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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Will children ever be invited to weddings again

686 replies

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:45

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 05/06/2023 13:41

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 11:59

Wouldn't you just get a cheaper venue then?

Isn't the venue chosen to fit the guest list?

DS got married recently. They are comparatively late in their group of friends to marry and if they had included children there would have been 50+ five and unders. No one wants that! As it was they had one babe in arms and two little flower girls.
Child free weddings are not a new trend . My wedding, decades ago, was child free, as was my sister’s. Though DH’s aunt ignored our wishes and brought his cousin anyway, dressed as a page boy in frilly shirt and satin pantaloons ☹️

P3N · 05/06/2023 13:41

I don't understand why people expect their children to be included in everything.

As a parent I wouldn't expect an invitation for my children to my friends weddings (especially if they are college/uni friends who havent met my kids or have met them a few times).

I went to my best friends wedding a few months ago and one of the fellow bridesmaids had her baby screaming through out the speeches and vows, no one heard a word. It was awful.

CaloundraBlues · 05/06/2023 13:42

I'd be more likely to accept an invitation to a child free wedding over a child friendly wedding, kids change the whole dynamic and not in a good way

FangedFrisbee · 05/06/2023 13:43

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 12:46

Bring “depressed” to be somewhere without your kids is quite bizarre, tbh 😂
How do you cope when they’re at school?!
Honestly, claiming it causes extra stress and depression to attend an event without your kids suggests serious issues.

Do you have children yourself?
It can be quite rubbish to not see them Mon - Fri, and then not see them on the weekend. So you do have to offend friends (and yes, they do get offended, even though they put the restrictions in place), or friends start getting irritated because you attended Barbara's wedding but not Tracey's.

Weddings are not free for guests to attend, there are often costs attached including overnight accommodation, travel, a wedding gift, possibly a new outfit. Adding a babysitter to this list isn't always wanted. So yes, it can and does cause some level of stress.

So dont go then. Don't attend any wedding and just spend time in your 'bubble'

Pottedpalm · 05/06/2023 13:46

Bluebells1970 · 05/06/2023 13:29

Bridezillas. The sort that end up costing their relatives the equivalent of a months spending money by the time you've splashed out on an outfit, hotel and travel, paying for their 5* honeymoon in the tropics as noted on the very dahling little poem inside the invite about not needing anything per se, and obligatory stag/hen abroad. Oh and not forgetting the annual leave you need to take as they book it mid week. It's the final "fuck you" to then add please don't bring your offspring even though all your relatives are coming too and finding childcare will cost you even more.

Tedious as fuck.

Just don’t go; I doubt you would be missed.

OneHundredOtters · 05/06/2023 13:46

I've also been to a wedding where the couples baby wasn't involved. He was only 5 months old. He mad a brief appearance before the ceremony and then went upstairs with a nanny.

It was a delayed covid wedding and they had a registry office ceremony the year before so this was the party and they both wanted to let their hair down. Obviously the original plan was to get married before he arrived.

I didn't think it was that strange really.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/06/2023 13:47

One of the last weddings I was invited to which was childfree, the couple were having major trouble conceiving.

Insisting children should be there, or not going on principal would have been insensitive and pretty unforgivable. I actually couldn't attend for several reasons (DH did though) but the event being childfree was never the issue.

Crayfishforyou · 05/06/2023 13:47

I had a child free wedding. The venue we chose charged the same for a child as they would do for an adult, and the numbers were capped.
There were a few children who attended as my best friend was a single mum and had no babysitter (usually me) and a few other couples who were important family members and were staying overnight.
It was fine.
If people couldn’t come, they couldn’t come.

FernGully43 · 05/06/2023 13:48

Jeez that's an unusual number, op. Are you one of the first in your friend group to have children?
I was at my cousin's wedding last year, loads of kids.
My sister is this year and kids have invites.

picturethispatsy · 05/06/2023 13:50

CaloundraBlues · 05/06/2023 13:42

I'd be more likely to accept an invitation to a child free wedding over a child friendly wedding, kids change the whole dynamic and not in a good way

What a sad opinion on children.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/06/2023 13:51

I've never been invited to a child free wedding and I have been to a lot of weddings! Always had loads of kids running about, dancing and generally having a great time. I am taking mine to one in a few weeks, it is local so my mum is picking them up at about 9pm as they will be tired but will have done the full day but that is our choice to do so.

leaves2345 · 05/06/2023 13:52

I know of more than one couple who had a child free wedding and regret it now that they have their own children (all people who had no children before they married. Everyone I know who already had children when they got married had children at their wedding because they understood how hard it can be to leave a v small child or find childcare).

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 05/06/2023 13:52

I think the attitude of the couple is key.

I have a cousin who hasn’t spoken to me for over 20 years because I “snubbed” her wedding.

At my 18th they met one of my cousins from the other side of my family.

So all of my family was invited to the wedding. As were my two best friends.
Other grandparents were in Australia. I literally had no-one to babysit.

so I couldn’t go and I’ve never been forgiven as I could have found “someone” apparently.

Hannahsbananas · 05/06/2023 13:52

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 12:46

Bring “depressed” to be somewhere without your kids is quite bizarre, tbh 😂
How do you cope when they’re at school?!
Honestly, claiming it causes extra stress and depression to attend an event without your kids suggests serious issues.

Do you have children yourself?
It can be quite rubbish to not see them Mon - Fri, and then not see them on the weekend. So you do have to offend friends (and yes, they do get offended, even though they put the restrictions in place), or friends start getting irritated because you attended Barbara's wedding but not Tracey's.

Weddings are not free for guests to attend, there are often costs attached including overnight accommodation, travel, a wedding gift, possibly a new outfit. Adding a babysitter to this list isn't always wanted. So yes, it can and does cause some level of stress.

I do have children, yes.
I don’t not see them Monday to Friday though, how does that work?

It sounds incredibly odd to be happy with that yet decline a wedding invitation because you can’t bear to be apart from them 🤔

HowNowBrownElephant · 05/06/2023 13:54

Am I the only person who prays that weddings are childless when I get the invitation? Great to have a night off. It helps that we usually have readily available childcare from grandparents (which I appreciate not everyone has) but if not we usually go solo, with the other picking up the childcare.

SnugAsA · 05/06/2023 13:54

I suppose I understand couples not wanting the wedding overrun with loud, poorly-behaved children, but I do think it's a bit sad to completely exclude children who are part of the family/close friends' family.

Then again, when I was married, it was very much a small, low-cost, family-only event, which seems in itself less common these days. We didn't do some of the things that most people today seem to think are absolutely necessary for a wedding, but it was beautifully decorated, people were fed, and we had as many of our important guests in attendance as could make it. It was right for us.

To each their own way, I suppose.

Pottedpalm · 05/06/2023 13:55

ClaraThePigeon · 05/06/2023 13:21

I do agree that not having your own children at your own wedding is bizarre though.

Why so? The child in question is a toddler. He wont understand or remember the event, so why have him there.
Not attending your parent’s wedding used to be the normal course of events.

RettyPriddle · 05/06/2023 13:56

Children make a wedding. It’s a family celebration, so why exclude kids. It’s a polarising issue on Mumsnet, though. We have some great photos of all our friends’ kids and nieces and nephews, at our wedding. But I except not everyone agrees!

RettyPriddle · 05/06/2023 13:57

Accept

retinolalcohol · 05/06/2023 13:59

It's up to the bride and groom really! It's their day and they don't owe someone else's children, who they don't have a relationship with, an invitation.

I don't think id have a child free wedding - close friends and family would absolutely be welcome to bring their kids. But that being said there's certain members of my family that id be unlikely to invite tbh - because I'm not close to them and it's my day!

SerafinasGoose · 05/06/2023 14:00

Hollyppp · 05/06/2023 13:27

Of course it’s true why would I make it up?

It wasn’t cruel IMO, DS had a lovely day at the park, sandpit and splash pool. A much better day than sitting on a hotel floor for 6 hours+

Me and husband got to enjoy our day. It wasn’t in anyone’s best interest to have him there.

I don’t feel bad about it at all.

What a refreshing change.

A woman who makes her decisions, carries them out, doesn't require validation from complete strangers on the internet as to whether or not she's 'selfish' for making that decision, then refuses to feel bad when someone tries to make her do precisely that.

Kudos!

ClaraThePigeon · 05/06/2023 14:01

Not attending your parent’s wedding used to be the normal course of events.

Only because it's not the easiest to invite the unborn. They tend to be terrible at RSVPing.

MariaVT65 · 05/06/2023 14:02

Depends on age of the child. I’d say toddler-free wedding.

I invited 2 children to my wedding, youngest was 6. I would of course also allowed young babies. That’s a bit unreasonable imo.

What put me off was going to 2 weddings where toddlers have ruined parts of it - one screaming all through the ceremony and one screaming all through the speeches.

Serena73 · 05/06/2023 14:04

It's up to the bride and groom but we wouldn't attend any weddings without our children because it was just too much hassle and going on your own to a wedding isn't fun if you don't know most people. Childcare was difficult for us, although we manage it if it was very local.

NotQuiteHere · 05/06/2023 14:06

What a stressful life you have, a wedding every month!