X on text from random men - happened again

[Flyinggeesei234]

I’ve got a new gardener - booked for fortnightly visits. Has been a few times, seems very good. Yesterday he messaged me about the garden (had to miss some tasks as timed out but wanted to assure me would do next time etc - so text purely about the garden). But he put a x (kiss sign, right?) at the end.

I feel this is too familiar/potential interest in getting into a text chat thing. I know he would not do this on a text to a man. That’s the crux of it. I don’t like it. It’s happened before whereby someone has been to do some work (e.g. joinery job) then a message has a ‘x’ on it. It’s the assumption I’m single (just because no man around when jobs are done).

My AIBU? Am I overreacting? I just want to ask him to not do the garden again. But it’s only a ‘x’! I’m sick of men doing this and it’s just one more. Why text in a different/familiar way just because I’m female? Hate it.

By the way I would be more trnse about gardener calling me “love”.
I absolutely hate it.

I think he just didn't want you to be annoyed about him missing tasks, so put a x to sweeten you up.
I don't think it means he fancies you

I do get it if it’s a social message, even if to people the sender hasn’t met (I wouldn’t but know it’s perfectly acceptable and no prob).

But, say, if you have a decorator over to do a quote, then they message afterwards with a ‘x’. Would they do it to a man? Would you overthink etc if I. That example there was no ‘x’?

I’m just curious. I may be overreacting but it’s the ‘pattern’ of this overwhelmingly being when a male messaged female. I’m so confident that my partner is not getting ‘x’ on his texts from a gardener or decorator or the fella that serviced the boiler. I’m getting way more tuned into this as I get older!

Is this unusual? I often get an "x" from people I know only in a professional capacity - midwives, nursery staff, landscapers... Personally I don't think it's the best look but I don't think it's rude. For some people it just seems to be their version of a friendly full stop!

That’s fair enough. Thanks. Appreciate all takes on this. Maybe I’m just a bit tightly wound! I’m the same, never put x as a full stop but appreciate lots do.

As I say it’s the pattern. And the distinction being made between female and male when deciding on tone of messages.

Some men do talk to female customers differently- ok it’s not very p.c but it’s hardly a sign he’s a creep as mentioned up thread! It’s not threatening, perhaps could be construed as patronising?

For example, my dh is a builder are will call female customers “love” and male customers “mate” once on friendly terms.

He’s currently working for a couple in their eighties and I heard him say thank you darling when finishing a call with the lady. It’s far from sexual.
Hes a cockney if that makes any difference?
Its friendly albeit slightly clumsy and old fashioned.

I agree with pp- he was letting you know he didn’t finish the garden tasks- the x at the end softened the blow.

I've messaged my boss with a xx on the end multiple times out of habit from messaging DH. My boss panicked when he was new and he put a x back 😂 we still do it now as a joke.

Did you reply with a x?

My DP does, and so do all his colleagues. They are tradesmen too, and usually taking the mickey out of each other all day.

However, I wouldn’t like this either OP. It’s too familiar and not professional.

I used to work with a guy who did it all the time even on work emails, he even puts it on LinkedIn responses. Not every single email or post or just to women, it can be force of habit.

See, I think this is fine, and really nice! I’m Mancunian and it’s a very normal way of speaking here too. Totally fine.

I think I’m just jaded and the message thing has happened once too often.

What a narrow view of the world.

Sorry to burst whatever bubble you're living in but they absolutely do. My workplace is 50/50 men/women and several of the men "X" all their messages, to men or women. A couple of them are constantly sending "X" and "❤️" to eachother more than they do the women. It's not that deep.

I’ve done this before when messaging our builder and was mortified. My husband puts x at the end of his messages to some people and occasionally slips and sends an unintended message with an x. It could easily be a mistake. I’d reply as normal and think no more of it unless he makes it a regular thing.

Sometimes

ive done it through habit to a range of people, I’ve received from a range of people, some I guess by accident.

it doesn’t mean anything

Habit. Just happens sometimes

I think for many people it’s just habit. I know one of my friends always puts x at the end of a message when she doesn’t want it to look like she was being stroppy or demanding. If your gardener was using that train of thought it wouldn’t be unusual at all to stick an x at the end of a quote. I’d be pissed off if a gardener finished a text with an aubergine emoji but I wouldn’t think twice about an x.

I (a man) have a guitar tutor (also a man) who always sends texts with kiss emojis. Neither of us are gay. He doesn't mean anything by it. It's just what he does.

Gives me the hives. It weirds me out when commercial transactions go all kissy. Don't cross the streams!

(I also refuse to eat jam with bread or any sweet with savoury things, so appreciate this may be my issue).

The amount of work men I've put x's too in the past I've also ended phone calls to to Asda and EE with the phrase bye love you.

I agree with others that it is often just habit. It's not the most professional but a lot of people do it!

My husband does do a 'x' for male friends sometimes, so I don't think it is necessarily only female recipients.

😆 it just slips out doesn’t it?

I love this @JennyForeigner ! Feel exactly the same. With an added sprinkle of feminist annoyance.

Id be pissed off if a gardener finished a text with an aubergine 😂

I mean if your gardener starts sending you flirty or chatty texts which deviate from the work, then you’re entitled to feel annoyed or not use him. But considering telling him not to return over an X?

He’s so far good at his job so I’d assume the “x” thing didn’t indicate any ulterior motive other than to be friendly.

My DH has accidentally put a x on the end of messages to his male boss before. It’s just habit.

If I’m distracted I’ve nearly done the same to male work colleagues.

This made me chuckle! 🤭