To want my DH to calm the F down at bedtime

[DeathInSuburbia]

Two boys...3 and 5. Both v hyper. DH and I both work full time

When they get home from school and nursery they're exhausted. Almost asleep at dinner. Watch a cartoon or two. Bath. Bed at 7.

Except DH sees this as a great time for play fighting. Throwing DSs around the room, tickling them, blowing raspberries. I mean they are three kids. The boys love it. But they are also so tired and basically start losing it a bit...throwing stuff, pulling their clothes out the wardrobe. It always end up with someone in tears it seems!

Running joke that I'm trying to calm them all down but tonight I was more serious. It takes both of them an hour to fall asleep once they are in bed because they're so overtired and revved up

DH says I'm being a bit miserable and we only see them an hour a day and play/bonding more important than calm bedtimes. Am I being a miserable cow? I feel like one. The three of them really do crazy though and it can't be good for them to be tossing and turning for an hour before sleep.

Do I spund like a party pooper? I hate the role of having to be serious/boring mum. But bedtimes are doing my head in!

I think I’d also tell DH that it’s stressing you out, if he insists on winding them up then he can handle the rest of bedtime too. He’ll soon stop if he’s the one bouncing between rooms whilst you are downstairs chilling with a G&T. I think this is important long term, otherwise he’s going to be cast as the fun parent and you’ll be the nag.

Could you have one last talk to him
about it and explain that although you know they like it they need sleep and relaxation. Maybe you could agree to be a bit more relaxed at the weekend/ holidays?

DS and DH go wild downstairs pre bedtime but it knocks off before he gets in the bath. After that it’s quiet time. I agree that overtired is the worst!

Is there an option to add dinner on at their childcare? Then they can have rough and tumble as soon as they get in. No dinner prep and eating. Then one of you does the dinner for you and dh while the other does the bedtimes. Save baths for two nights a week max.

You and dh eat together when the kids are in bed.

There’s a really good book I recommend you that’s called Raising Boys. I forget the authors name. In it it literally mentions what you describe, dads play fighting before bed & annoyed mums. It’s explains why this is important for boys, brain development etc. it’s really worth a read, my set up is the same as yours I’m a boy mum too & learned lots & felt reassured reading it.

I saw a sleep consultant a few years ago about my DS. She specifically advised us to do rough and tumble play before bedtime. She sent me lots of info on it. There’s lots of info on Google. Example:

https://nurturedfirst.com/help-your-child-sleep-better-with-rough-tumble-play/

Ah this makes sense then about where the rough housing can lead to, although I have read that this type of play is massively important for young children to help learn boundaries, so may actually be helping in the long run?
There are definitely days when either me or my husband will be tired and miserable, and just willing them all to go to bed, then you just end up feeling guilty as you see them for a small amount of time during the week!
It sounds like you’re giving them a good balance of rough play and cuddles, which we also try to do. Often my husband and kids will rough play until someone accidentally gets hurt, then I’m there for the cuddles and kisses, that’s what mums do best :)
Maybe your DH just needs to go a bit easier on the days that they’re super tired. Ours enjoy jumping from the bed onto a big beanbag repeatedly, that wears them out while being less physically stimulating, but great fun!

Agree you should leave him to it. Once he has the consequences of revving them up he might change his mind about it.