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Original poster

Thinking of sperm donation

63 replies

toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 10:41

So I'm single, 41. I would like another child. I do not want a father. I can support the child via my work. I would not want to rely on benefits.

So, I thinking of sperm donor. I don't particularly want sex.

I've joined some groups. Does anyone know how this works? Does the man ejaculate into a cup and you put it into your vagina? I suppose you could just have sex?

Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
TheMooney · 09/06/2023 10:43

Put your hard hat on, OP.

On a more serious note, why not use a proper clinic?

StarGuide · 09/06/2023 10:44

Hi Arron1978 how's Sue?

GodspeedJune · 09/06/2023 10:45

No I haven’t done this but I’d strongly recommend going through a fertility clinic. If you’re financially secure then it shouldn’t be an issue and you are protecting yourself and your future child by using sperm that has been screened. It also means your child can contact the donor at age 18.

BloodyPrime · 09/06/2023 10:45

I think you'd be better off posting this in the 'Donor Conception' board if you want serious responses.. Just report your post and ask MN to move it.

KimberleyClark · 09/06/2023 10:46

How old is your existing child and is his father involved?

PinkPlantCase · 09/06/2023 10:46

If you want it all to be official and withe the appropriate checks for health and STIs in place then you need to go to a sperm bank not a Facebook group. This will give the child the legal rights to access information about the donor and potentially contact them when they are an adult (I’m unsure of the exact law at the moment). This could be something that is very important to the child in the future.

The sperm is usually delivered through IUI as this is cheaper and less invasive than IVF.

Piercedthroughtheheart · 09/06/2023 10:48

Take the responsible route for your future child and do it via a proper clinic. Friends of mine have done (same sex couple) and I believe it’s called IUI and they chose a donor etc.

These dodgy forums are full of creeps fathering hundreds of children to ‘spread their seed’ and not properly vetted for health issues. You don’t want your kid growing up with a genetic/hereditary problem through your own bad judgement. Also, don’t forget the bunch that are really after sex and will convince women that the ‘natural’ way will be most effective (I imagine this is probably true but it’s not the point!)

Mumoftwoinprimary · 09/06/2023 10:49

If you are going to do it, go through a proper clinic.

Otherwise:-

  1. No checks for STDs with the donor
  2. No way of contacting the donor when child is 18
  3. No checks on health of donor
  4. No checks on possible genetic problems
  5. Donor is not donor. Donor is dad. If they want to take you to court and get 50:50 then they can.
Paperbagsaremine · 09/06/2023 10:50

Plus, check out the book "Brave New Humans" for an overview of the long-term issues any child conceived this way can face.
It's the sort of thing that doesn't have a huge effect when a kid is two and just needs food, shelter and love. But I'm in my 50s now and know quite a few people trying to track down fathers they never knew ...

Original poster
toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 10:53

GodspeedJune · 09/06/2023 10:45

No I haven’t done this but I’d strongly recommend going through a fertility clinic. If you’re financially secure then it shouldn’t be an issue and you are protecting yourself and your future child by using sperm that has been screened. It also means your child can contact the donor at age 18.

Thanks. I can support children but I don't have 2K lying around spare. I will look into it though.

OP posts:
ditalini · 09/06/2023 10:54

Also "I don't want a father" is all very well, but it's not your father and not all about what you want. There's a reason that donor-conceived children in this country have a right to know who their donor was aged 18.

PinkPlantCase · 09/06/2023 10:56

toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 10:53

Thanks. I can support children but I don't have 2K lying around spare. I will look into it though.

Show quote history

🙈 in the grand scheme of conceiving and raising a child 2k isn’t really that much when what we’re talking about is the legal, health and genetic protections going through the proper channels would bring.

Clymene · 09/06/2023 11:05

Go through a proper fertility clinic. Otherwise your child's father could have 200 other kids.

Original poster
toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 11:07

I'm just seeing posts on facebook of these men who father what seem like 100s of children. It's quite crazy. It's probably best to father abroad than in a country you life in every time. What about inbreeding?

OP posts:
Ketzele · 09/06/2023 11:09

Yes I have done this but very, very carefully. I wanted the father to be known and involved and that meant finding a very special person and building a trusting platonic relationship (backed up with a legal contract).

Nearly 20 years on he is still a great dad and it has worked very well for us. BUT it took years to get our ducks in a row and you don't have time on your side. I strongly recommend you go to a reputable clinic. Obviously you would need to get more money together and you would need to use frozen sperm (not ideal) but entering into a casual arrangement with a stranger is very risky.

Original poster
toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 11:10

Ketzele · 09/06/2023 11:09

Yes I have done this but very, very carefully. I wanted the father to be known and involved and that meant finding a very special person and building a trusting platonic relationship (backed up with a legal contract).

Nearly 20 years on he is still a great dad and it has worked very well for us. BUT it took years to get our ducks in a row and you don't have time on your side. I strongly recommend you go to a reputable clinic. Obviously you would need to get more money together and you would need to use frozen sperm (not ideal) but entering into a casual arrangement with a stranger is very risky.

Thank you. If I just search will they come up?

Is it a case of turkey baster or is it necessary to do injections and things?

OP posts:
febrezeme · 09/06/2023 11:12

Just because you don't want or need a father for your child doesn't mean that your child doesn't want or need a father

DisquietintheRanks · 09/06/2023 11:16

If you can't afford to 2k for a clinic you can't afford another child. If you don't think 2k is worth spending to help safeguard that child, you don't deserve one.

orangie · 09/06/2023 11:17

StarGuide · 09/06/2023 10:44

Hi Arron1978 how's Sue?

😂

Original poster
toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 11:18

DisquietintheRanks · 09/06/2023 11:16

If you can't afford to 2k for a clinic you can't afford another child. If you don't think 2k is worth spending to help safeguard that child, you don't deserve one.

No one deserves a child. Having a child is always selfish.

OP posts:
CallieQ · 09/06/2023 11:19

StarGuide · 09/06/2023 10:44

Hi Arron1978 how's Sue?

Just what I was thinking!

vivainsomnia · 09/06/2023 11:20

If you do via an approve clinic, the genitor has no claim on the child.

If you do it via 'friends' or internet donation, the genitor will be considered the father unless proven otherwise.

CallieQ · 09/06/2023 11:20

Why keep posting about sperm donation under different usernames OP

Original poster
toosicktopray · 09/06/2023 11:23

CallieQ · 09/06/2023 11:20

Why keep posting about sperm donation under different usernames OP

This is my first post about this.

OP posts:
Leo227 · 09/06/2023 11:24

Absolutely do NOT do this via a group. Your child will hate you for it in the future.. go to a clinic if you must and make sure you choose a donor who is contactable as your child will most likely want / need to have information about the donor in future.