AIBU to this Mumsnet is pretty brutal…

[Newtothis12345]

Just reading through some of the threads- Mumsnet is pretty bloody brutal- should there not be a warning to people feeling low/insecure/sad to be careful! Sort of light hearted but I’m amazed how quickly seemingly bland threads can descend into cat fights, must leave the original poster feeling horrible seeing all the nasty things people can write about them. Posters often fixate on one tiny piece of information in the original post and tear the person to threads. Be nice!

I agree with you - be nice, be kind, be helpful

Some people deviate so much from the original thread - and pick fights with other posters

Lets start a new trend ……. Positive, supportive, balanced, calm and kind!

Good luck OP

It depends where people post. AIBU is the worst for it but then you are asking for people's judgement! One warning, people don't react to 'be kind' stuff particularly well so you are asking for trouble with your final sentence.

If you post in chat or one of the boards it's not as bad, although you do get some posters that see something in active threads and assume it is AIBU

I think people feel they have the ability to be as nice or nasty as they want as it’s all anonymous. Some of it is really extreme and I think some people must be bored with nothing else better to do. Also plenty of nice folk though

Hear hear OP. I can't understand why people why people sit on their phones of an evening and type vitriolic messages to strangers.

Having said that, many of the boards away from AIBU are really friendly and supportive. But I guess they don't get the traffic AIBU does.

I'm not at all a fan of Be Kind but I do think a bit of basic decency goes a very long way and many posters would do well to remember that.

You’re right and it’s dangerous as people often post when they’re in need of help and could do without getting a roasting from people hiding behind their phones- they’re probably the most cowardly in real life too! I also agree about people being bored and hoping online to pick a fight!!

Some threads it's like there's a gigantic pile on where several people all feel the need to say exactly the same forceful, unkind crap to the op. Real playground stuff.

On other threads, someone says something unkind or ridiculous. Another poster gets annoyed, and uses hyperbole to counteract that. Someone else only reads that and sees red, then responds with their own hyperbole and it snowballs from there...

I also think some post from an emotional standpoint, but lots are reluctant to give a bit of leeway and think about why a person is saying something, and try more to pick it to pieces.

Sometimes it's spite, sometimes it come from a misguided sense of what's right.

Can be brutal.

Some days are worse than others. Today MN feels like particularly hard work

Mumsnet can be harsh, but pick your fights.

Rather here than the toxic politics that is of resetera.com where everyone is condemned for being a Harry Potter fan.

I just don't understand why people post if they don't want every type of opinion. It's the internet and it's anonymous.

I don't agree with 'be nice' at all. If you only want nice, just don't post as with society, some people are nice, some aren't, some are honest and blunt. Sometimes people need to hear it.

It's what I like about Mumsnet, it's brutal honesty. Makes me think.

I don't think we're used to it as a society any more. Everyone is so scared of alternative views and being offended / offending anyone.

Sometimes in life everyone is so bloody diplomatic, Mumsnet makes a nice change.

I googled something the other day and an old post from mumsnet came up. From around 15 years ago… the tone of it all was just so different. The posters just seemed, I dunno… nice.
It seemed a very stark contrast to what it is now.

YANBU. There’s a huge difference between robust but respectful discussion/debate (which might still offend some) and people just being nasty because they can. You see lots of unnecessary ad hominem comments/insults that 99% of those posters wouldn’t dare say to someone’s face - it’s total cowardice.

I kind of see what you mean but I think it’s not all like that. To be honest without the support of mumsnetters I would be in a whole different mind-set right now. I have had so much support and kindness from this site. I’ve been in a really bad place and quite honestly was feeling suicidal but the fact that strangers went out of their way to post positive messages to me was really something amazing.

A critical, but polite and reasoned post is fine.

What I often see is a poster taking one tiny bit of the original post, taking it out of context and making huge assumptions about how that must mean ‘the person is rubbish at their job…is precious over their child and must have no friends because they’re so weird’. (Just an example!)

I've been on here for nearly 20 years, it can be nice it can be nasty. Sorry but you can't tell people to 'be nice' that's not how it works. I very rarely start a thread, probably only single figures in that 20 years, but if you do you have to be prepared for literally ANY type of answer otherwise just don't put yourself out there.

So pleased to read this, I’m glad you’ve found them helpful.

I think maybe posters are kinder to people who are genuinely feeling very down, but quick to pile on anyone who has ‘first world problems’!!

People need to understand the internet better.

You have no idea who anyone is. We teach our children this yet so many adults forget and take comments so personally.

If you are going to post you really need to make sure you are robust enough.

If you are finding it upsetting you should hide the thread and ignore it. Take responsibility for your own actions and you are less likely to be distressed by them.

Yes it’s harsh. It’s very ‘benefit bashing’ and very much a race to the bottom ie I have to work 70 hours a week, bring up 5 children and live on beans and rice and so should everyone else.

Very much what the government wants….everyone bickering amongst themselves while they and their cronies get away with all manner of things.

Very much what the government wants….everyone bickering amongst themselves while they and their cronies get away with all manner of things.

100% this, depressingly.

My advice is to say what you want to say and never look at any replies. And never start a thread….just do a search - they’ve mostly been done before.

Don't visit AIBU. The site is full of lots of support, advice and kindness but you need to check the sections and go to the appropriate parts of the site

Oh haha I saw that reply but luckily you agree😄

I agree. I’m personally not offended as I’ve got an offline support network I can rely on for real help. I’m just surprised so many people, who seem to have terrible situations, open themselves up to be criticised by internet ransoms who have got nothing better to do!

Too soon, OP - we did this a couple of days ago. Give it a month, at least.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4817411-to-think-aibu-is-50-full-of-opinionated-nasty-people?page=1

It’s definitely an eye opener. I’ve left some posts never to return simply because it was a pile on or people were deliberately misunderstanding what the OP was saying. I’m ok with honesty but taking out your shitty life problems being cunty on MN doesn’t interest me. As for the people who hijack threads to have a never ending argument with one other poster… selfish.