X on text from random men - happened again

[Flyinggeesei234]

I’ve got a new gardener - booked for fortnightly visits. Has been a few times, seems very good. Yesterday he messaged me about the garden (had to miss some tasks as timed out but wanted to assure me would do next time etc - so text purely about the garden). But he put a x (kiss sign, right?) at the end.

I feel this is too familiar/potential interest in getting into a text chat thing. I know he would not do this on a text to a man. That’s the crux of it. I don’t like it. It’s happened before whereby someone has been to do some work (e.g. joinery job) then a message has a ‘x’ on it. It’s the assumption I’m single (just because no man around when jobs are done).

My AIBU? Am I overreacting? I just want to ask him to not do the garden again. But it’s only a ‘x’! I’m sick of men doing this and it’s just one more. Why text in a different/familiar way just because I’m female? Hate it.

Yanbu. You perceived this to be patronising at best, and an unwelcome flirtation at worst.

Your perception is not unusual, and maybe not wrong. This man is running a gardening business. It is in his interest not to feck off his customers.

Ditto all the x's you have had from men giving quotes for work.

I would very much not be okay with a gardener or dentist or lawyer or carpenter calling me 'love' or 'darling' or adding x's to their communications with me. Not unless we had a long and friendly relationship.

For all the people saying it's habit... it's a bad habit. You need a different style of communication for friends and for business.

All the people telling you that you are over-reacting - it's just a bit short of telling you that you're hysterical. That your faulty womanly boundaries are the problem.

X means nothing. Lots of people do it without thinking about it.
Do you have any real issues you could worry about instead?

I REALLY have to consciously think to NOT put a x on certain texts. I have on more than one occasion returned school text messages (to male/female staff all the way up to HT) with a 'kiss'.
I've just checked a few messages and I've got kisses on them all, dog day care, hairdressers (who I dont actually know!), family and friends.
I wouldn't be bothered by the x, however if it or he makes you feel uncomfortable you don't have to have him back. Does he know you're single?

'Id be pissed off if a gardener finished a text with an aubergine 😂'

What if you were growing aubergines and he thought he'd just pop a nice friendly aubergine on the end

And the first nasty reply has landed!

Yes, unfortunately @Daisybuttercup12345 I
am capable of worrying about more than one thing at a time!

Oh for crying out loud. Putting a habitual 'x' at the end of a text isn't an assumption that you're single.

You must be one hell of a penis magnet if that's what usually happens in your life.

Our window cleaner puts an 'x' on the end of his texts (he texts me and my husband in a group of us 3 as we work from home on different days)

I'll let my husband know he wants to know if he's single!

Do you always go through life looking for offence to be taken?

No.

You've got to be quite self absorbed to think somebody is patronising or flirting with you over an 'x' on a text.

I couldn't imagine being so stone faced.

It's giving a whiff of 'I hate all men.'

I knew someone who used x as punctuation in her texts. At the end of every sentence x
We are not friends 😂😂

But yeah, it's probably just a habit.

Dh has two male friends who does this in texts to him (and to me and their wives) I've seen texts from them like directions for where we are meeting. Ending with a x. For them both it's 100%automatic. Dh doesn't do it back they still do. .
It's not a issue for me or dh.

Op in your case I'd just ignore.

Fair enough. But friends is totally different, I can see that it’s fine in that case.

It’s as a brilliant PP put it ‘getting kissy’ on professional messages.

I wouldn't think anything of this at all, I know a few men who put kisses on their messages regardless of the recipient

I don't like anyone I don't know putting an x at the end of a text - men or women. It's particularly odd from work colleagues. YANBU. It's weird.

This is a really good point. Context is everything! The poor aubergine is always eyed suspiciously 😂

Oh for god sake🙄

I was messaging my sons football manager and put and X on the end of the text BY ACCIDENT, These things happen. No need to start a thread about it!

Precious

I expect it's a force of habit. I've done it to my male friends (as a male) before accidentally.

It doesn't suddenly mean I want to get off with them...

Thank you @SpareHeirOverThere you’ve articulated this so well and it’s exactly how I feel about it.

In isolation I can apply the logic that some people do just get finger trouble or use x as punctuation. It’s the pattern/predictability of it making this one the ‘final straw’ to make me question it on here.

I welcome all (except the rude, keyboard warrior) responses and viewpoints but have been surprised by the veiled ‘hysterical’ insinuations, yes!

I use an x as a kind of best wishes sign off these days if not a very formal message. Certainly don't mean kisses.

I put an x all the time it’s like finishing off a mess also in text it’s to make certain things don’t come across too bossy

Yes I do. I’ve done it on here when I give advice and don’t want the tone to be too blunt and unfriendly!

Its more than just habit I think or a mistake, it’s to alter the tone and doesn’t actually mean you want to literally kiss the recipient.

So in the gardener’s text- “I couldn’t finish the work, will do it next time” I would assume the x indicates - no hard feelings/ sorry etc.

Finishing off a message not mess 🙈

What age is he? I'm finding I'm getting IMs and emails from newish graduates and apprentices at work with ❤️ and X. Seems to be common depending on the age and personality.

Professional no but what can you say without coming across like a sourpuss.

I don’t take offence to people putting x at the end of messages but it does make me think a bit less of their professionalism - just as if there was a spelling mistake or they had got my name or address wrong.

Yes all these things can happen by accident/habit but they don’t look good.

It’s a relatively recent thing that’s only really happened in the last 10-15 years - so I guess there might be a generational element to it too.

So basically what you are saying is context is everything.

As first you agreed with another poster who said a man would not do this to another man now you are saying friends are ok.

So if context is everything. What is the rest of the text like? Friendly but fairly professional? Aka "I didnt manage to mow the lawn within the time . I will do it first thing next week. Btw we should consider moving the roses they are not getting enough sun x"

If so I'd completely ignore it as the context is friendly yet focused.

If its more like
"I didn't manage to mow the lawn will do it first thing next time. I'm sure you want to be out there in your bikini with the nice weather coming x" then tell him it's not appropriate. But that's not just the x.