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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday cake etiquette

52 replies

TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 16:11

If a few people have come to visit you on your birthday and someone has baked you a cake and gives it to you, what is the etiquette?

YABU it’s yours to eat once everyone has gone home
YANBU you ask if anyone would like a piece and cut it immediately

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 07/06/2023 18:48

Get some frozen eclairs for her next time.

avocadotofu · 07/06/2023 18:50

I'd definitely offer everyone a piece. I think it's a little weird not to.

ThatFraggle · 07/06/2023 18:51

Selfish as fuck not to share. Froze it. Wow. Then these people wonder why others don't enjoy socializing with them. Pettiness and meanness are really unattractive qualities.

SeeingSpots · 07/06/2023 18:52

Clymene · 07/06/2023 18:48

Also the whole point of a birthday cake is that you eat it with other people to celebrate your birthday. Eating it on your own later is really sad and not in the birthday spirit

Agreed. I mean realistically she would still have had a decent amount of cake left even if she had shared it. It's nice that she's frozen it with the intention of making sure it's not wasted, although that's not to say it won't sit forgotten about in the freezer, but it would have been much nicer to have shared it with family who had come to celebrate your birthday with you.

Original poster
TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 18:53

It was the fact she froze it that baffled me, she lives on her own and doesn’t have people over much so I wondered what she was going to do with a whole cake to herself!

OP posts:
Original poster
TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 18:55

I don’t think she meant it in a mean way I think she just isn’t used to having people over.

OP posts:
ThatFraggle · 07/06/2023 18:59

I hope she enjoys her oniony, soggy, partly-frozen cake.

Next time, with the batter, make cupcakes. Take one with you with a candle in. Keep the rest at home for your family.

Topseyt123 · 07/06/2023 19:02

Cut it and share it at the time. Surely that is the whole point of birthday cakes!

I think what your MIL did was selfish. Is she planning on sharing it with you next time you go over?

Wherewithout · 07/06/2023 19:13

What a strange thing to do! Did she offer you anything with your cup of tea? The only reason I can think for doing this would be if she already had a cake that she was planning to offer you and didn’t want that to go to waste so offered that and saved yours for later?

cushioncovers · 07/06/2023 19:15

You offer your guests a slice of cake

BadNomad · 07/06/2023 19:19

Did you light it and sing happy birthday? If not, then she probably just thought it was a cake for her.

Anissue · 07/06/2023 19:21

You offer/serve

starfishmummy · 07/06/2023 19:27

We had the dilemma the other way round when MIL turned up at DS's family birthday tea with a cake complete with candles on it ready to go. She hadn't arranged this and we had a cartoon character cake that DS had asked for and would have been disappointed not to have. In the end we served them both, but ours first!!

Original poster
TeamSleep · 07/06/2023 19:29

BadNomad · 07/06/2023 19:19

Did you light it and sing happy birthday? If not, then she probably just thought it was a cake for her.

No I just gave it to her as we walked in, I think I said something like ‘we made you a birthday cake’ but she obviously thought it was a present, although we had other presents for her. We weren’t offered any kind of refreshment, my DH made us all tea when we got there. Probably he should have served the cake too in hindsight!

OP posts:
Snowtrails · 07/06/2023 19:36

Topseyt123 · 07/06/2023 19:02

Cut it and share it at the time. Surely that is the whole point of birthday cakes!

I think what your MIL did was selfish. Is she planning on sharing it with you next time you go over?

Not if the birthday girl had already bought/made a cake! It's a bit rude to bring a birthday cake to someone else's party without having pre-arranged. They might already have gone through a lot of trouble and expense to buy/make one

SeeingSpots · 07/06/2023 19:40

Snowtrails · 07/06/2023 19:36

Not if the birthday girl had already bought/made a cake! It's a bit rude to bring a birthday cake to someone else's party without having pre-arranged. They might already have gone through a lot of trouble and expense to buy/make one

Show quote history

The MIL didn't serve any cake or refreshments from the Ops update.

ThatFraggle · 07/06/2023 19:41

Snowtrails · 07/06/2023 19:36

Not if the birthday girl had already bought/made a cake! It's a bit rude to bring a birthday cake to someone else's party without having pre-arranged. They might already have gone through a lot of trouble and expense to buy/make one

Show quote history

It wasn't a birthday party. An adult child visiting with their spouse. There were zero refreshments. No one else there. That's not a party.

Simplelobsterhat · 07/06/2023 19:46

I'm thinking now if your husband made the tra that would usually be the time to serve the cake, so perhaps the fact that he didn't serve it then while he was in the kitchen made her think you didn't want any.

Simplelobsterhat · 07/06/2023 19:46
  • tea not tra!
EvilElsa · 07/06/2023 19:50

I'd always offer everyone a slice and would think it really rude to do otherwise. Surely that's the point of a birthday cake anyway? You celebrate with your guests? Then you keep the leftovers to enjoy later obviously.

MyEyesAreBleeding · 07/06/2023 19:57

My late MIL loved my sticky ginger cake worry lime buttercream, and I would send down a cake every time my husband went to visit her. I only recently found out she never shared it and kept it all for herself 😂.

It's slightly unusual but no big deal in the grand scheme of things. She obviously like cake.

grass321 · 07/06/2023 20:00

Definitely offer it round.

They said, my mother freezes all sorts, including cake, cheese, milk, sandwiches, you name it. It's a strange habit, she's constantly badgering me to put fresh things in the freezer that I was planning to happily finish.

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 07/06/2023 20:03

Snowtrails · 07/06/2023 16:24

Depends. If you have already got a birthday cake they can't expect their cake to be eaten at the party. Having that expectation would be quite rude.

This

Wexone · 07/06/2023 20:34

Defo would have cut it up and served it with tea and coffee. I probably would have kept an extra slice or two for myslef later in the eve or the next day. especially if it was a lemon butter cream sponge 😍 cake doesn't last really and would hate to throw it out. freezing it is a bit weird

Smineusername · 07/06/2023 20:48

What kind of cake was it?