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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this friendship is doomed

86 replies

Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 10:42

We recently moved to a new town and I just found out that one of the people I befriended is an evangelical born again christian. I am actually quite shocked that my lovely, kind and cool seeming friend is also a fundamental christian who believes in hell, sin, saving people and is against abortion and homosexuality.

Other than sometimes referring to how much strength she gets from god, she never talks about these things and our relationship is not different from the ones I have with other (mom) friends. She also knows that I am not religious. I thought this would not be an issue but maybe I’ve been naive.

Am I overreacting to think that she secretly believes my whole family is going to burn in hell forever if we don’t embrace jesus and that she may at some point start trying to “convert” me?

OP posts:

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 04/06/2023 17:54

Ivanovaa · 04/06/2023 11:33

I asked her where she goes to church and googled that church. The website is very clear on what they believe.

I think if I was this new friend of yours and I found out you’d been Googling my church and making all sorts of assumptions about me based on what someone else said and a website says, I’d steer clear of you.

fancreek · 04/06/2023 17:55

Do you realise that evangelical is not a synonym for fundamentalist?

Has she told you she has any of these views you hate, or have you just assumed?

GeriKellmansUpdo · 04/06/2023 18:13

well, OP has said she will ask her friend. So there will be no assumptions.

Nordicrain · 04/06/2023 18:17

Yes, I would not want to be friend with someone who went on about God all the time, nor someone who was very vocal about their beliefs. Be religious, that's fine and your business, but I don't need that to be put on me. Also, I imagine they would have beliefs that would be very contrary to my own moral compass which I would not find an attractive quality in a friend.

clpsmum · 04/06/2023 18:43

MRex · 04/06/2023 10:46

YABVVVVVU and far more prejudiced than your new "friend".

Precisely this. My friend is a born again Christian and doesn't believe in any of the crap you've assumed Christian's believe in. You're very judgemental and hope your "friend" sees your true colours

Larner · 04/06/2023 18:47

SnugAsA · 04/06/2023 17:53

Well, if you've already made up your mind that she's cuckoo and not worth having as a friend, why start this thread? Just a good chance to gossip about a so-called lovely (former) friend?

Most Christians are perfectly capable of having friendships with people who don't share their beliefs. If your 'friend' isn't one of them, that's too bad, but again, what's the point of the thread?

Well, the xtian in the equation might be nominally happy to offer "friendship" on such basis. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to accept said "friendship".

FrostyFifi · 04/06/2023 18:47

OPs friend had not done this though. It was a conversation with another church member that the friend is being judged on.

JoieDeLivres · 04/06/2023 19:18

i don’t care how lovely anyone is, if they believe homosexuality is a sin and abortion a crime, I will indeed bag you off. I will ask her and if she believes that shit, then it’s clear. Thanks for all the input.

Bag her off then pal! Not sure what input you came for really. Make sure you put your big girl pants on though and treat her to the exact same levels of unprovoked sass you’ve exhibited here when you’re sitting with her face to face.

Holihobbies · 04/06/2023 19:31

Even if the new 'friend' doesn't believe in her churches strict ethos(and what they claim on their social media) she is still condoning their actions by attending that church.

I wouldn't be rude or unpleasant and she is free to her views but I couldn't be close friends with someone who attends a church that is happy to promote such bile.

How would you feel if you introduced her to gay friends and she subsequently spewed homophobia nonsense in their direction.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 06/06/2023 14:24

Butchyrestingface · 04/06/2023 12:00

I am actually quite shocked that my lovely, kind and cool seeming friend is also a fundamental christian who believes in hell, sin, saving people and is against abortion and homosexuality.

How do you KNOW that's what your friend believes? What the official teachings of a particular tradition say and what individual religious practitioners actually believe are not necessarily one and the same thing.

Has your friend actually TOLD you that she believes person X or person Y is bound for the fiery pit or are you assuming this because she belongs to a church whose official stance on the matter is that?

I'm lapsed Catholic and views vary widely among the Catholics I know on many issues, irrespective of what the church's official view is.

Ah. So we're ok then with assuming that people that belong to evangelical religions are hypocrites that pick and choose which bits to believe in? But not with assuming they're totally ok with the doctrines displayed prominently on the church website?

Sounds just like religion tbh. Do as I say not as I do and so forth.

YANBU OP. If she's not overtly displaying it in front of you then maybe you can retain the friendship, but personally, I don't think I could retain a friendship where their church doctrines are so against my own beliefs.

Squiillionaire · 26/01/2024 21:31

I don't think anyone who believes someone is gay should be burned in hell could ever be described as lovely. They may be superficially nice and friendly but imagine what they would think if your son or daughter is gay. Or their own child. They wouldn't be my friend

And for those saying be tolerant if the views of others. Well they aren't are they.

There is a big difference between being religious and bigoted.

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