People need to accept their child can do wrong/misbehave

[NatureNurture85]

My DHs family frustrate me as any child in the family can do no wrong.

Examples include, Nephew is in a sexual relationship with his GF (they’re 15/16) it’s not nephew’s ‘fault’ it’s the ‘controlling girlfriend’ this kid trust me is not a child to be controlled!

Cousin didn’t revise for an exam apparently it’s the teachers fault for not telling cousin that there was an exam coming up! Although all parents were emailed about upcoming end of year exams this week.

Another cousin isn’t doing well at piano - it’s the piano teachers fault not the lack of practice.

The list goes on, it’s like the child in every situation is golden! I’m not saying tell a child off but I’m more well you have to accept when your child is also involved/responsible.

it’s really starting to pee me off and I want to say something but I can’t - anyway nor an AIBU but all these kids are going to be so full of entitlement

Oh the stories I could tell! But I'm not allowed, one day I'll quit my job (teacher) and write a book 😂

Some people cannot accept their child is average or just unmotivated. Some get them coaching to try and get them into grammar schools. Some are just plain deluded .

I’d love to hear some!!!

Oh god my ILs are like this - the kids in the family could stab someone and it would be someone else’s fault (probably mine 😂).
It happens when the kids turn into adults too! My niece went to the GP for medication as they found she had polycystic ovaries. At the time niece was extremely overweight. The doctor told her that losing weight would help. Her mum put in a formal complaint to the practice manager. Niece was 23!!!

Another teacher here! I once had to talk to a parent about the bad language their 7 year old was using. She said to me "I don't know where he effing gets it from. we never effing swear in our family. It must be the effing kids he plays with".

i just don’t get it! We were definitely brought up to take responsibility and recognise our behaviours. I imagine this isn’t a new thing, I actually think it creates very insecure children who will have a lot to ‘unwrap’ and also a lack of accountability can be dangerous.

Most adults can’t admit when they are wrong, so how are they going to do it for their kids!

Yes, as a teacher there is definitely a culture of lack of responsibility for the child - both in terms of results and in terms of behaviour. Very often you have parents of secondary students who ring the school because their child has experienced a disappointment eg not being cast in the school production and so on.

It's all about the individual effect on the child and very little thought about a wider group - even when it's something clearly competitive and difficult like ten tors.

It often puts teachers off running anything extra curricular because of the hassle involved.

You just need to read the threads on here; it's always either "someone's horrible brat did this to my angel child" or "my darling child was accused of this but I know they'd never do that". Every. Single. Time.

"Everyone was invited except my darling child" or "how do I avoid inviting that one child".

"Boo hoo those brats won't play with my lovely amazing child" or "how do I stop that brat from wanting to play with my angel child all the time".

"No one else disciplines their awful children" or "waaah someone said "no" to my child in public how do I sue"

These parents will always exist unfortunately. DS had a friend in primary who was a little tinker (like he was), his mum just wouldn't have it and even when people, actual witnesses, told her what he had been upto, she'd always either deny it or blame DS. I've always been the type to believe DS is capable and I'd admit that. She twigged on that so DS became the scapegoat to her DS's behaviour, because why not?!
She just couldn't admit her precious boy could be anything but golden . I'm not talking serious behaviour, silly stuff, she just wouldn't have it.

Thankfully DS no longer has anything to do with him anymore and I don't see his lovely mother anymore either...

While I agree with you, its a bit grim that the whole family know about your nephew's sex life

My ex mil was like this with her dc...four out of six of them have criminal convictions/have done time in prison! Obviously they were all stitched up 🙄

My son was at the park got into a tussle with another child at the top of the slide nothing major. I intervened and facilitated turn taking, both equally to blame. Dad strides over an dares to lecture me on my son's behaviour standing over me. I stood back at him and said ......and this proves the point. Idiot.

Teacher here (for over thirty years!) Many parents are desperate for their children to be seen as perfect as they are a reflection of them perhaps? Lost count of the number of parents who sit opposite you after a serious incident, look you in the eye and say " my child never lies".

One of my late mothers favourite sayings was "on your own head be it".
Sadly this doesn't seem to apply anymore. I think some of it is:lax parenting, and the "compensation culture"
Doctors are not even allowed to inform someone they need to lose weight in case they offend that person . People no longer expect to be held accountable for their own actions. In the news once again is a youth speeding on an electric bike being requested to stop by the police and refusing. Sped off and smashed into and ambulance and is now dead.
Not his fault of course.
Very little sympathy I'm afraid

It’s definitely a family thing - if you never speak with your child about consequences, how are they supposed to learn? This reminds me of something that came back to me recently:
My DD brought a couple of friends (boys) round when she was about 15. As they were leaving, they were talking about getting on the train without paying. I asked how old they were - both 16. They were quite taken aback when I pointed out that if they were caught, they would get a criminal record, and that it might hinder them in their future lives. I gave them the money for the fare, and recently one of the boys caught up with my DD at an event (she’s now in her 30’s) and mentioned that day.
He said an inspector was waiting at the station they got off the train at, and that several people were caught - not him or his friend, though - they had dutifully bought tickets as advised!
He said that the question of criminality had never been brought up at home before, so it was a big wake-up call that he has remembered ever since.
Talk to your kids about this stuff! It’s important…

YANBU.

just look at the thread on here the other day where a woman’s son was purposely blocking another family’s path by putting his arms out in front of the girls to stop them walking… and OP thought the family was in the wrong for telling him to move 😂

But what happens when they get spat into the world of work when no one thinks they’re the centre of everything and makes special allowances.

I don’t think it’s a kindness to raise your children like this.

God Yes.

As a mother of 3 DCs navigating our way through primary school i starting to see it very very clearly.

I would say 90% of mums take zero responsibility and most of these mums are "boy mums"!

We had a serious incident at school regarding my daughter and a large group of boys, the "ringleaders" mum too absolutely zero responsibility, infact tried to blame my daughter.

Honestly nothing shocks me now, I just always aim to deal with my own children's behavior and steer them in the right direction, Im always open for a mum to come and chat to me if somethings concerning them and would discipline my children without saying " awwww yes but 2 weeks ago your child done this to mine" which seems to be the standard around here.

A parent telling me that her DD was a very careful 7 year old and never looses anything so I must be lying about giving her child the same book as every other new child that day. A mother telling her DS not to swear by using other swear words and then wondering where he learned them.

Hilarious 😂😂😂

Yes and the other child is practically behorned and breathes fire and the OP’s child is kind and astute and wise beyond their years