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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to tell friend we don't want to go on holiday with their 3 year old?

76 replies

JoJoReds · 06/06/2023 19:09

I feel really bad but I'm really struggling to like my friends 3 year old. He is really naughty, very boisterous, rude and his parents don't say anything which is the most annoying thing.

I have 2 older kids who he likes playing with, but my 2 don't enjoy it at all. They tolerate him well but would prefer to hang out with friends their own age.

They have asked us to go on holiday with them, and none of us want to go.

What can we say to not hurt my friends feelings?

OP posts:
RidingMyBike · 06/06/2023 19:56

Say you've already got plans but avoid going into detail like exactly where and when! I had someone like this then launch into planning a break at the same place!

DarkDarkNight · 06/06/2023 20:07

Just say you’re really looking forward to spending some quality time with just the family, or now your children are older you’re booking somewhere more suitable for them.

NutellaNut · 06/06/2023 20:18

“Just say you’re really looking forward to spending some quality time with just the family, or now your children are older you’re booking somewhere more suitable for them.”

This ^^

pimplesquisher · 06/06/2023 20:35

Just say no thank you.

Goldbar · 06/06/2023 20:36

The only things I definitely wouldn't say (but would love to 😂) are "Sorry, not unless you rehome the kid" or "Could Junior be left with grandparents, maybe?" I agree there's no need to mention him at all.

pictoosh · 06/06/2023 20:40

Just say you thought about it but with one holiday already in the pipeline, you can't afford a second one.

bussteward · 06/06/2023 20:47

Say, “With Jeremiah? Oh fucking Christ, no.” Wait a beat, then: “Kidding! But we can’t anyway.”

Letsdance8188 · 06/06/2023 21:06

I have a similar situation with a friend and her child but it's not holidays, it's hanging out in general. I say no to seeing them until I know her child is at their dad's and then I'll say yes. I wouldn't dare mention its because of her demon child. Just say no to the holiday.

Twiglets1 · 06/06/2023 21:20

Say you can't afford it this year as paid a lot for the family holiday

flimsywhimsy · 06/06/2023 21:28

Shared holidays are tricky even when everyone gets along well and enjoys the company. YANBU to avoid ruining your own holiday (and your kids' holiday) to placate a friend. A vague excuse is sufficient.

VestaTilley · 06/06/2023 21:32

Just say no. Say you can’t afford another holiday and you’ve already got something booked for this year and next.

Don’t cave to pressure- it’ll destroy your friendship.

Farmerking · 06/06/2023 21:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheseThree · 06/06/2023 21:43

Aprilx · 06/06/2023 19:11

You say you have other plans. There is no reason at all why you need to hurt your friends feelings.

This. You don’t need an extensive reason. You have plans - even if they are to stay home and do your normal routine. Or just say no, but thanks for the invite. There’s no need to make it complicated.

user1492757084 · 06/06/2023 23:12

All booked up this year, sorry.
You also might want to suggest that they hunt for a holiday that offers a childcare/activity option for their child for part of the day so that they can have some adult relaxation, given that your kids won't be there to entertain the 3 year old.
Their child will grow up - offering hope for joint holidays in a few years.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/06/2023 23:15

Yes just say you already have plans for your summer holiday for this year, or that you want to and therefore plan to take your holiday just as a family unit.

They can’t make you go!

Just stick to your guns “no that doesn’t work for us”/ “we want to be just us on holiday” and keep repeating. That wouldn’t hurt the feelings of anyone normal!

Ill bet they want to go on holiday with you - free child care for their unruly child from your two!

Bunbuns3 · 06/06/2023 23:19

It is fine not to want to go on holiday.
Not so fine to dislike a 3 year old. You sound utterly nasty.

RobertaFirmino · 06/06/2023 23:38

Bunbuns3 · 06/06/2023 23:19

It is fine not to want to go on holiday.
Not so fine to dislike a 3 year old. You sound utterly nasty.

Oh don't be so ridiculous! It is perfectly fine not to like this child's behaviour and OP has been very polite about him. It's not as if she's called him a feral little shit now, is it?

UsingChangeofName · 06/06/2023 23:39

There are so many ways you can say 'no' without making it specifically about their dc:

We've already booked our holiday
We prefer to holiday just as a family
I don't think it would work well with the dc at different stages
Can't afford to do another holiday
Haven't got enough leave to book something else
We've already got plans
or just
No thanks

pictoosh · 07/06/2023 06:09

"You sound utterly nasty."

No she bloody doesn't. When parents allow their little one to rule the roost and annoy the everliving fuck out of everyone unchallenged, it becomes a struggle to enjoy being with them. But you know that. YOU wanted to be nasty.

Crazycrazylady · 07/06/2023 09:22

Honestly I'd tell your friend that you are sorry but you now that you are over the toddler years yourself you have zero interest in holidaying with someone else's toddler!
Honestly surely she will get that as toddlers are the spawn of Satan?

Mrsjayy · 07/06/2023 09:24

JoJoReds · 06/06/2023 19:09

I feel really bad but I'm really struggling to like my friends 3 year old. He is really naughty, very boisterous, rude and his parents don't say anything which is the most annoying thing.

I have 2 older kids who he likes playing with, but my 2 don't enjoy it at all. They tolerate him well but would prefer to hang out with friends their own age.

They have asked us to go on holiday with them, and none of us want to go.

What can we say to not hurt my friends feelings?

Oh maybe another year we have plans this year OR maybe we could do a weekend.

SunnyEgg · 07/06/2023 09:27

pictoosh · 07/06/2023 06:09

"You sound utterly nasty."

No she bloody doesn't. When parents allow their little one to rule the roost and annoy the everliving fuck out of everyone unchallenged, it becomes a struggle to enjoy being with them. But you know that. YOU wanted to be nasty.

I don’t think it’s nasty either. When you move past that stage a holiday is easier

5128gap · 07/06/2023 09:38

The trouble with excuses is they just kick the can down the road, as the person usually comes up with alternative suggestions and you end up constantly trying to dodge them.
If they're a good friend, I'd go for something closer to the truth.
We'd really like a holiday with you and Nigel, but I'm not sure it works out well with the DC. The age gap makes it difficult to keep them all happy. I enjoy seeing you more when we're all child free and don't have the stress of DC to worry about.

Sarfar45 · 07/06/2023 09:43

Just say thanks but you've already made plans. No need to mention the three year old.

RoseDeWittBukatter · 07/06/2023 09:46

You can't afford it.
You've already made plans.
You might be going away with your in-laws.
You are saving for a big holiday next year.

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