X on text from random men - happened again

[Flyinggeesei234]

I’ve got a new gardener - booked for fortnightly visits. Has been a few times, seems very good. Yesterday he messaged me about the garden (had to miss some tasks as timed out but wanted to assure me would do next time etc - so text purely about the garden). But he put a x (kiss sign, right?) at the end.

I feel this is too familiar/potential interest in getting into a text chat thing. I know he would not do this on a text to a man. That’s the crux of it. I don’t like it. It’s happened before whereby someone has been to do some work (e.g. joinery job) then a message has a ‘x’ on it. It’s the assumption I’m single (just because no man around when jobs are done).

My AIBU? Am I overreacting? I just want to ask him to not do the garden again. But it’s only a ‘x’! I’m sick of men doing this and it’s just one more. Why text in a different/familiar way just because I’m female? Hate it.

Hi, I’d guess he’s late 30s.

How many messages have you had with an X at the end?

If just the one message then you are completely over-thinking this.

It's a friendly thing so lots of people do it without thinking.

If you don't like it then make sure your messages do not end like that and do not come across as overly familiar.

I'd be more worried if it was a winking emoji or an aubergine! 😉 🍆

Yes, @Enko context is everything I agree. Context in this case is professional text messaging (as opposed to between friends). I thought I had been clear on that.

So no, in the context of professional relationships I would not expect x used when sending to a man. That’s why I agreed with that poster.

Between friends of either sex I would
hardly register it. That’s not what my post is about.

Sorry @Enko to answer your latter
point, yes the content of the main message was absolutely fine, to be fair. Purely about the gardening task.

I could cope with a x on texts. I wouldn't like being called darling and love, that's way too personal with romantic connotations to me.

Mate will do, I'm not sure why that has to be a male - only term?

I'd text back "Great, thanks for letting us know. - Jim at No22" and see if he does the kissy thing again.

I hate it too. It's supposed to be friendly but I just find it odd.

On its own I wouldn't over worry; it's just something people do. Bit like people from some parts of the country call you love or m'duck etc.

I'm male and 60+ working as a benefits adviser. I've had emails from clients, usually females, with an x and I'd think nothing of it.

Obs, if there's anything more overt, for example it seems you're being chatted up rather than to or he stands too close to you then you might need to divert him and/or make crystal clear that your relationship is professional and that's all it will be.

Admittedly finishing with an x isn’t very professional.

However, texting is a relatively informal means of communication.

The “x” sign off on a text message is often these days the equivalent of the “kind regards” on an email or the “yours sincerely” on a letter.

Its not to be taken literally as wanting some tongue action.

This reminded me that my DS’s (male) guitar tutor also puts x on the end of texts, both group texts and individual, so I assume some of those texts are going to men. I don’t reply with an x, but don’t mind receiving it at all. He’s a nice man,
not in the least bit creepy or patronising.

Thanks everyone for all input. Really glad I made this thread.

Might be a habit, but if you are sure he's a creep - fire him immediately and make sure your next gardener knows you are against any sort of 'x' business at the end of messages.

Or, perhaps he's just absent mindedly doing it and if it annoys you, tell him.

I do too, messages between male colleagues who I work with always put an X at the end, and we work in an industry that you probably would expect it of us. Just a friendly thing.

in an industry you probably wouldn't *expect it....

Perhaps those of you saying it's a hysterical overreaction to question it have not been in the position of being a lone female getting workmen in the house. Perhaps you've not been abused by a man/men (good!).

I have.

I have also:
Had a tradesman kiss me completely univited (wasn't intended to be sexual. It was more a kiss on the cheek in a kindly but very socially awkward way I think but still very inappropriate and upset me after previous experiences)

Had a tradesman stand very close to me, initiate long and personal conversation, generally give me the creeps and then flounce off in a hurry when he came back to do work because my son came into the room and he clearly thought I was alone. He never returned and I never paid him.

Had a tradesman put X's on the end of texts but not consistently. Only when he'd been and realised I was alone and started being a bit familiar.

I do not think I'm some sort of irresistible gorgeous man magnet. I don't think any of those men probably wished me any harm. I do think some men will try and take advantage of lone females. I do think we should listen to our instincts as women because this protects us from male harm.

I think it's habit sometimes. DH often ends texts to male friends with a xx, in error.

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. Thanks for posting @ConfusedNoMore

In that case, assume it is an automatic x and not one intended as a kiss.

Obviously, if anything else happens deal with that.

I’ve unfortunately said ‘love you bye’ on the phone at work on occasion 😂😂 deffo automatic

They definitely do. There’s a guy at my work that does it and I mentioned it in the office and all the guys said he does it to them all the time. For some it’s just force of habit. Don’t make a big deal of it. It means nothing

I’m male and get a few x from various people male and female definitely out of habit

I don’t give it a second thought

Well I put 3 xxx on the end of a text to my boss when I texted in sick! We definitely do not have the kind of relationship where this could be 'laughed off' 😳 It was pure habit on my part and I knew I'd done it the split second I'd sent it!! 😱

Must admit that I do this out of habit myself. But I have lived in Essex for decades. 😳

It’s probably true that women do this habitually more than men, but I would not read too much into it, unless you get other signals.

As a clinician in the NHS on some sleep deprived days I have finished phone calls/ consultations with bye love you... sometimes it is just automatic and I have had patients complain (normally when dd is ill and I have had 2/3hrs sleep)...

You should see DPs work group chat. They send "xx" and call each other babe 😂

My 24 yr DS and his friends often sign off to each other with an x, plenty of men do this now, it’s lovely they don’t feel the need to be all macho.