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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday cake etiquette

52 replies

TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 16:11

If a few people have come to visit you on your birthday and someone has baked you a cake and gives it to you, what is the etiquette?

YABU it’s yours to eat once everyone has gone home
YANBU you ask if anyone would like a piece and cut it immediately

OP posts:
Screwballs · 07/06/2023 16:11

Offer everyone a piece I'd say

bumpercarbarry · 07/06/2023 16:13

It's your birthday, it's your cake. It's your choice.

SeeingSpots · 07/06/2023 16:13

Unless it's a tiny cake then of course you cut it and share it round otherwise it's likely much of the cake will go to waste.

JauntyJinty · 07/06/2023 16:13

I'd offer it round

Gershwining · 07/06/2023 16:14

I think you serve the cake there and then, unless you already have a cake to offer them. If that was the case, I'd offer them both, or save one for any other people you might have coming over.

StopFeckingFaffing · 07/06/2023 16:15

Normal to offer people a slice I would say unless visitors have already been provided with refreshments in which case I don't think it would be unreasonable for the person who's birthday it is to put the cake aside to enjoy later on

SeaToSki · 07/06/2023 16:17

If i am taking someone a birthday cake, we usually light a candle and sing happy birthday. Then the cake usually gets cut and anyone who wants one gets a slice. The only time this wouldnt happen would be if I had taken a cupcake for someone which was clearly a single serving

Sissynova · 07/06/2023 16:19

I think if someone from the group or visitors bakes it then you cut it for everyone.
I wouldn’t necessarily cut a cake someone had already given me if I had a celebration later or something like that.

yellowsmileyface · 07/06/2023 16:20

I think the expectation is to serve it then and there.

Why would you want a whole cake to yourself?

BelleMarionette · 07/06/2023 16:21

Normal to share. Unless it's an incy wincy personal cake.

CC4712 · 07/06/2023 16:23

Unless it was a cupcake, or I have another cake/nibbles etc, I'd have shared it there and then.

Snowtrails · 07/06/2023 16:24

Depends. If you have already got a birthday cake they can't expect their cake to be eaten at the party. Having that expectation would be quite rude.

originalglazedsingle · 07/06/2023 16:24

Share of course.

IFIWASAFISH · 07/06/2023 16:27

As long as it was big enough to share I would share it around.

Favouritefruits · 07/06/2023 16:49

I’d want to save it and have it when I’d want it but I’d do the correct thing and offer slices straight away.

Prettybutdumb · 07/06/2023 16:50

It depends… my sister has these friends (a couple) who keep turning up at her birthday parties with a bottle of something they expect opened and served or a birthday cake that they expect to eat. Which is more than fair, but it’s cheeky to turn up with a ‘gift’ and also expect to consume it. It doesn’t bother my sister, but I find it cheeky. 🙂

TenoringBehind · 07/06/2023 17:21

Share it with everyone there and keep any leftovers.

CoinsinaJar · 07/06/2023 17:28

That is definitely a cut it and share it situation. Give everyone a piece and keep and remaining cake - if there is any - for yourself after everyone has left.

Wife2b · 07/06/2023 17:33

Cut and share 100%

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/06/2023 17:37

Definitely cut and share. Unless, as others have said, it’s very tiny or a cupcake.

It’s reasonable to keep some back for after everyone has left though

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/06/2023 17:39

Prettybutdumb · 07/06/2023 16:50

It depends… my sister has these friends (a couple) who keep turning up at her birthday parties with a bottle of something they expect opened and served or a birthday cake that they expect to eat. Which is more than fair, but it’s cheeky to turn up with a ‘gift’ and also expect to consume it. It doesn’t bother my sister, but I find it cheeky. 🙂

Yeah I think if youre particularly expectant of a bottle being drunk at the time you bring a separate present and make the distinction clear - “this bottle is for us all to share and this one is a present”. The present should of course be as nice or nicer than the sharing bottle.

Original poster
TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 18:42

Interesting responses thank you. The situation that inspired me to write this was we popped over to MILs house to wish her a happy birthday yesterday afternoon. I baked her a cake and handed it over as we walked in and said happy birthday. We had a cup of tea then left a couple of hours later. Didn’t know if I was being unreasonable to expect her to serve the cake. She told DH today that she enjoyed a slice and had frozen the rest. But I suppose she thought it was a gift rather than to share.

OP posts:
Clymene · 07/06/2023 18:46

TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 18:42

Interesting responses thank you. The situation that inspired me to write this was we popped over to MILs house to wish her a happy birthday yesterday afternoon. I baked her a cake and handed it over as we walked in and said happy birthday. We had a cup of tea then left a couple of hours later. Didn’t know if I was being unreasonable to expect her to serve the cake. She told DH today that she enjoyed a slice and had frozen the rest. But I suppose she thought it was a gift rather than to share.

She had one slice and froze it? WTF?

No that's really weird

Clymene · 07/06/2023 18:48

Also the whole point of a birthday cake is that you eat it with other people to celebrate your birthday. Eating it on your own later is really sad and not in the birthday spirit

Createausername1970 · 07/06/2023 18:48

I would share, but ensure there was some left for me and DH and DS to have together later (and maybe a slice for me for breakfast too).