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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not work during 8 weeks off?

84 replies

mirabellyache · 08/06/2023 11:20

So our daughter has just finished her postgraduate degree. She has 8 weeks off before she starts a super intense (and well paid) job in finance. She's 'completely broke' in her words. She has a wonderful boyfriend who she lives with, who is happy to support her during this break. He thinks its best she enjoys this time off as she is not going to get such a long and proper rest for a long long time.

I agree with him, and I'm happy to throw a bit of money now and again so she can enjoy herself. Their flat needs some DIY and she's said she's looking forward to doing it, and keeping the house tidy/doing cooking etc.

AIBU to think it's ok to not work, even if it means she's not earning?

My parents are from a different generation. Working class, and still think that you can get a job for the week by just signing up at the factory or whatever. They keep badgering my DD about why she isn't working, and it's lazy with all this time off.

OP posts:
Catspyjamas17 · 08/06/2023 14:12

Full time, I meant to add there.

User57632678372 · 08/06/2023 14:22

Absolutely fine. I had an unwanted redundancy a few years ago with only a statutory pay out so I lived extremely frugally for a month whilst I job hunted. I then got offered something and although I could’ve started immediately, I’d been so stressed in the month prior I asked to start in 3 weeks time and having spent next to nothing whilst looking meant I had the funds left to do so. It was summer and I could finally relax and spent 3 very happy weeks socialising and feeling like I didn’t have a care in the world! One of the happiest times of my life.

Obviously would be a different story if she was expecting her grandparents to fund the employment gap, but she’s not so their opinion is irrelevant and sounds like the supporting party is happy with the arrangement so she should go for it. There is more to life than just working!

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 08/06/2023 14:47

It’s eight weeks before she starts her brilliant new job. The grandparents can get bent. She’s got herself sorted, her partner is happy to support her. There’s no need to get a shitty job in the interim and graft for the sake of it, because it’s the ‘done thing’, according to them. 🫤 she’s got the whole of the rest of her life to work herself into an early grave, sole thing they’d probably see as ‘honourable’.

whynotwhatknot · 08/06/2023 14:59

whats it go to do with them her boyfriend is ok with it

Ponderingwindow · 08/06/2023 15:04

I have a very strong work ethic and I did something like this. I had a small amount of money saved and knew I could make it last until my pay started. It didn’t make sense to find a short job when I could enjoy myself for a couple of months. I was also moving in the middle of the gap, so finding work would have been especially difficult.

if she has her budget worked out and she isn’t asking relatives for money, just let her get on with things.

Starlightstarbright1 · 08/06/2023 15:52

I gave up a job I had done for 10 years planned to have a month off but got a job quicker than planned that job finished again another job came up immediate start so had to take it but given the choice I would have had a break - congratulations to her- enjoy the break

Maxiedog123 · 08/06/2023 15:58

I had a similar gap between finishing university and starting a well paid job. I not only took the time off, but took out a loan to go to Nepal trekking, and paid off the loan soon after starting my job. I've never regretted it, it was the last time I could take than 2 weeks off for several years.

Glittertwins · 08/06/2023 18:32

I also had a slightly smaller gap between securing a graduate job after my finals and starting it. I made the most of up all night, sleep all day knowing full well I'd never be able to do that again in the foreseeable future.

abyssofwoah · 08/06/2023 18:35

I was broken after my masters. 8 weeks off is a great idea. She has a job lined up, she’s nothing to prove to anyone

MeridaBrave · 11/06/2023 14:17

She should enjoy her time off and tell her grandparents to F right off. The job will be super intense and no need to sign on now unless literally not enough money to eat.

Curtainpoles · 11/06/2023 14:46

She is absolutely NBU, it sounds like she will be fine to do this financially and she will likely not get another chance.
I studied midwifery in my late twenties after having my kids and took 6 weeks off between the course ending and starting my job. My husband supported me to do so having seen how hard I'd worked during the degree. Most of my course-mates did the same, there was only a very small minority of people who started working as a maternity assistant until their PIN came through (about 2 weeks) and then straight into being a midwife. Some people didn't start working until the next January, having finished the course in September. And good for them, they've caught up now.

I qualified in September 2019 so was extremely grateful to have had that time off once covid hit...!

kingtamponthefurred · 11/06/2023 15:20

It really isn't any adult's business how another adult spends her time, unless the latter is expecting the former to support her, either personally or via taxes.

Moonshine60 · 11/06/2023 16:50

It may be one of the few times she has 'time out'. She should enjoy it, there is nothing wrong with taking a break, there will be a lifetime of the daily grind.

pizzaHeart · 11/06/2023 18:37

MeridaBrave · 11/06/2023 14:17

She should enjoy her time off and tell her grandparents to F right off. The job will be super intense and no need to sign on now unless literally not enough money to eat.

I agree with every word of it ^

Findinginnerpeace · 11/06/2023 18:46

I agree with those who think the OP means her daughter is broken mentally, and I agree with this as I am the same having just finished an intense undergraduate course that required placement for 8 months of the last 12. I did this alongside having a tiny baby and a terminally ill sibling. I have a job lined up and am just waiting for my checks to be done. Damn straight I’ve done nothing but look after my child for the past few weeks since I handed in my last assignment. If I didn’t have a child, I would have literally slept for a month and then had a wee holiday to myself before starting my job.

Jobs aren’t as easy to come by as they used to be and lots of organisations require extensive checks before they’ll start you. I started this process in April and I’m still waiting on multiple things to be done before I can actually start. My friend is applying for a job and they’re asking really intrusive questions about everything including past relationships and credit history.

I’m sure your daughter has worked extremely hard and gained a job relevant to her degree, why the hell should she bust a gut in (most likely) a min wage job just to fill the gap to appease her grandparents? I’d be telling them to butt out as well, their opinions are neither wanted nor required.

Congratulations to your daughter 🥳

EyelessArseFace · 11/06/2023 18:55

She needs the break.

Either: A - you tell the grandparents to STFU and mind their own business, or B - tell them she's got a little job in the supermarket down the road to tide her over.

USaYwHatNow · 11/06/2023 19:04

The few weeks I had between qualifying as a Midwife and then starting work (about 6 weeks) was amazing. I already had a couple of part time jobs which I kept for a while so had to work at them, but the mental break of not needing to be anywhere or to work was such a relief for a while

BMrs · 11/06/2023 19:06

Absolutely not a problem- well done her! And sounds like she had a very supportive partner too. My DH has a super stressful and high pressures job, he really regrets not taking a week or two before starting as 6 years in and he's still to take a week off without working at home!

toodlesofoodles · 11/06/2023 19:09

Jesus Christ she's got the opportunity to have some mental downtime that the majority of us would absolutely jump at, of course yanbu!

For what it's worth, if I recruited someone today they would not start work for at LEAST 4 weeks due to rtw checks etc, her looking for a job is absolutely a massive waste of her time imo.

Tell your parents to mind their own business and leave her alone.

Parkandpicnic · 11/06/2023 19:14

Completely agree with you, sounds like a very well deserved break which will do her good

bussteward · 11/06/2023 19:15

Depressing how many “this is the last chance she’ll have” comments there are. Perhaps
I’m quite lazy but I’ve given myself plenty of chunky sabbaticals over the years.

She should stop updating the grandparents on her plans. Let them twist.

Coronationstation · 11/06/2023 19:19

Definitely take the time off before starting a job like that! Our graduates seem to be starting work earlier and earlier every year. We had one start last Monday, literally straight out of the finals exam hall and into corporate life, i appreciate money might be a struggle but I don’t think that’s healthy without a break.

Maray1967 · 11/06/2023 19:31

Remaker · 08/06/2023 12:07

I’d be telling the GP to keep their beaks out. It’s nothing to do with them. She and her partner are adults and they’ve made a decision. End of. If they keep badgering I’d advise her to avoid them for a while until they get the message.

This is exactly what someone I know told her in laws after their DD was being harassed like this - same situation, job in place. She and DH had explained the situation politely but GPS kept going - until my friend lost it with them.

Cupcakes19 · 11/06/2023 20:51

She has a job coming up. If she didn’t then it would be different.

If she gets bored etc she could always volunteer instead during those 8 weeks.

Sounds like she needs to take the break. One thing you cannot get back is time….

concertgoer · 13/06/2023 20:54

Tell her to enjoy the break!
I’d love 8 weeks off!

but either sign on or pay the voluntary NI contribution.