People need to accept their child can do wrong/misbehave

[NatureNurture85]

My DHs family frustrate me as any child in the family can do no wrong.

Examples include, Nephew is in a sexual relationship with his GF (they’re 15/16) it’s not nephew’s ‘fault’ it’s the ‘controlling girlfriend’ this kid trust me is not a child to be controlled!

Cousin didn’t revise for an exam apparently it’s the teachers fault for not telling cousin that there was an exam coming up! Although all parents were emailed about upcoming end of year exams this week.

Another cousin isn’t doing well at piano - it’s the piano teachers fault not the lack of practice.

The list goes on, it’s like the child in every situation is golden! I’m not saying tell a child off but I’m more well you have to accept when your child is also involved/responsible.

it’s really starting to pee me off and I want to say something but I can’t - anyway nor an AIBU but all these kids are going to be so full of entitlement

You are definitely not being unreasonable op. I can think of so many people who are like this about their children, and even about their adult children.

The child/adult child does nothing wrong whatsoever and everything is ALWAYS someone else's fault.

The amount of times I’ve heard ‘boys will be boys’!

No, your boy is out of control and needs a stern telling off! Pronto!

Definitely DSS. I lose count of the number of ‘lazy teachers’ he’s had, the after school club who were not capable of looking after him because they didn’t tell him to put his coat on at break time, and the private tutor who wasn’t capable of teaching him. Honestly, everything is always someone else’s fault.

Accountability that’s the word I’m looking for! And entitlement. Have to be careful re:my DCs around ILs, SIL likes to say stuff to put the eldest down as same age as her DC so things like ‘oh they’re outwardly confident but what are they like inside’ random! Also ILs like to also put my DC on pedestal when they’re alone with them but then not when around others. It’s like weird fawning (but only if alone with my kids) otherwise SILs kids can do no wrong!

I’m not saying anything just noticing for now.

I’m the opposite with my kids. When something happens, first thing I ask my kid is “But what did YOU do?” I make them tell me the whole story, including their misdeeds. Sometimes it really is the other person’s fault, but I would never jump to that conclusion without hearing the whole story. It warps the child’s reality to take away the truth. But that’s what most parents do, and that’s the world we have to live in.

There was a thread not so long ago about a girl in year seven who had auditioned for the school choir and not been accepted. It would be natural for a child to be disappointed about this but the mother dramatised this out of all proportion telling us that the girl was deeply distraught. It was all the school’s fault, of course….

Yes agreed, not sure it is worse now but every child is beautiful, gifted, and always a victim of bullying a according to people on here I am sure away from here too but I don't notice that in normal life

Rarely we anyone mention the opposite, unless it is step kids of course

I know! If you aren’t like that yourself it’s weird.

DD1 was pretty easy and “good” by conventional measures and she’s grown into a fabulous woman; able, kind, funny. However growing up she was occasionally foul, for example at 8, she and her friends went through a very snide period when they were extremely unpleasant about people, including classmates. Awful! She got a right roasting but of course I never stopped loving her with all my heart. Also almost every child in the world she’d sometimes lie to avoid getting into trouble, it didn’t mean she was going to grow up to be a psychopath.

Loving your child doesn’t mean thinking they are perfect. You love them anyway and recognise that like other humans, even if they are lovely as a whole, they are capable of being little shits on occasion.

When parents claim teachers have it in for their Tilda; “Tilda promised me she didn’t do it and she would NEVER lie to me” - I wonder were they never a child? Have they lived under a rock?

In my teaching days, I always knew I was on to a winner if I mentioned Mummy and the child looked thoughtful.......if you get all the facts before taking matters further, many squalls can be avoided.
It's so disheartening not to be backed up.
One incident I remember is where a child on a museum trip was caught red-handed shoplifting in the gift shop. No lack of money, just bravado. It was just before Christmas, so instead of the usual detention (aka another hour's childminding, I suspect) we decided to exclude him from the Christmas party. this happened on the last afternoon of term, when all the formal events were over, so anybody swanning off early didn't miss anything vital.
So at lunchtime, as the others prepared for the festivities, Mummy came up to collect her son, his report and his belongings, to take him home.
If that had been my son, we would have had a quiet but serious chat on reaching home about what he was missing, and why.
I learned later that Mummy invited his friends round after school for another party in his home "so that he wouldn't feel left out".
As mentioned by a PP, a criminal record can put a serious crimp in career prospects, and I could forsee the shoplifting escalating as he grew; why not, with no obvious consequence?

Here's my parenting advice, teach your children that they are not the centre of the universe, they need to learn manners, patience, no matter how much you want something you don't always get it, learn to deal with defeat or disappointment, sometimes life isn't fair, and for parents, they are your children first, so parent them, set rules and consequences for behavior, set boundaries and if you don't disapline your child, someone who doesn't love then will...and if you don't parent well enough, you'll end up having to raise your grandchildren (not due to illness, disability or death...but due to how your child turned out as an adult).

I have an in-law like this! Their child’s shitty and quite frankly bullying behaviour is always someone else’s fault. Last time we saw them he was so bloody mean to my son, 3 years younger than him, all day that my son burst into tears come 6pm after nephew called him a little rat. Then SIL trots along and says “It’s OK, MiniWeetabixTowels is just a sensitive little boy”. Thankfully my SH doesn’t mind being blunt with his sister and said “Yeah I’d be sensitive too if I was getting picked on all day by someone older than me”.

Aren’t we fortunate that the awfulness of the other people’s brats hasn’t rubbed off on to our little angels.
😉😁😁

This made me 😆😆😆!
I am another one that finds it very strange that the OP's SIL and MIL are discussing the nephew's sex life. Also, I don't think it's "bad" or "wrong" that the teens are sexually active. To blame the girlfriend is really weird, though, I agree.

Attack is the best form of defence . I had a colleague spread rumours about my so called promiscuity. Turned out he was having an affair and spread rumours about me to deflect as his wife worked with us . You should have anonymously reported to the police .The mum shot you the messenger then spread roumers about you and your family to deflect off hers .