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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to tell friend we don't want to go on holiday with their 3 year old?

76 replies

JoJoReds · 06/06/2023 19:09

I feel really bad but I'm really struggling to like my friends 3 year old. He is really naughty, very boisterous, rude and his parents don't say anything which is the most annoying thing.

I have 2 older kids who he likes playing with, but my 2 don't enjoy it at all. They tolerate him well but would prefer to hang out with friends their own age.

They have asked us to go on holiday with them, and none of us want to go.

What can we say to not hurt my friends feelings?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 06/06/2023 19:10

Sorry, we won't be able to make it this year.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2023 19:10

Just say you can’t make it, you have other plans you’ve budgeted for as a family but you hope they have a good time.

MargotDeWitt · 06/06/2023 19:10

Just say no, you are making your own plans for a holiday.

Findyourneutralspace · 06/06/2023 19:10

Say you can’t get the time off work then or can’t work with the budget, or you can only do one holiday this year which you have already planned.

Whataretheodds · 06/06/2023 19:11

Just say your kids are keen to go somewhere where they can make friends of their age so you're considering x y z

Aprilx · 06/06/2023 19:11

You say you have other plans. There is no reason at all why you need to hurt your friends feelings.

Blueskysunflower · 06/06/2023 19:12

Sorry we already have other plans/we prefer to holiday just the four of us/we’re already holidaying with x so our next trip we want to just be our family….

nighthawk99 · 06/06/2023 19:12

Of course you dont mention the 3 yo . Jeez!
You just say you alraedy have plans.

Carryonkeepinggoing · 06/06/2023 19:12

Tell them it doesn’t suit this year because you are/might be meeting up with family.
Don’t burn your bridges because the 3yr old will likely mellow and be less crazy in a year or two.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 06/06/2023 19:13

If they push for an explanation just say you have plans for dc age appropriate activities and sadly their dc will be too young...

BellaJuno · 06/06/2023 19:13

We were asked to go on holiday with a family member who had small children and just told them the truth - we had got past the stage of holidaying with young children and preferred the freedom of holidaying with our older children. Hasn’t caused any apparent issues, we still spend time with them but we’ve just got to the stage where I don’t want to have the restrictions that younger children come with.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 06/06/2023 19:13

Loads of good excuses here! No need to mention the awfulness of their child at all which is probably a good thing for the continuation of the friendship 😉

Fandabedodgy · 06/06/2023 19:13

nighthawk99 · 06/06/2023 19:12

Of course you dont mention the 3 yo . Jeez!
You just say you alraedy have plans.

This.

There is no reason at all to mention their child.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 06/06/2023 19:13

Hard one. I guess you were planning on going away anyway? Can you just say you've already booked? Or you can't make it when they want to go? I think it's very important to spend your vacation time where and with whom you want. Once a year holidays cost a lot of money, annual leave, organising etc - spend them with whoever you would enjoy spending that time with and don't ruin DCs' holiday just to be polite..

SwedishEdith · 06/06/2023 19:15

Do you normally go on holiday with them? If not just say you're not sure it would work with the kids being different ages.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 06/06/2023 19:15

Fortunately, there are a million excuses that you can use to get out of the invitation.

Just because they have asked, you aren't obligated to go with them.

What was your initial reaction when they asked?

Just say you've had a think and it's not possible. Money, annual leave, kids clubs etc.

2bazookas · 06/06/2023 19:15

"Sorry, no thanks. Maybe in a few years time when Edwin is a little older? "

waterrat · 06/06/2023 19:20

You really don't need to 'enlighten' them about their 3 year old - just say you are busy or if you really really have to you could say your kids want to focus on stuff for older children.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/06/2023 19:22

Lovely idea but it seems that we hardly get any time as a 4 any more so we're just going as a family this year. Lets get some lunches / day trips / girls nights out planned though

NoSquirrels · 06/06/2023 19:29

Wouldn’t you just say something like, Oh, that’s a nice idea but we’ve already got holiday plans this year and to be honest I find holidays work best when it’s just us lot.

Then offer a weekend away somewhere your kids would like, if you want to soften the blow.

Jericha · 06/06/2023 19:34

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/06/2023 19:22

Lovely idea but it seems that we hardly get any time as a 4 any more so we're just going as a family this year. Lets get some lunches / day trips / girls nights out planned though

This is pretty much what we said to dear friends after a holiday with them.

Original poster
JoJoReds · 06/06/2023 19:37

Thank you..Will use the busy excuse as we do have a family holiday booked anyway. Easier that way, and will try to stick to adult only nights out

OP posts:
Grumpy67i8 · 06/06/2023 19:41

Lovely idea but it seems that we hardly get any time as a 4 any more so we're just going as a family this year. Lets get some lunches / day trips / girls nights out planned though

This. You do not even hint about the poor 3 year old, won't go down well at all regardless of what you say.

Original poster
JoJoReds · 06/06/2023 19:42

SwedishEdith · 06/06/2023 19:15

Do you normally go on holiday with them? If not just say you're not sure it would work with the kids being different ages.

Yes we went away for a weekend last year and it was awful, so many tantrums, running off while they just let him. His behaviour was really noticeable with other friends too.
We aren't used to it anymore, and it's so much easier now our kids are older

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 06/06/2023 19:42

I would avoid telling them you're looking at somewhere different for your kids. They may just say "ok tell us where and we'll book that too"

A simple "maybe next year, we are sorted for holidays this year" .
And if you do go on holiday later in the year and they ask , you just say a great offer came up or we changed our minds.. 🤷‍♀️