like moaning ... even my 90 year old DM gets comments about 'who's adult DC is more supportive' etc etc .... don't engage, change the subject.

Dd is 8 months old, I have left her a couple of times for doctors appointments for a maximum of 2 hours. And I left her for one evening with her dad to go out for a meal for my 30th birthday. I left at 7, when she went to sleep and was back by 11. And I still feel guilty for that 😂
I agree with you, she sounds like one of those people who's cat is always blacker. I mean you can't say you have no time to yourself when your off swanning around on hen dos! I have a friend very similar and honestly as much as she means well and she is a lovely person you can not argue with them, it's just not worth the energy because you will always be wrong!

I have to agree with this. As people say its not a competition but some people are used to having everything done and will find adjustments more difficult. Having a new baby even with all the help and time off this woman has is still tough, she just seems to lack the ability to notice that its normal and everyone is struggling, no one has free time to themselves relevant to their pre child days. It reminds me of a pal who lived at home for years, rent free, lots of spending money and eventually bought a place with her boyfriend and spent the first year telling us how expensive her groceries were and talking about her electricity bill etc. She was about 26/27 ffs, absolutely no clue about real life and found the adjustment difficult. After a lot of eye rolling from us and occasional comment that we have all been doing this for years she eventually got the picture and got on with it.