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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you judge me?

15 replies

Crustyjuggler92 · 09/06/2023 12:58

I have a job which involves travelling from one place to another and often eat lunch in the car between visits. I recently realised that once a week, whilst I'm eating in the car, three family members are eating lunch at a cafe nearby. Great, I thought, I'll join them! Problem is, I have coeliac disease and none of the lunch options are gluten free (well known chain cafe). The only other cafe nearby is another well known chain with also no gluten free options (this isn't uncommon). I spoke to the people working there once and they said it was absolutely fine for me to eat my own food in the cafe as long as the others are eating. I always make sure I buy a nice drink and it works well for everyone. Not eating isn't really an option because it's quite a fleeting visit already (20 minutes or so) and I wouldn't have time to eat and then join them for the drink.

I don't really think I'm being unreasonable but if you saw me eating my own food would you judge me? I also don't check with the staff every single time even though it's not always the same person I asked initially working there. Do you think the staff are judging me?

YABU - I'd judge you
YANBU - Wouldn't think anything of it

OP posts:
CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt · 09/06/2023 13:00

I wouldn't even notice.

The cafe said its fine so you shouldn't really care if a random customer happens to notice and feels judgemental.

Izzabird · 09/06/2023 13:01

It sounds like a lot of bother for 20 snatched minutes with some family members in a café where you can't eat any of the food and haven't even got time to eat before or after. I'd probably just skip it altogether, tbh. It doesn't sound at all relaxing or good for the digestion!

Whenwillitallmakesense · 09/06/2023 15:24

You've asked for permission, it's been given, you haven't been asked to not to eat or to leave. What's the problem? Who cares what other people think?

BreviloquentBastard · 09/06/2023 15:27

I wouldn't even notice.

No one is paying as much attention to you as you think they are.

drpet49 · 09/06/2023 15:31

Pretty shocking that this chain cafe doesn’t have any gluten free options in this day and age.

PleasantOwl · 09/06/2023 15:44

I wouldn’t notice and if I did, I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

ThursdayFreedom · 09/06/2023 15:50

I would notice, but I'd just assume you Ad specific dietary restrictions that they don't cater for. I'm in the same position. However, currently my schedule is more flexible so I'd eat separately and join them for a drink, sometimes. In your situation I wouldn't bother as I'd rather spend the time alone, but if I wanted to join them I'd have no problem taking my own. Even more so as your issue is a main stream one they should cater for (mine isnt)

MrsCarson · 09/06/2023 15:54

I wouldn't judge as I would be able to eat there either as I'm Coeliac.
I went into a small coffee shop the other day with my Mother and thought I'd be drinking tea while she had a sandwich. Turned out they had all sorts and could make most of the menu GF as they made food to order. Had a bloody good time and a toasty with chips First time for a toasty in forever.

CurlewKate · 09/06/2023 16:01

I wouldn't notice-why would anyone?

tiggergoesbounce · 09/06/2023 16:06

I wouldn't notice, and the staff has said its fine. Enjoy your nice drinks and a chat.

W0tnow · 09/06/2023 16:08

I’d be surprised if anyone noticed. Honestly op, when was the last time you noticed what other people were eating in a cafe?

Hollyppp · 09/06/2023 16:09

I’m coeliac too and if anyone says anything I just point out how shit it is to be in our shoes. Most people can’t imagine having to follow our diet

JudgeRudy · 09/06/2023 16:10

If management have said its OK its up to them. What other people think isnt really valid.
Just make sure though its management that has approved this rather than one particular member of staff.

Mirabai · 09/06/2023 16:35

What’s the point for 20 mins?

NeedToChangeName · 06/08/2023 09:36

I would notice if you ate your own food

I sympathise with allergies/coeliac. I don't think that would entitle you to bring your own food

But if the cafe staff are OK with it, that's fine

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