To ask if you’ve also lost your lust for life and how to either get it back or just accept it…?

[Seekingadvice1980]

I cannot figure out what’s happened to me lately and I think I’m looking for people who’ve had similar experiences and how they have dealt with it.

I’m 45, single (very much by choice) and live in a nice house in a nice town. I don’t think I’m menopausal yet as that’s probably relevant. I live a comfortable life with good friends and I mostly enjoy my very sociable job in a hospital.

It’s difficult to put my finger on it exactly but over the last few years I seem to have lost a certain ‘joie de vivre’ about - well most things really. I’m not especially unhappy or depressed, (I know what both of these states feel like) I just feel utterly indifferent/apethetic about nearly everything and I don’t know why. Or even if it’s a problem. I didn’t use to feel like this at all, I used to get excited about things, thoroughly enjoy things, look forward to things, see value in doing things….. and now, I barely truly ‘enjoy’ anything that much. I don’t even cry anymore or feel miserable as that would be too extreme of a feeling. I feel so in the middle. Is this what ‘contentment’ feels like? Maybe I’m just ‘content’?

I spend my days off work sitting down as much as possible and doing as little as possible. I get everything done, I’m even glad of housework as it’s functional and gives me a bit of purpose in the moment… I go and meet friends and do the usual ‘life stuff’ but I don’t particularly enjoy it and I often feel myself craving just to be on my own doing nothing.
I have a few hobbies like going to choir and some other social groups which I ‘quite’ like, but even those things which I ‘like’ doing the most, I get home and feel a bit ‘meh’ about what’s just happened. My friends would be astonished that I feel like this as I’m outwardly quite sociable and people find me funny and good company. (I get told this a fair bit)

I’m trying to think of things that have recently brought me true genuine joy. - When my cat gives me a really good cuddle. When we sang our choir concert at Easter. When I have a really deep, rich connecting conversation with a friend. When utterly bonkers and weird things happen at work and I feel ‘in the moment’ and ‘alive’.

My questions are: is this just what ‘happens’ to you as you reach mid-life? Should I just accept its my default state now?
Or does it get better at some point naturally and I’m just in some sort of a temporary funk? Should I take more vitamins or something? Antidepressants? Even though I’m not ‘depressed’? I worry they would numb me out further.
Should I do anything to make it better? Could I? I don’t know what else I can do really as I am social, eat well, don’t drink, don’t smoke, have a decent job, live in a nice house in a nice town….Most of the things people normally ‘recommend’ having to improve life…
I’ve had therapy. I don’t like holidays. I have hobbies.

This isn’t even a ‘moany’ post, it’s a ‘anyone else like this?’ Post.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Blah-Anhedonia-Joyless-Recapture/dp/180129237X/ref=asc_df_180129237X/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=641522016649&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=21477389601660548&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045989&hvtargid=pla-1966735261090&psc=1&th=1&psc=1 Audible keeps recommending this to me- might be interesting.

I feel exactly the same & add in brain fog too. I’m the same age as you & diagnosed as perimenopausal so it might be that.

I feel the same. It's like nothing excites me anymore and I can't be arsed with anything. A what's the point feeling. Sorry not much help but you're not alone. I'm 41.

Exact same here, but 42. I used to love reading and music but gone from it all now. It's quite depressing.

This seems to be an epidemic at the moment. I am on at least three threads at the moment with loads of women saying the same.
I think for me it is perimenopause. It is less bad but still there now I am on HRT. I’m 48. Feel meh most of the time.

I wondered about this. But i have a woeful diet so if it is perimenopause it's possibly not natural. Either way, safe to say i feel rubbish!

Sounds exactly like perimenopause to me. That’s how it started for me at around the same age. Anhedonia - loss of joy - is one of the most common symptoms of the perimenopause and is caused by decreasing oestrogen.

My periods were still regular, I had no physical symptoms (hot flushes etc) which is why it took me two increasingly unhappy years to work out what was wrong. HRT has given me back my enjoyment of life.

yes I totally get this! apparently some gynaecologists say any woman over 40 is perimenopausal and this is a very common feeling. I would talk to a GP early about that just to make sure your bones are protected if you are lacking in oestrogen

I was going to start a post like this. I’m 45 and I also have started just to want to do nothing. I used to feel anticipation and ‘magic’ at life, now I just feel….nothing….not unhappy, not happy. I still go out and see friends and enjoy myself but I’d probably rather be home doing nothing…..this is the complete opposite of me 5 years ago.

You may well be peri menopausal but I do think you can still improve your mood if you decide to. Alongside any medical intervention you may choose.

Staying indoors is definitely not good for your mood- get outside and preferably in the morning for a serotonin boost. Try new things or visit new places. Learn a new skill.

Also look at your diet and consider how much UPF you are eating.

We got a dog when I was a similar age. Best thing ever for us. I’ve also made a point of learning new skills and exercising. Mostly interacting with people on a meaningful level.

I don’t think you should accept this as the New You just because of your age. Obviously chat with your GP to ensure nothing else is going on.

Me to , im 46 can totally cant be arsed. Im learning something new at work and my team mate is 25..... and by god is she making me feel old. Im suffering with major brain fog, resentment that I didnt want to learn something new, she a leap and jump ahead in picking things up quickly.i just want to sit in a corner and have a little weep that im not as with it as I used to be. The world needs to leave me alone 😂😂

I sympathise, OP, but have no advice or guidance to offer. With any luck the feeling of apathy will pass and you will find your joie de vivre again.

I’ve not long turned forty, have a husband and two teenage kids and this definitely resonates with me. Especially the feeling meh and quite happy to just sit at home watching Netflix. In fact I’ve wondered recently if I am in fact depressed and I just don’t realise it as that sociable spark I used to have has all but gone. Even friends I love dearly I can take or leave right now, I just simply can’t really be that arsed.

Testosterone is what gave me back my lustre for life. I suspect it is the very beginnings of the peri @Seekingadvice1980 . It’s amazing how the testosterone (which the nhs now will prescribe) totally changed me. I felt exactly like you. And now I really don’t. And I started the peri at the same age as you are now (mine strangely was confirmed by. Bloods so I might have actually begun somewhat earlier). Def don’t rule out that it’s the peri.

You clearly don’t get it…it’s not a case of pulling up the ol’ bootstraps and going for a brisk walk. It’s a deeply embedded ennui where nothing good, bad or indifferent moves you.

And on what planet can you just ‘chat to your GP’ these days?

I get you op. I just exist. But not miserably. I go through the motions and count my many blessings. But nothing excites or inspires me any more. I’m 52.

This is totally me - I had a run of a few years during which I lost both parents and came to terms with not being a parent myself, which left me feeling not actively suicidal but more, if I wasn't here tomorrow, would it really matter?

HRT and regular exercise have cleared my brain fog but if I'm totally honest with myself, haven't given me as much actual joy back. But then this isn't exactly a golden age of Joy Inspiring Times, what with Covid, Ukraine, Trump and Johnson, etc, etc, etc. The occasional perfect cup of tea and nice sunset ends up doing a lot of heavy lifting.

You need some jeopardy to feel alive.

That's why shoplifting is so popular.

I felt like this for a while (am a bit younger than you but not much) and it was peri-menopause. HRT has made a huge difference to me.

Another one here with brain fog, lethargy and missing my oomph. I am post menopausal and early 50s who has felt like this for an age but last week, I just suited myself and had the best week in years probably. Totally unexpected and it made me so happy! I am determined not to let my joy de Vivre scoot off!

I find myself wondering whether an awareness of how the planet is slowly going to shit is causing this. On some subconscious level. Like a creeping sense of bleakness.

Ha, this made me laugh.
But yes, totally get this. 47.5, so almost certainly perimenopause despite no other symptoms except lack of joy... I do loads of exercise, and I definitely get closer to it when I'm pelting it in spin, or doing yoga in the sun.. also walk the dog in the forest most days, have a business that's doing really well despite all the odds... I lost both parents recently, so that's not helped. Sending love to you Hoffi. It's fucking hard losing them both close together. It's hard to know what is grief, what is hormones, and what is the general dire world outlook, modern post-pandemic life, tech ubiquity etc...

@Seekingadvice1980 Perhaps working towards a goal may make you feel good? I’m very unfit but I am currently midway through the Couch to 5K programme. It makes me feel such a sense of achievement after each run. During my runs, I enjoy people watching, having a nosy at peoples front gardens, noticing nature etc. I’m enjoying having something to work towards and I am looking forward to completing the programme. Your goal doesn’t need to be fitness related of course!

I’m really sorry you are feeling so rubbish but I’m saying what helped me. I DO get it. And I may well be fortunate but yes, I can get a GP appointment if I’m patient.

I guess the reason I posted was to say there are ways through this. Maybe not 100% but certainly some improvements. It doesn’t have to be Oh, so that’s it.

What is your job in the hospital?

Care work or high intensity face to face with are very depleting. My family members suffer what I describe as a numbing of feeling. After many years on the ambulances for example one family member is no longer excited by anything, can't ever get switched on etc. Everything a bit meh. Not depressed but equally not enjoying life. I think it's a danger for those types of jobs.

Either it is a problem and you perhaps combine therapy with a job shift, or it isn't a problem and you carry on with your meh life.

Happiness is a choice.

I could have written this myself. I’m 48 and feel the same. I have chronic (controlled) anxiety and am on Citalopram (have been for years). I believe this type of med can cause this sort of thing too. Also, as others have said, perimenopause doesn’t help and to add in to that, I have CFS and Fibro. I was looking at that Feeling Blah book but I always worry with these things that they’ll advise you to do things I can’t (mainly exercise).

A lot of the things people mention not enjoying, I have the added complication of not knowing whether that’s caused by my physical illnesses or the mental side of things. I too, don’t feel depressed. Certainly not down, just not up!

If anyone can help with where to start for me, and OP doesn’t mind me asking then I’d appreciate comments!