Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

What does it matter what you call it?
It’s extremely common these days, whatever label anyone chooses to stick on it.

I've just realised I didn't attend any of my long-time best mate's weddings. One wanted a Caribbean beach wedding and only took her parents, another 'eloped' to Gretna on a motorbike and the third was living abroad - that one I would have gone to but I was too pregnant to fly.

Am in the immediate family kids, yes, everyone else’s kids, n camp

For me weddings are family- but as others have pointed out, if you do a nice venue and you are a bit older and your mates all have kids, then you can be adding 20/30 people who are not really your mates or family.

What does it matter what you call it?
It’s extremely common these days, whatever label anyone chooses to stick on it.

Gentle parenting includes boundaries and consequences, just not speaking to your kids like dirt, physical reprimands, belittling, ignoring causes for behaviour etc. It's generally more respectful and encourages communicating whilst still teaching right from wrong and so on, whilst helping to create resilient and emotionally aware adults.

Permissive parenting means there are generally no consequences, no boundaries, and no actual discipline.

I’m sorry you’ve been to crap weddings, but the 40-odd childfree weddings I’ve attended have been the opposite of soulless. I absolutely love weddings and have luckily not been to a bad one yet!

Speeches on the otherhand… 😂

Gentle parenting includes boundaries and consequences, just not speaking to your kids like dirt, physical reprimands, belittling, ignoring causes for behaviour etc. It's generally more respectful and encourages communicating whilst still teaching right from wrong and so on, whilst helping to create resilient and emotionally aware adults
Also known more simply as “parenting”, to anyone who isn’t an abusive arsehole…
It’s not a new thing, people have been doing it that way for millennia.
Honestly, give it a name and they’ll think you invented it 🤦‍♀️

It's so fun watching family children dance and play
This is what children’s parties are for.

I'd say the cost usually isn't a factor. Having children completely changes the vibe. Well I'd say cost is a factor, in that you're not shelling out loads of money to have some baby cry during your ceremony, then toddlers running around causing chaos later.

I agree that it's usually more about the vibe.

I didn't want children running around at my wedding or getting knocked over on the dance floor.

@georgianwindow OP, genuine question - what would you do in mine and DH’s scenario? planned wedding pre-Covid, Said all babes in arms could come and family children (just 2) but no others as we just wanted a massive piss-up. Covid cancelled the wedding so we had DC 1 instead, plan to have a second soon, and then get married a couple of years later (so probably 7-8 years after the original plan). About 95 % of our guests now have children and we genuinely really like all of them and are really close to some of them. In another couple of years nearly all will have at least 2 kids, some 3-4 kids.

Even if we allow for dropping some people we no longer see, we’d still have at least 100 adult guests. Let’s say 20 of those don’t have kids (mostly older generation). So that leaves 40 couples with kids, so at least 80 kids?! Would you really expect us to invite an extra 80 people to our wedding so that kids could come? Also a wedding with 80 kids is no longer a wedding, it’s a massive kids’ party! Or would you expect us to drop 20 couples and just pick our top 20 and their kids?

because I think both of those options are totally unreasonable!

@Pteryl sorry. I agree. There is a difference between soulless and unfun. All the weddings I have been to without kids have been largely, I think a bloody blast. I think. Just getting older as everyone has kids.. there is an enjoyment from having the young generation there- it brings soul to the event- but certainly no glamour ... As an early 20's wedding guest a kid in sight would have probably made me... well ti be honest avoid it and look forward to them leaving . Now as I am 20 yrs on from that, and don't view a wedding as a mates party, I just enjoy the girls and boys in their finery and look forward to a chat with a 9 yr old more than I do with the 80 yr olds. Kids are lolz. I on the other hand appreciate that people don't want kids , and I just don't go to those weddings. Without guilt or complaining about it.
I am getting in between 40 and 50 birthday parties and they certainly don't have kids!!! Amen to that!

I agree with @Pteryl.

I enjoy child free weddings far more. Plenty of soul too.

Weddings with several children always end up like kids birthday parties and don't feel like weddings at all.

My policy is to decline any and all invites to child-free weddings. I consider a wedding to be a family and friends event - and If my child isn’t good enough to be invited then I’m not going.

Sometimes it comes down to numbers. Friends of ours recently got married a bit older than average, so almost all their friends had multiple children (and we're talking babies and toddlers, not older children who are better able to cope with a long day). At the point they got engaged 20 out of 70 prospective guests were under three. Within six months there were ten new pregnancy announcements. 10! Admittedly this was lockdown when there was nothing better to do. Ultimately they had to say no children apart from babes in arms or their wedding would have been like a crèche.

I’m sure this doesn’t affect the revelry one iota.
(might even add to it…)

We looked at many venues. Ten yrs ago any child over 2 was being charged at almost full whack and counted fully within the headcount. So if you are limited to say 100 at the venue and are already cutting numbers of people from your wish list (not to mention your parents lengthy list of lifetime rellies who've invited them to their children's weddings before you were even born) then other people's children are an easy place to start.

Drunken parents are also often shit at supervising their children or making arrangements for the very little ones to be whisked away after the meal. Not all, I generalise but it's a huge issue with venues that have open water, scenic flights of steps for photos and so on. Our reception venue had no outside space and opened straight onto a busy street. We had a few babes in arms but didn't go beyond that due to headcount limitations and it being a genuinely child unfriendly place to spend an evening (from 5pm. So we regretfully explained we just couldn't do it.

I agree - it is lovely to have kids at a wedding. They enjoy the dancing and the fun and I know that it's a royal pain to be the recipient of the childless invite especially if you'd love to be there but that's life.

If one of my friends went in a strop because I didn’t invite their kids then I would be happy that they declined to be honest

I doubt it's due to individual children and just the cumulative effect. If you invite everyones children, suddenly the price is more, parents are distracted, you probably need a childrens entertainer or something and half your guests leave early.

Wedding used to be a ceremony followed by a piss up in the local village hall, with sandwiches made by someone's auntie and a cake made by the lady down the road. It wasnt a catered, costed event.

Children were free apart from a sticky jam sandwich.

Times change.

As someone not from the UK, I've noticed this too. The Brit mentality of children being "pests" is something I find bewildering! It's not a family oriented culture - such a shame!

I had a child free wedding except for a children in the wedding party i.e. a bridesmaid. The issue was that some of my friends had two or more children which meant that the tables would have had one family of four and two couples or two families and I thought that would be too noisy...it also would have driven up the cost dramatically for a sit down waiter service lunch.

Kids were welcome at our wedding, 7 years ago, but we got married young and there were only 6 or so family children, including DD. None of our friends started having kids at this point.

If we got married now, the kids in our social circle and family would be half the guest limit for the venue!

We just went to a wedding where the only children were the bride and grooms nieces and nephews (with the exception of 2 babes in arms).

with each child counting as a guest, and food being priced per head, I totally see why kids aren’t invited anymore.

That said, our girls were invited to DHs friends wedding but we can then relax and enjoy the day more.

Yet there is a stereotype in a number of European countries that British children are poorly behaved. I’m from south-eastern Europe, and while children welcomed into society, they are expected to learn to fit into society, rather than have society fit around them. That means a stranger wouldn’t think twice about stepping in and disciplining a misbehaving child, and/or telling a parent how to parent. Both things a parent in the UK would generally dislike. Corporal punishment is also widely used.

That said, I’ve been to childfree weddings in southern European countries. More common in some areas than others, but hardly unheard of.

Thank god people are free to do what they want now! That would be my idea of hell!!