How to tell friend we don't want to go on holiday with their 3 year old?

[JoJoReds]

I feel really bad but I'm really struggling to like my friends 3 year old. He is really naughty, very boisterous, rude and his parents don't say anything which is the most annoying thing.

I have 2 older kids who he likes playing with, but my 2 don't enjoy it at all. They tolerate him well but would prefer to hang out with friends their own age.

They have asked us to go on holiday with them, and none of us want to go.

What can we say to not hurt my friends feelings?

Get over yourself. It’s totally acceptable to not like children who have no boundaries

I definitely wouldn't make excuses, because if they keep asking, you have to keep coming up with excuses! I think saying that your holiday plans are based around your kids, and a 3 year old wouldn't fit in, would be easiest. Then if they try to suggest 'yes, but', just say no, and repeat till they get it.

3 year olds are much the same as 43 year olds in that some are great, most are fine, and others are annoying as hell.

Just make an excuse, no need to say it's because of their unruly 3 year old.

We've been asked to go away with friends a few times but don't want to. They're nice enough people but have very different ideas of what to do on a holiday. Plus her children talk to her like shite and I can't bear it for an afternoon, let alone a week or so.

Don't burn your bridges and say it's because of the 3 year old!

Chances are they'll grow out of it and become absolutely delightful. DFs oldest DD was an absolute nightmare until she was about 8 - she's now 12 and lovely to be around.

We like our holidays to be family time.

This depends on what/when they suggest. The 3 year old might improve once started at school. Then you might feel differently another year.

if you feel like never say never then "While the kids are so young, a few years difference in age makes such a huge difference in maturity I don't think it will work for a while. When Xxxx is a few years older and has calmed down a bit, let's think about it then"

If you are more like never in a million years then "It's a lovely idea but an extended holiday wouldn't work for us - we love these visits we have with each other but we need down-time too and wouldn't be up for spending a whole week like that, it wouldn't be the right kind of holiday for us."

Please don't say things like "I can't afford it" or "We have other plans" if what you mean is "no I don't want to" - some little white lies are helpful but if you don't say no when you mean no, well-meaning people who think you are implying you would like to say yes will keep trying to find a way to make the thing happen.

Never admit to not liking someones child if you value their friendship.

Honesty out wins everything in my opinion if your not honest it will come out be it maybe one of your kids mentions it one day - kids have a habit of that … no we weren’t busy we just said that so you didn’t come

I would say thank you for the kind offer but my kids are older now and would prefer a holiday with kids their own age not younger. They struggle with your son sometimes it might be an age thing they don’t understand what it’s like to be his age they forget they were that age once but they find it a bit young and annoying probably due to age gap but do you mind if we pass although a child free holiday if that’s possible at some point would be amazing I know I could certainly do with some time away from the kids and your a great friends x

I love my 3 year old to bits but I would totally understand my friends not wanting to holiday with us, he is a handful. Hard to judge how your fiends would react. I would probably say you have other plans.

God totally disagree honesty is NOT the best policy! “We are going as a family this year” suffices. They don’t need to know your views on their child.

Shouldn’t be a surprise to them no one sane would voluntarily choose to holiday with someone else’s 3 year old without a gun to the head.

terrible advice.

I would keep it very simple and as truthful as possible. Excuses invite suggestions of workarounds, or worse, can be unpicked later.

I’d say you've decided you need a holiday with just the four of you. It’s inoffensive and essentially true - you simply don’t add the bit about not wanting a holiday with them specifically!

“We can’t afford it” invites suggestions of cheaper accommodation, a shorter duration, going self-catering so you can cook some nights etc. It also means that, if you fancy another holiday later in the year, your friend starts wondering how come you can afford that but not the trip with her family. The same applies for pretending you have no annual leave left. If you invent a trip with your in-laws, your friend will wonder why it hasn’t happened - or worse, say “As you’re not going away with Bob’s parents now, shall we try to find a cheap deal for half term?”

“We want it to be just family this time” is truthful without being hurtful.

It’s not horrible your just saying kids are different ages so could you do it adults only as the kids would find each other hard work it’s honest and true and non offensive

Why say anything additional though? You can easily just say you want to go away as a family then it’s nothing personal to them you don’t need the extra waffle adding further justifications which may unnecessarily hurt their feelings.

We’ve said this before - it’s true. We wouldn’t go on our main summer hol with anyone else so it genuinely isn’t personal to decline.

We’re your kids every like that at the three year old stage? Did your ‘friends’ run away from you too!?

Sorry can't commit to any dates at moment, so many things we haven't marked on calendar.

Terrible advice to start saying you don't want to go because your dc can't cope with the friend's dc

Why would you tell someone you are friends with you don't like their child ?

Very odd.

You can (much more diplomatically) say 'you prefer to holiday just as a family' which isn't a lie, and is the complete truth (in that you prefer to be on your own than with this little one), but isn't upsetting to the friend.

They maybe know DC3 is a right little xxxx, but perhaps were hoping you'd help them out on a holiday with your lovely kids setting a better example. Or maybe they hoped you'd share baby sitting to give them a break.
Neither are valid reasons to go if you don't want to holiday with them but perhaps you could offer to babysit or something ( hopefully when their LO is asleep)..

This is why I think I’d go for something to the effect of “We were discussing that we really need some quality family time together so are looking forward to our holiday.” No grey area that way where they can go “Ooh, sounds fab - we’ll book the same time!”

This is what my uncle (and his wife and pretty annoying kids, bless them) used to do to my folks who by this point had adult children and just wanted a chilled holiday together without any tantrums, having having their fair share of those in kids’ resorts over the years. My parents would even stay in an adult only resort but my uncle would plan dinners for them most evenings so they had the tantrums at dinner/in the evening instead. 🙈

I think this reply is good. It says a lot of things at the same time. They are probably hoping your children will save them from keeping their kid occupied.

Why on earth would you want to tell them you "don't want to go on holiday with their 3 year old?"?

I think this is good.

I'm amazed though that as friends who meet regularly, no-one has suggested they get a grip on this behaviour. Good friendships are about honesty, and there are at least 2 people in our group who run the 'Get Your Shit Together Committee'.

We trust them to call us out when necessary and it's always done in love. Fixes things before we get to this stage.