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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this friendship is doomed

86 replies

Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 10:42

We recently moved to a new town and I just found out that one of the people I befriended is an evangelical born again christian. I am actually quite shocked that my lovely, kind and cool seeming friend is also a fundamental christian who believes in hell, sin, saving people and is against abortion and homosexuality.

Other than sometimes referring to how much strength she gets from god, she never talks about these things and our relationship is not different from the ones I have with other (mom) friends. She also knows that I am not religious. I thought this would not be an issue but maybe I’ve been naive.

Am I overreacting to think that she secretly believes my whole family is going to burn in hell forever if we don’t embrace jesus and that she may at some point start trying to “convert” me?

OP posts:
MRex · 04/06/2023 10:46

YABVVVVVU and far more prejudiced than your new "friend".

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 04/06/2023 10:46

Previously I would have said YANBU, but I have a devout Christian friend, who is absolutely lovely. She rarely talks about her faith and has never said anything that made me think she was trying to entice me to go to church.

JulieHoney · 04/06/2023 11:13

Don’t be daft. Would you refuse to be close to someone Jewish or Muslim or Hindu?

Having a different faith doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.

TheCentreSlide · 04/06/2023 11:16

I wouldn’t maintain a friendship with someone who thinks gay people will burn in hell and see it as an abomination/sin.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 04/06/2023 11:16

Most moderate Hindus, Muslims and Jews are not against abortion and homosexuality or heathens. The key is the word "evangelical." I would find it hard to be friends with such a person.

DogOutInTheDark · 04/06/2023 11:17

Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 10:42

We recently moved to a new town and I just found out that one of the people I befriended is an evangelical born again christian. I am actually quite shocked that my lovely, kind and cool seeming friend is also a fundamental christian who believes in hell, sin, saving people and is against abortion and homosexuality.

Other than sometimes referring to how much strength she gets from god, she never talks about these things and our relationship is not different from the ones I have with other (mom) friends. She also knows that I am not religious. I thought this would not be an issue but maybe I’ve been naive.

Am I overreacting to think that she secretly believes my whole family is going to burn in hell forever if we don’t embrace jesus and that she may at some point start trying to “convert” me?

My brother is ultra religious. I adore him as he's a lovely lovely guy! He does believe I'll go to hell because I don't believe! But that's his bad! We never discuss religion and I know he loves me despite worrying about my eventual demise! 🙂

It's not your problem! Let your friend think what she wants, and don't discuss religion :) 👍

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/06/2023 11:20

I also have a devout brother. I am as far from a Christian as it's possible to get.

We love each other, enjoy one another's company and... just never talk about religion. I also have a very good friend whose politics are completely opposite to mine... so we never talk about politics.

It's perfectly possible to know and be friendly with people whose views don't align with your own.

DogOutInTheDark · 04/06/2023 11:21

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/06/2023 11:20

I also have a devout brother. I am as far from a Christian as it's possible to get.

We love each other, enjoy one another's company and... just never talk about religion. I also have a very good friend whose politics are completely opposite to mine... so we never talk about politics.

It's perfectly possible to know and be friendly with people whose views don't align with your own.

👍

Allmyghosts · 04/06/2023 11:24

Get a grip.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 04/06/2023 11:25

One of my favourite people is a creationist, I am as heathen as they come, it is fine. I have sometimes worried that I may have accidentally offended them, but I don’t think I have, they have a pretty thick skin…

GeriKellmansUpdo · 04/06/2023 11:26

You choose your friends. You don't choose your siblings.

Createausername1970 · 04/06/2023 11:30

I have an acquaintance who is an evangelical Apple user. Who does try to convert everyone to the world of Apple at every given opportunity. And it's very annoying and why she is only an acquaintance.

I have other friends who use Apple products but have never seen fit to mention it.

Doesn't matter whether it's religion, politics or phones. It's the person that is important, not their views on individual matters. If their views start to become a problem, them lessen contact.

I would keep the friendship going. Go along to church events etc with her, you might me other like-minded people at a cake sale or volunteering activity.

HelpMeGetThrough · 04/06/2023 11:30

Funnily enough, we were sat in the garden talking about this type of thing yesterday.

You probably couldn't find a bigger atheist than me, to me it's all cobblers. My OH is certainly not an atheist. We just don't talk about religion at all. 99% convinced we vote completely differently too, again we do t talk about it.

Problem solved.

Original poster
Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 11:31

Listen I have Muslim and Christian friends, but none of them actively believe they need to save sinners and convert people.

My friend is lovely but I met someone from her church at a lunch she organised and this person went full on “Jesus is our saviour” on me for 30 mins.. which got me wondering.

I had a very religious mom friend when I lived abroad, not evangelical and she never tried to convert me, but she literally cried and confessed she felt terrible knowing me and my infant would end up in hell. It was awkward as hell and our relationship cooled down after that.

OP posts:
PurpleChrayne · 04/06/2023 11:31

YANBU. Evangelicals gonna evangelize.

MrsLilaAmes · 04/06/2023 11:32

I’m curious how you found out. Did she tell you herself a list of what she secretly believes? If so then you have to decide he you want to respond to her, which could be to say I disagree with your position, but I’m happy to still enjoy coffee while our kids play if we can agree to talk about something else.

Or if you found out from someone else, maybe take it with a pinch of salt? Her actions and words to you are probably a better indicator of what she’s really like- and so far that has been a person whose company you enjoy.

Original poster
Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 11:33

I asked her where she goes to church and googled that church. The website is very clear on what they believe.

OP posts:
MrsLilaAmes · 04/06/2023 11:36

If it’s based on googling the church, and meeting a fellow church-goer (sorry for cross post) then I think you should ask your friend directly and see what she says rather than make assumptions. When you know what she actually thinks, you can respond to that rather than to what you imagine/fear is the case.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 04/06/2023 11:36

My friend is lovely but I met someone from her church at a lunch she organised and this person went full on “Jesus is our saviour” on me for 30 mins.. which got me wondering.

Also my experience with evangelical Christians, especially as I am brown, and a certain type of "white saviour" feels like they need to stop me from believing in elephant gods and sacred cows. I now give a wide berth.

Lilifer · 04/06/2023 11:39

Incredible prejudice here. Drop your friend, you'll be doing her a favour.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 04/06/2023 11:44

Aah. So the person who believes gays and heathens should burn in hell is not prejudiced, but the OP is?

MrsLilaAmes · 04/06/2023 11:48

Yes, if she makes assumptions based on stereotypes

GeriKellmansUpdo · 04/06/2023 11:49

Well, I guess she could ask directly, as you suggest.

Wineismybestfriend · 04/06/2023 11:50

Anyone who makes religion or politics their entire personality is not someone who I would be friends with.

However, if they are the opposite to that, I don’t see it being a problem.

Original poster
Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 11:53

Lilifer · 04/06/2023 11:39

Incredible prejudice here. Drop your friend, you'll be doing her a favour.

How am I being prejudiced? You claim the evangelical church she belongs to does not believe non christians will go to hell? It literally says so on their website. They say they believe homosexuality is a sin. I doubt my friend, who spends every Sunday here, does not follow these believes. So yes I have issues with that.

And I do question people who believe that their god will let everyone outside of their cult burn in hell forever.

OP posts: