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Original poster

To want my DH to calm the F down at bedtime

57 replies

DeathInSuburbia · 05/06/2023 20:26

Two boys...3 and 5. Both v hyper. DH and I both work full time

When they get home from school and nursery they're exhausted. Almost asleep at dinner. Watch a cartoon or two. Bath. Bed at 7.

Except DH sees this as a great time for play fighting. Throwing DSs around the room, tickling them, blowing raspberries. I mean they are three kids. The boys love it. But they are also so tired and basically start losing it a bit...throwing stuff, pulling their clothes out the wardrobe. It always end up with someone in tears it seems!

Running joke that I'm trying to calm them all down but tonight I was more serious. It takes both of them an hour to fall asleep once they are in bed because they're so overtired and revved up

DH says I'm being a bit miserable and we only see them an hour a day and play/bonding more important than calm bedtimes. Am I being a miserable cow? I feel like one. The three of them really do crazy though and it can't be good for them to be tossing and turning for an hour before sleep.

Do I spund like a party pooper? I hate the role of having to be serious/boring mum. But bedtimes are doing my head in!

OP posts:
Selfietaker · 05/06/2023 20:51

Very familiar situation. I would take it in turns. He might change his mind on his nights when he knows you're relaxing with a glass of wine having got them to sleep in record time.

Lemonclub88 · 05/06/2023 20:51

Shift lights out by 30 - 40 mins, leave him to do his play fighting and go somewhere quiet to prepare for battle wind down after work. You might fit a game of cards in too. I know you must be exhausted too so its tempting to get the children in bed early but you might find that little rest gives you 2nd wind too.

You have my sympathies btw. ExH used to do it without fail and I'd be left struggling to get the children to sleep too. He had the cheek to complain that it was 9:30 by the time he left their room when he 1st started having them at his house.

Kitcaterpillar · 05/06/2023 20:51

Except DH sees this as a great time for play fighting.

It kind of is though...

Rollonannualeave · 05/06/2023 20:53

If they end in tears he's taking it too far, imo. I've seen this with other. Dad's. It does seem to be a dad thing.

SuperSonicAyeAye · 05/06/2023 20:54

I cannot abide the room trashing and would have put a stop to this the first time. It drives me mental. Either you take it in turns and do it your own ways or he cuts it out!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/06/2023 20:58

Could you spend that time going for a walk as a family instead? He can run around and play with them at the park instead so nothing is getting trashed, then home for a quick bath, story and bed to sleep and not play. It does sound a bit sad that they don't have time to play with you or DH usually but I get that's just how it is

Hearti · 05/06/2023 20:59

What a nightmare. I’m all up for fun but they are clearly too hyped up too late. Can you split their time in half so you give them a story or whatever for the first half hour and let DH take the second half an hour which ends with putting them to bed

backseatwatching · 05/06/2023 21:01

You're so lucky to have a husband that wants to spend time with his kids .
Alot of mums dont have that i get what your saying but one day they wont want to play with there parents time goes fast real fast .
So why not make them memories now.

AdoraBell · 05/06/2023 21:01

My DH was like this, I told him if he excite them he would put them to bed.

Retrievemysanity · 05/06/2023 21:03

Bed time is bed time not play time so I’m with you but I think you both need to be on the same page with this. Messing about wrestling and play fighting can be done on weekends and holidays if your DH really wants to but it’s not fair to hype little kids up before bed.

readbooksdrinktea · 05/06/2023 21:04

SeeingSpots · 05/06/2023 20:50

It seems so joyless to be getting wound up about him playing with them. Yes they get excited but fuck it they are so small for so little time, you're stressing over bath time everyday, they don't need it and won't remember it. Let them play and push bedtime back a bit.

Agree.

ladymaiasura · 05/06/2023 21:05

What time do they need to get up in the morning? Do they struggle to wake up? Are they ever so tired they struggle with daily activities? If all of these are a “no” then just let them have their time rough housing (though possibly with less of the room trashing) and then calm down with a book for half an hour and shift bedtime back. 7pm seems like a pretty early bedtime.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 05/06/2023 21:06

You are not alone OP! my husband flings the kids around the room, they ask to be put upside down😩 DH pretends to do airplanes with them the lot! To hell with it he even gets the kids footballs (lightweight ones) and starts playing footy with them😳 I feel like I’m like a broken record saying “right it’s time for bed now”, “that’s enough now times up!” Over and over…

its nice they want to play and bond I get that! But during the day when there off school DH doesn’t do it! It’s like as soon as 19:00 hits it’s time for a rave with music on and all sorts!

just wanted to let you know your certainly not alone😉😂

Peppadog · 05/06/2023 21:06

Before reading your thread I thought I could relate to you. My DH gets so annoyed at bedtime and often tells the kids off for being silly and shouts. I hate it and tell him to chill out.

But no, you have the opposite problem. Your kids will have fond memories of their fun loving dad who clearly enjoys their company. They are very lucky. I'd chill out a bit if I were you.

CheeseFiend40 · 05/06/2023 21:08

We have two boys the same age as yours OP, plus a DD age 1. Our routine is home around 5.30, snack (as they’ve eaten already at nursery/after school club), bath, then play before bed. Some days they’re super tired so there’s less time for play, other days they’re full of beans and will love the rough housing.
This never ends up with any of them throwing a cup of water or destroying their bedrooms though?! I’m not sure that can be blamed on your DH.
And yes this does get our boys riled up and over excited, with more time needed to calm down, but this playtime is so important for them and for us. Some times they’re in bed by 7pm, sometimes it’s closer to 8.
I think you need to relax a bit and let them enjoy having fun with their dad, I think he sounds like a wonderful partner and father.

rwalker · 05/06/2023 21:11

It’s not ideal but you only have 90 minutes a night with them to feed bath and bed
no fun and all clam tbh sounds quite miserable

SussexLass87 · 05/06/2023 21:15

Just saw your update...so he winds them up, then tells them off? That's really not on.

Bonding can be lots of different things, but could the hyper / rough housing be limited to Fridays and Saturdays? As a compromise (but also, he needs to deal with the consequences!)

Original poster
DeathInSuburbia · 05/06/2023 21:18

Yeah my 5 year old struggles a bit with impulse control @CheeseFiend40 so if we are all being a bit silly over breakfast he might suddenly throw cereal on the floor thinking it's funny. He actually has SEN support at school because he struggles with boundaries and impulse control...he hugs strangers in the street for example! Sorry didn't mean to drip feed. He loves his dad and is so happy play fighting and being silly but he struggles to understand what is funny and what is destructive....so tends to end up messier than with some kids I guess.

I do think I might be being miserable and tired. I just think my boys need a bit of calm reassurance and cuddles at the end of Thurs days as well as being hung upside down.

Tricky I guess just working late and having so little time with them

OP posts:
cyncope · 05/06/2023 21:24

I'd alternate the days so you do bedtime one night, he does bedtime the next. Then you can both do the bedtimes you enjoy and the kids will have two lots of nice memories - calm snuggles and stories with mum and being tipped upside down by dad.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/06/2023 21:25

Are they tired in the morning? You didn’t mention it so it sounds as if sleep wise they are getting enough even with the later sleep time.

rwalker · 05/06/2023 21:26

Reading your update is there room for compromise u both seem at opposite end of the scale

JandalsAlways · 05/06/2023 21:26

I'd get him to do bedtime. So maybe he relaxes a bit on his own if he needs it, then he can play a bit and do bedtime. Win for you!

Hercisback · 05/06/2023 21:29

There's definitely a middle ground. How about he's allowed the rougher play when they aren't having a bath? They don't need bathing every night so this gives a good balance.

MysteryBelle · 05/06/2023 21:29

Totally get you and yes a bedtime routine is very important not just for the kids but for you to get your rest. My dh did exact same thing. But. Your dh is right. Only an hour with them, make the most of that time. You feel like it’s never ending now but believe me, the time goes by in the twinkling of an eye. They will be teens and then they’ll be gone, doing their own thing. You will look back and be amazed at how fast it went. I thought I understood when little old ladies and mothers of grown adult children would make a point of telling me how it flies by, and look me in the eye. I thought I understood. No, I didn’t. It zooms past like a shooting star.

Do everything you can to be with them as much as you can. Let your dh wind them up. Enjoy, cherish, savor every second. They are little, and then they’re school-aged, and then adults. It’s all good and wonderful, but you’re in that magical world that comes around but once in a lifetime. Take it and throw your arms around it.

MysteryBelle · 05/06/2023 21:31

I just think my boys need a bit of calm reassurance and cuddles at the end of Thurs days as well as being hung upside down.

haha love this @DeathInSuburbia, yes they need both, you’re right.

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