Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To want my DH to calm the F down at bedtime

57 replies

DeathInSuburbia · 05/06/2023 20:26

Two boys...3 and 5. Both v hyper. DH and I both work full time

When they get home from school and nursery they're exhausted. Almost asleep at dinner. Watch a cartoon or two. Bath. Bed at 7.

Except DH sees this as a great time for play fighting. Throwing DSs around the room, tickling them, blowing raspberries. I mean they are three kids. The boys love it. But they are also so tired and basically start losing it a bit...throwing stuff, pulling their clothes out the wardrobe. It always end up with someone in tears it seems!

Running joke that I'm trying to calm them all down but tonight I was more serious. It takes both of them an hour to fall asleep once they are in bed because they're so overtired and revved up

DH says I'm being a bit miserable and we only see them an hour a day and play/bonding more important than calm bedtimes. Am I being a miserable cow? I feel like one. The three of them really do crazy though and it can't be good for them to be tossing and turning for an hour before sleep.

Do I spund like a party pooper? I hate the role of having to be serious/boring mum. But bedtimes are doing my head in!

OP posts:

SeaToSki · 05/06/2023 20:28

That would do my head in too. Also its not bonding and fun family time its crazy over tired dc that are being manic.ified by their Dad. Why cant they have family bonding time with stories, sleepy cuddles and relaxing

Flufferblub · 05/06/2023 20:29

Need to set a time for play, and a wind down time. Can he play with them earlier in the day, and have the hour before bed as quiet time? He could bond with them by reading them stories instead

CharlotteStreetW1 · 05/06/2023 20:30

Well if he wants more time with them, he can do bedtime while you get an hour's peace downstairs.

gamerchick · 05/06/2023 20:30

Cool, he does bedtime completely alone until he knocks it off.

NotSoBigCrocodile · 05/06/2023 20:30

No advice, but watching with interest because I’m in a similar situation.

DappledThings · 05/06/2023 20:30

Leave him to it. If he wants to get them all riled up he can deal with it and stay up with them till they chill out again. Only way he'll learn is if he sees the consequences.

Crying1everyday · 05/06/2023 20:32

Well, he is not wrong. Kids do need that bonding, rough housing too. Look up Sara Ockwell smith article about rough housing. And bedtime at 7 is too early, that might be why they are struggling to fall asleep. Let them play rough for a bit then have wind down time all together

ChrissyShenkle · 05/06/2023 20:34

They'll be too old for all that in a blink of an eye but they will always remember the fun they had with their dad
A health visitor once said to me "They will never remember you ironed their pyjamas but they will always remember you played with them"

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 05/06/2023 20:34

Can you go out at this time and leave him to de with it? Eg go for a walk, go to the supermarket, meet a friend for a drink.
If he had to solely deal with the consequences, he may rethink his actions.

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/06/2023 20:34

I think it's fine, and that he can put them to bed too.

Haywirecity · 05/06/2023 20:35

I don't see the problem. You don't see them much during the day. It's lovely that they have that fun time together and great memories. Then he calms them down and puts them to bed. Meanwhile you just let them get on with it and watch telly with your feet up.

Hugasauras · 05/06/2023 20:36

Can't he do it a bit earlier? DH and DD1 love this kind of play but they do it before dinner.

fruitbrewhaha · 05/06/2023 20:36

He is being a dick.
Go out tomorrow evening and leave him to it.
They would probably be less exhausted if they were in bed earlier and it’s so important to get a good night’s sleep for kids and adults. Him dragging out bedtime is cutting into your evening and downtime too.

As said above he can bond with his kids by reading to them. Bonding isn’t reserved for playing like a twit.

NuffSaidSam · 05/06/2023 20:38

I think it sounds like good fun. I'd leave him to do bedtime as he sees fit. You go and do something else.

I would try moving everything forward half an hour though so there's time for a wind down after the rough play.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/06/2023 20:38

He can do the rough housing late in the evening as long as he takes over the putting to bed. If he isn't happy to do that then save it for another time!

WeightInLine · 05/06/2023 20:39

My friend’s DH was like this. It caused chaos because the DS started play fighting/wrestling with the other kids at nursery. None of the children wanted to play and eventually her DS was asked to leave.

Honestly, put a stop to that.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2023 20:41

2 options. He's doing bedtime alone.
Or he cuts it by half, and you go to bed slightly later.

Original poster

DeathInSuburbia · 05/06/2023 20:41

They get back at 5.30/6. Not much time for dinner, bath, books and loads of play. We have always done bedtime as a 4. We play and muck about then he takes one to bed and I take the other to his room. It's just that it's taking me 30 mins to calm the older one down and he's often trashed his room etc. I could leave them to it but boys would think v strange that I was downstairs and not doing bedtime. I just thinks it's unfair to throw them all over the place and then when they got overexcited and throw a beaker of water they get told off. Its like winding up a puppy and being annoyed when they do a wee on the floor!

OP posts:

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 05/06/2023 20:42

Could he get them up energetically in the morning instead? Best not to be too aggressive though as they will model the behaviour at nursery.

bussteward · 05/06/2023 20:43

He stops them sleeping, he puts them to bed. Why can’t he do the playing earlier, instead of the cartoons? Then they have a chance to wind down with bath, stories, etc. But really I would just take myself out of the equation.

Createausername1970 · 05/06/2023 20:46

Can you compromise? This bedtime routine on Fridays and Saturdays and some of the holidays, but calmer bedtimes on school nights or if you are up early for days out in school holidays.

Clymene · 05/06/2023 20:46

Apart from him winding them up, it's crazy to try and fit dinner, reading, bath and play time into an hour or so.

They don't need a bath every day.

TinaYouFatLard · 05/06/2023 20:47

I have a feeling you’ll look back and wonder why you made such a fuss. They won’t want tickles and raspberry blowing for very long in their lives. So your eldest settles at 7:30? Not a big deal IMO when your time is limited each day.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/06/2023 20:48

@Clymene

They don't need a bath every day.

I second this. Mine just gets the remnants of food wiped off him with a flannel 😂

SeeingSpots · 05/06/2023 20:50

It seems so joyless to be getting wound up about him playing with them. Yes they get excited but fuck it they are so small for so little time, you're stressing over bath time everyday, they don't need it and won't remember it. Let them play and push bedtime back a bit.

Flip

1 2 3