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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think BIL takes the piss?

105 replies

sahayaway · 04/06/2023 16:35

My dad usually pays for four long weekends away every year. He spends thousands of pounds. He wouldn’t accept us paying towards it.

What annoys me is my brother in law plasters photos of the weekend and conveniently only includes photos of my sister (his wife) and their children in them. None have any of us even in the background or when we’re at the restaurant together etc. he even hid that one of these weekends was for my dads birthday, he made no mention of it or had my dad in any of the photos.

If you’re one of his colleagues or friends you would assume it’s him that’s treated his family to a trip away.

OP posts:
SoShallINever · 04/06/2023 17:49

Jojobees · 04/06/2023 16:44

If my Bil put photos of me on his social media he’d be in trouble. I don’t actually understand your problem, is it that BIL isn’t gushing his heartfelt gratitude to your dad all over social media?

Totally agree with this. I hate when people put pictures of me on social media .

JMSA · 04/06/2023 17:54

Grown men accepting free trips away isn't attractive however you look at it.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 04/06/2023 17:54

sahayaway · 04/06/2023 16:45

I think it’s disgusting to accept £5K worth of a weekend away and then pretend you paid. It was my dads birthday and he put “long weekend away” and literally no mention of my dad. I think it’s gross.

So respond to the photos telling everyone your father paid for the break and not him, maybe with the amount thrown in, and that you're letting people know this because it's important.

Let us know how it goes.

AnonKat · 04/06/2023 17:56

JMSA · 04/06/2023 17:54

Grown men accepting free trips away isn't attractive however you look at it.

It's ok for the OP though right? And I'm guessing the sister accepted the gift, but yeah the BIL is unattractive for going with his family.

ChristmasCwtch · 04/06/2023 17:57

He’s posting photos of himself and his family for his friends to see. They don’t want to see his random relatives. Post your own photos if you want to be seen on social media

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 04/06/2023 17:58

SwedishDeathClearance · 04/06/2023 17:48

Why?
Honestly I dont understand why?

You thank the person directly
You dont signal it to the world and possibly humiliate them?

Show quote history

To make a pass agg attack on the BIL in public, of course. Not to thank the father.

Everyone reading would see it wasn't a genuine comment.

DoingSomethingUnholy · 04/06/2023 18:01

I'm not sure why people would think HE (bil) pays for the weekends away, even if it was just his family. Unless he writes something like "treated the wife and kids to a minibreak to celebrate our (whatever)". It's be a bit weird if he posted pics with "thanks to sayhayaway's dad for paying for everything once again, third weekend away this year, wow what a guy" I'd roll my eyes if someone did this.

I don't always post pics of other people I'm away with as it's a bit weird to be snap snapping away especially if you are renting a house and people are trying to relax. I know people who won't post pics etc until they are back home (security reasons), now I think about it we were away recently with some friends who are quite strict on this and it was actually to celebrate their big birthday, I didn't tag or refer to them in any social media posts as I know they don't like it unless on their terms. He probably just respects other people's privacy.

Sceptre86 · 04/06/2023 18:10

You are nit picking because you don't like him. I don't tend to post pictures of my bil and his family on my social media even when we go to the same event. Unless he's captioning the pictures making out he's paid for the trips I don't see your issue?

Iceicebabytoocold · 04/06/2023 18:16

YABU where is he saying he paid for the weekend away?

Vitriolinsanity · 04/06/2023 18:27

Grown men accepting free trips away isn't attractive however you look at it.

Man, you've left your rockers.

MarinatemysoulinSprite · 04/06/2023 18:30

JMSA · 04/06/2023 17:54

Grown men accepting free trips away isn't attractive however you look at it.

We have taken my children their partners and their children on several very nice holidays - and no I don't expect them to say thank you on SM but my son and my son-in law are both "grown men" (my daughter and daughter in law are also both grown women if that matters).

What exactly is unattractive about them saying "Wow - that looks amazing, we'd love to come, thank you"? They get a great holiday that they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford and we get to spend time in lovely places with all the family together.

Sissynova · 04/06/2023 18:33

JMSA · 04/06/2023 17:54

Grown men accepting free trips away isn't attractive however you look at it.

Is it more attractive for him to stay at home while his wife parents alone for the weekend…?

LubaLuca · 04/06/2023 19:50

JMSA · 04/06/2023 17:54

Grown men accepting free trips away isn't attractive however you look at it.

Yeah, pathetic men accepting kind offers. He should have told his father-in-law to shove it up his arse, like a real man.

letsgojo · 04/06/2023 20:05

Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 16:50

Just read your other thread OP

you sound very peculiar, sensitive and lonely

How do you read someone's threads? Thanks

FredaFox · 04/06/2023 20:22

@letsgojo Ive always wondered this!

Glasshalffullorempty · 04/06/2023 20:24

My parents do something similar and have done for many years. In fact at one point they took the whole extended family away and spent tens of thousands of pounds doing do because they wanted to. If a member of the family had pretended it was ‘on them’ I would have been most unhappy.

I don’t think you expect him to go full gratitude but it’s nice to be appreciative. I can afford my own beautiful holidays but when I am with them, I mention it. Its just polite.

Wineismybestfriend · 04/06/2023 20:26

Why does it matter what he posts online? As long as he’s being kind to his FIL and thanks him for the trip that’s all that matters surely?

YABVU!

HomeB · 04/06/2023 20:32

Ha, my ex-SIL does this and everyone I know is bemused by it. She goes on trips paid for by her family and then just posts photos of her and my niece with captions.

Some corkers have been, "Just us baby girl" with just the two of us playing. "Me and my shadow, making it alone" 🤣. There were 14 of them on that particular trip to Lapland but you'd never know it. The thing is, they all have friends in common on fbook that see the other family members photos and it makes her look bonkers. No idea why she does it

SquaresandStarlings · 04/06/2023 20:35

sahayaway · 04/06/2023 16:45

I think it’s disgusting to accept £5K worth of a weekend away and then pretend you paid. It was my dads birthday and he put “long weekend away” and literally no mention of my dad. I think it’s gross.

Yes. You have a point.

Lacoeur · 04/06/2023 20:40

I’d probably think the same as you tbf OP however I do think this is the whole problem with social media. It’s smoke and mirrors! I believe very little of what I see online these days.

tatteddear · 05/06/2023 10:14

Does it bother your dad that he hasn't been publicly thanked for these weekends away? I can actually see why it seems a bit shitty tbh. If you are going to take the time to post a quick 'thanks for father in law for the lovely weekend' added to it wouldn't go amiss I suppose but it's not a huge deal.

BodyKeepingScore · 05/06/2023 13:23

sahayaway · 04/06/2023 16:45

I think it’s disgusting to accept £5K worth of a weekend away and then pretend you paid. It was my dads birthday and he put “long weekend away” and literally no mention of my dad. I think it’s gross.

But he's not pretending he's paid... you're making assumptions based on the nature of his social media posts. You can't possibly tell what his friends or colleagues assume about his holiday and tbh it's quite petty to give it so much headspace.

BodyKeepingScore · 05/06/2023 13:24

jackstini · 04/06/2023 17:15

I would just post "it was wasn't it?! Lovely of Dad to treat us ☺️"

That's passive aggressive and bitchy.

HAF1119 · 05/06/2023 13:57

I think quite a lot of people would post only their household family on SM, I may be wrong! I've always actively chosen to stay off it so perhaps I have a different perspective as anything I see I'm not in them but people know I'd prefer not to be.

It doesn't sound like he's pretending anything though, just posting photos and not putting people in who haven't permitted to be in them

NeverThatSerious · 05/06/2023 14:17

What a bizarre thread.. both the op and some of the answers suggesting you engage in passive aggressive bullshit comments to put BIL in his place.
Personally I don’t think he’s done anything wrong. If I were scrolling insta or Facebook and saw a nice family photo of a couple and their kids on holiday, who’d paid for the weekend wouldn’t even cross my mind. If I saw a post captioned ‘thanks to FIL for this lovely weekend away, what a great treat!’ I’d think they were a bit weird and, frankly, that would make me consider them a show off. And if I were your dad, I’d cringe inside out at the public display of ‘gratitude’

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