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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not work during 8 weeks off?

84 replies

mirabellyache · 08/06/2023 11:20

So our daughter has just finished her postgraduate degree. She has 8 weeks off before she starts a super intense (and well paid) job in finance. She's 'completely broke' in her words. She has a wonderful boyfriend who she lives with, who is happy to support her during this break. He thinks its best she enjoys this time off as she is not going to get such a long and proper rest for a long long time.

I agree with him, and I'm happy to throw a bit of money now and again so she can enjoy herself. Their flat needs some DIY and she's said she's looking forward to doing it, and keeping the house tidy/doing cooking etc.

AIBU to think it's ok to not work, even if it means she's not earning?

My parents are from a different generation. Working class, and still think that you can get a job for the week by just signing up at the factory or whatever. They keep badgering my DD about why she isn't working, and it's lazy with all this time off.

OP posts:

Casdentwo · 08/06/2023 11:23

Well done to your DD she has successfully secured a well paid career based job....she has a start date and will be in all likely hood be working for many years so yes enjoy this break she has and will earn it

LlynTegid · 08/06/2023 11:25

It may be the best chance to do the DIY and other house things, so I think OK. Hope the new job turns out to be all your DD wishes for.

survivalmodemum · 08/06/2023 11:27

YANBU. When will she get 8 weeks off again? Not until retirement! She has a job lined up which you say will be intense, and I think a break will set her up for it well.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/06/2023 11:34

I think the response is.... She is working - doing DIY until her career job starts.

Sirzy · 08/06/2023 11:37

What does she want to do?

i agree with you and her partner but that’s irrelevant if she would rather be earning.

Original poster

mirabellyache · 08/06/2023 11:42

Oh no, she really wants to take the time off to relax. She's getting annoyed with her grandparents piling the pressure on and making her feel guilty!

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 08/06/2023 11:44

If they are just going to badger her for 8 weeks, then I wouldn’t be seeing them for that period of time, tbh. If the boyfriend is happy to support her, I don’t see the problem.

Elliania · 08/06/2023 11:44

Also by the time she's looked for a job, done the interviews etc, won't it be almost time to start the job she has lined up? Seems really redundant going for a job knowing you'll be leaving in 6-8 weeks.

Pubgardener · 08/06/2023 11:46

It’s fine to not work, but if she keeps mentioning that she is completely broke then I don’t think she can expect any response apart from get a job? What does she expect the answer to “I’m broke” to be?

Achildlessperson · 08/06/2023 11:47

Take the time off! I work in finance and this will be the one time you get a true break - it’s not even that long and tbh, I don’t think it helps any employer if she’s only around for 6 or so weeks. Maybe if she is that bored, she could do promo work (I always did this, it’s good for a bit of cash) but realistically, use the time to enjoy life before work gets tough. It’s none of the grandparents business

readbooksdrinktea · 08/06/2023 11:50

She shouldn't be saying she's broke then. People are going to tell her to work. If she keeps quiet they won't know.

Ihatepickingausername3 · 08/06/2023 11:50

She’s very unlikely to get a job for such a short space of time. What’s the point? Even with agency by the time she’s got it, it will be time to start the new one!

caringcarer · 08/06/2023 11:51

She could work for 4 weeks to get some money, then still take a month off to prepare for her new job, do a bit of DIY and cook. I wouldn't be throwing money at any of my children, if they just chose to not work for 8 weeks.

Inertia · 08/06/2023 11:56

If they were paying tradespeople to do repairs/painting/decorating etc in the flat, would the grandparents say those people weren’t working?

I think the grandparents are being unreasonable. She has a job , she’s just waiting for it to start. If she had no job lined up I’d think her unwise to put off looking, but she has a job. If the boyfriend can support her for a few weeks then it’s no one else’s business. She’s unlike to get taken on anywhere else if she’s going to leaving after a couple of weeks.

If it’s a high pressure job, there may be things she needs to prepare before starting .

Trickedbyadoughnut · 08/06/2023 12:03

Well, if it's what they both agree on (DD and partner), I think it's a great use of time!

Not that it matters, but we were buying in a ton of help around the house (petsitter, cleaner, tradespersons, decorators, gardener, etc.) at one point and DH ended up cutting his hours so he could do a lot of the stuff we were outsourcing and we recouped more than his lost earnings - that kind of stuff costs a fortune!

Remaker · 08/06/2023 12:07

I’d be telling the GP to keep their beaks out. It’s nothing to do with them. She and her partner are adults and they’ve made a decision. End of. If they keep badgering I’d advise her to avoid them for a while until they get the message.

Maxiedog123 · 08/06/2023 12:10

She's got a job lined up, I would be encouraging her to have a break now so in good shape for starting a challenging job!

Summerishereagain · 08/06/2023 12:12

readbooksdrinktea · 08/06/2023 11:50

She shouldn't be saying she's broke then. People are going to tell her to work. If she keeps quiet they won't know.

I took that to meant her mental health is broken.

What does she mean by this OP?

beguilingeyes · 08/06/2023 12:12

I started work in 1979. For the next 30 years my longest break was two weeks. She should grab it with both hands.

LadyDanburysHat · 08/06/2023 12:13

It's only 8 weeks, she'd be lucky to get anything started in that time. And also who will take her on knowing that she will leave soon.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/06/2023 12:15

I took 6 months off when I was 23. I had about £700 a month to live on (which obviously went further then!)

I figured I'd never get the chance again. Nearly 20 years later and I've been right so far.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/06/2023 12:16

Summerishereagain · 08/06/2023 12:12

I took that to meant her mental health is broken.

What does she mean by this OP?

Show quote history

I read it as being related to money as the OP then says about giving her money.

SquigglePigs · 08/06/2023 12:18

The chances of her getting short term work to fill the gap is pretty low anyway.

Her plan sounds excellent and I think she should be encouraged to make the most of the break so she's ready to hit her new job all rested and clear headed when it starts. Getting on top of their DIY is a great use of the time.

Hankunamatata · 08/06/2023 12:21

Iv worked with many PhD students and yes the majority are mentally broke when they have finished their PhD as its such a slog in the subject area I'm in the get over the finish line. I'd totally encourage 8 weeks off to recuperate and find herself again.
People have no idea around the intensity and pressure around final year of PhD

GoodChat · 08/06/2023 12:23

It sounds like the perfect opportunity to ensure they're living company before she gets into an intense professional job.

You must be very proud OP!

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