People need to accept their child can do wrong/misbehave

[NatureNurture85]

My DHs family frustrate me as any child in the family can do no wrong.

Examples include, Nephew is in a sexual relationship with his GF (they’re 15/16) it’s not nephew’s ‘fault’ it’s the ‘controlling girlfriend’ this kid trust me is not a child to be controlled!

Cousin didn’t revise for an exam apparently it’s the teachers fault for not telling cousin that there was an exam coming up! Although all parents were emailed about upcoming end of year exams this week.

Another cousin isn’t doing well at piano - it’s the piano teachers fault not the lack of practice.

The list goes on, it’s like the child in every situation is golden! I’m not saying tell a child off but I’m more well you have to accept when your child is also involved/responsible.

it’s really starting to pee me off and I want to say something but I can’t - anyway nor an AIBU but all these kids are going to be so full of entitlement

I do think the modern trend of 'affirming' everything has a lot to do with this. Nobody ever loses, everything is always 'valid' and of course nobody/nothing is ever wrong.

There's a kid in our village that's always causing trouble with his mates. People put pics on the village Facebook up with comments like " Anyone know who's kid this is throwing glass bottles at preschoolers in the park" or " Anyone know this kid? Just caught him trying to steal alcohol from the shop,". Then mum comes along swearing her head off, shouting that its a witch hunting. All kids are the same. He's only in year 8. I foresee a poor future ahead of him.

Yes I'd love to read that. Back in the day if you did something wrong at school, never mind the telling off you got from the teacher, what was waiting at home was 100 times worse - now the kid gets a telling off at school and the poor teacher needs to come in next day with a bodyguard because the parents naturally think that their dear child must be entirely blameless.

Spot on . Sister can't hold down a job as she clashes with people if she can't get her own way . DM always blames somebody else , it's never my sisters fault .

It’s really common. I worked in nurseries and schools for years and it’s unbelievable how many parents, when told their child is misbehaving, will blame it on another child. ‘Oh Tom is only ever like that when he plays with Leo.’ Yes, and Leo is only like it when he plays with Tom. The fact is they’re both misbehaving. Take some responsibility and let them take some responsibility. If Tom feels he must be rude and naughty whenever he is with Leo then he’s still being rude and naughty. Nobody else is under Leo’s ‘spell.’ Almost like Tom is choosing to behave that way and blaming Leo.

I also work in a school. Some parents will just not accept their child is badly behaved. Dare I say it, they want to be their child’s friend and fail to actively parent them. Also, parents should try to model the behaviour they want from their children. Our secondary hasn’t approved GCSE study leave (unless the exam in that subject has finished). The amount of students who are ill, have an appointment, a funeral to attend etc is ridiculous! I’m shocked by how many parents so easily lie.

When students are ‘off the rails’, staff are asked to step in and (effectively) parent the children. Secondary level is not the time to start! Parenting is bloody hard and I’m no expert but myself and my husband put in the groundwork when they were little, not excusing poor behaviours because ‘they’re only a child’. If anything, I’m guilty of not taking my children’s side.

The behaviour in our school is becoming shocking. There is so little respect for authority. I can’t imagine what some of the ‘little darlings’ will do when they are older. If they can’t accept rules at school and use excuse after excuse why they can’t do x, y or z, how will they hold down a job.

Society seems to be becoming so self-centred, wanting to live their best life at the expense of others, telling their ‘own truth’ etc.

I totally understand how teachers are leaving in droves!

Many years ago my Dad was a teacher and had a meeting with a parent where 2 teachers had witnessed a child doing whatever it was. The Father was adamant his Son hadn't done it despite their being 2 teachers and several dozen kids as witnesses. Father getting more and more angry and shouted "My Lad wouldn't lie to me to get out of trouble" and my Dad looked him straight in the eye and simply said "Well in that case he's not much of a lad is he?" 🤣🤣 The Father saw his point and backed down.

My in laws are like this with my SiL’s kids.

They’re a bloody nightmare but it’s never their fault. My nephew was arrested for stalking his ex girlfriend a few weeks ago but it’s not his fault and he hasn’t done anything wrong

My daughter has Tourette’s and I once caught them taking the piss out of her tics. I tore them off a strip, only to be told I must have been mistaken, they wouldn’t do that, how dare I accuse them of something so awful. I caught them again about half an hour later, and MiL was standing right there as well, but SiL still wouldn’t accept it.

I really don’t think it’s done them any favours what so ever. All three have major issues, been in trouble with the police, kicked out of school, etc.

Not so sure the world of work isn’t the same now.My dentist told me that an 18 year old dental assistant trainee was late every day putting appointments behind.He ‘had a word’, the girl went to the practice manager crying and the dentist was told to apologise!

Totally off track of thread, love the word ‘behorned’,

The reason we know is cos SIL and MIL make nephew the centre of the world hence he’s turning into a child with no boundaries. Himself displaying controlling tendencies (especially towards women). No respect for his father. And aggressive.

Not so long back my DS was at football training with the kids split in two for a game- when he was no where near the ball, another kid came over and kicked him hard twice (frustration over the score I think), DS is then crying on the floor.

In my head I was thinking ffs here we go, I'm going to have to get involved but to my absolute surprise the kids mum instantly shouted for him to get off the pitch, she gave him a sharp telling off, made him apologise and then made him leave training (it was nearly finished) and I heard her say this is what happens when you behave like that! Honestly I was in shock that a parent actually took action because in kids football it's all too often that the parents are the ones egging their kids on!

Kid has been back every week since and I haven't seen him act like that once so it obviously worked!

I would 100% do the same if DS acted like that too, he would be straight off! It's the only way to teach them, parents are doing their kids a dis service by acting like they're the golden child who can't do no wrong!

DH says he wished at 16 that he could find a controlling girlfriend who would make him have sex with her.

A responsibility of being a parent is to teach your child how to act in society and on general.

My son is 3.. he was pushing one day and nursery seemed worried to tell me. Straight away I had a word with him and asked then how we can work together to ensure it stopped. 2 days later no more pushing.
nursery staff told me in the past they’ve told parents and been told it’s their fault. Like anyone can control the impulse of a 3 year old still discovering the world.

When we go to the park some kids are feral and there’s no adult with them reminding them not to shove etc

My neighbour and one time good friend's son was selling drugs .I was at home post surgery and saw all the coming and going from their house so suspected something was up.He started selling to the much younger kids in our fairly affluent neighbourhood and then experimenting with stronger drugs .My son came to me with this information.I called his mum over to my house to inform her .At first horrified but then turned the tables on me spreading all sorts of lies about my kids and family .She and all the other neighbours completely ignore me now.

I like to think my children are fairly good on balance but I will go to bat for them if something is out of character for example if someone said ds1 hit another child I would be extremely suspicious if it was dd or ds2 I would be unsurprised especially ds2 (he took down ds1s bully he is four years YOUNGER FFS) but he is usually kind (unless it's family)

You see it on this forum all the time. It’s always the teachers fault, or another child, etc.
On the post about that 13 year old daughter of Ioan Gruffudd, when I commented that surely 13 years shouldn’t be throwing food and drink around, no matter the circumstances, I was met with “maybe she wanted to spend time with her Dad”, like that made it ok for that kind of behaviour. Excuse after excuse for children to behave dreadfully.
I was a teacher for many years and I’ve seen it all. I am sick of children running wild in pubs and restaurants while idiot parents just sit on and let them with the ‘oh it’s kids just being kids’ attitude.

I quit a nanny role over this.
Parent kept making excuses for their 8 yr old as in 'She's not ignoring you, she's just not answering you as she has a sore throat.' And ' I want to believe my kids when they tell me they have done nothing wrong.'
The other parent just found it funny when they treated me like crap.
The sense of entitlement was something else.

I think there are several reasons for parent denial. They want to be their children’s’ friend, they can’t bear to see them unhappy and it’s far easier to deny any issues as then you don’t have to deal with it.

My inlaws are like this about their golden child’s children. Nothing is their fault. Ever. They’re so perfect, the world should bow to their every whim.

My child, not so much. He’s criticised regularly. It’s truly shit. I pull them up on it, but if they do it once he’s big enough to understand, they will never set foot in my house again.

Just saw the same news report and thought exactly the same. I am now bracing myself for all the "heart of gold" and "salt of the earth" comments on social media!🤦‍♀️

I also just recently had a night out with some friends and one of them who I thought was ok revealed that her son was in prison. When we asked what for she declared it was his bitch ex girlfriend's fault????

I got yelled at in the street once by another mum telling me make my son leave her son alone.

I don't think DS is perfect, and he does have quite significant behavioural issues. But shouting at me in the street in front of the children? And DS had had plenty of complaints about her son over the preceding weeks and we had brought this up with the school

HB says the same where we're all these girls when he was 17!

Indeed!

Fgs! I actually think nephew will end up in prison due to zero boundaries.

level of entitlement at our school is huge! I do feel for you teachers.

these are SILs kids and deffo golden children to my ILs.