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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you came into some money/won the lottery, would you be a single parent?

79 replies

Howniceforyou · 05/06/2023 21:58

I think I would.

I own my own money, have a degree and a career but it’s unlikely I’d easily survive on my own wage.
Gradually drifted apart from Dh, we get on sometimes, but tend to live sort of together, yet apart. I see friends a fair bit and take Dd, 4 on lots of play dates, we do family bits and are *Ok. I honestly sometimes think it might be easier alone, if you had lots of money and family support (I live away from mine but could move back if had more money)
I have a few wealthy friends who raise their children mainly alone and they’re very happy and have a fantastic bond with their Dds
I don’t know, maybe I’m living in a fantasy thinking that

OP posts:
CoalCraft · 05/06/2023 22:10

Not for any amount of money in the world would I voluntarily become a single parent. I love my DH and we make a great parenting team. We have two young DC (2.5 years and 10 months respectively) and I couldn't give either anything like the attention they enjoy now if I was on my own.

User63847484848 · 05/06/2023 22:11

I’d like to think I would have left “D”H anyway as it was the right thing to do for DCs and me, but in honesty being comfortable financially made it easier and I know lots of people who feel trapped by finances.

OhDeniseReally · 05/06/2023 22:13

I am already a single parent, nó lottery wining or inheritance either 🙄

EasterBreak · 05/06/2023 22:15

Already am and I'm not rich. Cope just fine.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 05/06/2023 22:16

Heck no. My DH is stuck with me for the rest of his life. Grin

Howniceforyou · 05/06/2023 22:17

@OhDeniseReally Yes, I mean I possibly would if I had enough, at the moment I can’t survive so can’t

OP posts:
CamelCaseLetter · 05/06/2023 22:17

OhDeniseReally · 05/06/2023 22:13

I am already a single parent, nó lottery wining or inheritance either 🙄

Same! 🤣

Interesting question though op. My ex was a stoner, cock lodger, and absolutely useless with money so breaking up with him actually improved my financial situation. I wonder if I would have been so quick to chuck him out if it meant me and the dc would be worse off.

coodawoodashooda · 05/06/2023 22:24

Please don't stick with him op. Being a single parent is hard but it is laced with hope.

catscalledbeanz · 05/06/2023 23:02

Brilliant question and one I think will provoke a lot of thought. I know more than one woman for whom the answer would be yes. Finances are undoubtedly a barrier to freedom/ happiness/ outcome.

Personally I would still be married. He makes me better. As I do him (🤮 I know but it is true)

Catsmere · 05/06/2023 23:05

I wouldn’t want to be a parent even if I was a billionaire, regardless of whether I had a partner or not.

Whydoievenbother · 05/06/2023 23:21

I wonder this myself at times, I'm in a similar situation to you. I often think it would actually be easier and better in some ways as I'd be responsible for my own happiness, and in some ways like would actually be simpler.

Miss01 · 05/06/2023 23:24

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Hoppingmad231 · 05/06/2023 23:28

Well unless I bought a husband from somewhere with my winnings then yes I'd be single.

Changechangechanging · 05/06/2023 23:29

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Wow.

Hoppingmad231 · 05/06/2023 23:31

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How do you work that out? Single parents can work you know, how judgmental are you!!!

Toxicityofourcity · 06/06/2023 01:35

@Miss01 What the fuck kind of comment is that? I'm a single parent, I've not won the lottery or had an inheritance... I also don't claim a penny in benefits? Not every fucking single parent is leeching off your taxpayers money you sanctimonious a**hole

Domino20 · 06/06/2023 01:41

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Twattish comment.

suburbophobe · 06/06/2023 01:49

You probably cost tax payers a fortune though.

You're showing your bigotry.

Many people brought up in single-parent households have become very successful in life. And rich! Paying back all those taxes too. Bob Marley and his kids come to mind.

MintJulia · 06/06/2023 02:08

I hadn't won the lottery but I left ex, and have raised ds myself. I made that choice because after 2 years of ex's vile family making my life a misery, ex's controlling ways and his constant undermining to turn me into the 'little woman', I had been prescribed anti-depressants and was sinking fast.

I grabbed what was left of my career, and ds & I left, first to a fairly grotty temporary flat and then into a purchased home, taking on a new mortgage at the age of 47.

That was 12 years ago. Mortgage is nearly paid. We have a secure happy home. I work full time. DS is confident, healthy, secure, doing well. I am far happier and less stressed than most of my coupled-up friends. DS sees his df for 7 hours a week (his choice).

For me, there was no alternative, I was suffocating.

And I am a net contributor @Miss01 Higher rate tax payer. Sorry to disappoint your bigotry. 🙄

GoalShooter · 06/06/2023 02:13

No, I hope we'll always be together.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 06/06/2023 02:22

Toxicityofourcity · 06/06/2023 01:35

@Miss01 What the fuck kind of comment is that? I'm a single parent, I've not won the lottery or had an inheritance... I also don't claim a penny in benefits? Not every fucking single parent is leeching off your taxpayers money you sanctimonious a**hole

Right?! The way my mouth dropped open when I read that message!

TheCatterall · 06/06/2023 07:12

It would have made no difference to me kicking him out. But it would have helped the court case when he went for custody using legal aid as he reckoned he and the OW would be better parents as neither worked and I had a full time job. Cost me thousands and that was many years ago. His own solicitor told mine she reckoned he only did it as he got free legal help. He was awarded set contact though and failed to turn up or was high half the time. He stopped bothering after 3 years and my son just saw him at school with OW picking up her kids instead. Lovely bloke.

As for @Miss01 - presume you are a troll and reported your stereotyping single mother bashing little self. I’ve always worked. I now have my own business. Don’t cost the tax payer anything. And certainly less than my waste of space ex.

Gtsr443 · 06/06/2023 07:17

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Fucking hell. 😡

Drosselmeyer · 06/06/2023 07:17

This is sad, op. Can you start thinking about how you might be able to change things?

To answer the question, no. I could afford to be a single parent now but am happy to be married.

Amispringy · 06/06/2023 07:22

@Miss01 I'm willing to bet my higher rate tax is subsiding you.

FFS

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