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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change friends Birthday plans

58 replies

SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 08:54

Hello,

I have messed up and double booked myself!

Agreed to go for lunch with a friend next Sunday as their birthday is mid week but I totally forgot that I am meant to be at a music festival and food tasting event the same day! Already paid for months ago! Not sure how I got the dates so messed up, for some reason I thought the festival was next month!

Not sure what to do - me and birthday friend haven't booked anywhere yet or spoken about it for a little while but I still feel guilty!

However, I can't really afford to loose the money I paid for this festival either! (60 quid)

What would you do? Feeling like a shitty friend.

I think birthday friend is going to be super pissed off, even if I ask if we can move it to another day.

OP posts:
ReachForTheMars · 04/06/2023 08:56

Next sunday is plenty of notice. You shouldn't be scared of telling your friend.

Meeting · 04/06/2023 08:56

Not sure this is such a big deal as nothing is booked.

"Hi friend, sorry just realised I already have plans for the day we were going to have dinner. Let me know if you'd like to do another day?"

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 04/06/2023 08:56

Well if it was a genuine mistake just say that - I'm so sorry but I double booked myself and am not actually around next weekend. Can you do the Saturday/following weekend instead?

Turnthelightoff · 04/06/2023 08:57

You’ve made an honest mistake but the sooner you tell your friend the sooner she can make another plan. It might be good to give her a firm rescheduled plan where you say can you do a particular date and location.

Original poster
SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 08:57

ReachForTheMars · 04/06/2023 08:56

Next sunday is plenty of notice. You shouldn't be scared of telling your friend.

I think this is also part of the issue tbh.

She has form for kicking off and will likely sulk at me for some time

OP posts:
Assignedtoworryyourmother · 04/06/2023 09:04

SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 08:57

I think this is also part of the issue tbh.

She has form for kicking off and will likely sulk at me for some time

Show quote history

Really?
Why TF do you want to go then? She's a shit friend if that's the case.

Original poster
SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 09:05

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 04/06/2023 09:04

Really?
Why TF do you want to go then? She's a shit friend if that's the case.

Show quote history

I don't really know.

We have been friends since school, in some aspects she's a good friend.

Also, I think it's easier being her friend sometimes than not.

Although, as horrible as this is, every friend she's ever been close to bar me have drifted from her and i think this is the reason why. She has huge expectations of people.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 04/06/2023 09:07

Could she come to the festival with you?

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 04/06/2023 09:08

I wonder why...
Don't be a doormat. If you like her, just tell her about the birthday and then ignore the sulk (or tell her to grow up). If you don't like her, stop pandering to a crappy person. Being mates with her isn't mandatory.

Original poster
SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 09:09

underneaththeash · 04/06/2023 09:07

Could she come to the festival with you?

I thought of this but she doesn't like one of my other friends who is going.

Actually physically attacked me and her in 2017.

I forgave her, this friend did not.

Birthday friend claimed she was spiked and has no memory of the incident.

OP posts:
Iwantmyoldnameback · 04/06/2023 09:09

I think it would be kinder to suggest another date so it's obvious you still want to see her.

sonjadog · 04/06/2023 09:10

You shouldn't be afraid to tell a friend this. It suggests your friendship is maybe not something that you should be spending a lot of time on. I am an easy-going person and on several occasions in life I have stayed friends with people who others have drifted away from because of their behaviour. It has always ended with me doing the same, just a good while after the others! I think some people pick up on unacceptable friend behaviour quicker than others, but it the end, unacceptable is unacceptable for everyone.

Createausername1970 · 04/06/2023 09:15

Oh lordy, every update get worse!

I would tell her I can't meet next Sunday, my fault, very sorry and await the ensuing fall out, and use it as a reason to run for the hills and not contact her again

Curseofthenation · 04/06/2023 09:18

Lol, nutty birthday friend can go fuck herself. No one should be scared to admit a simple mistake like this. Ditch the bitch!

Original poster
SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 09:18

sonjadog · 04/06/2023 09:10

You shouldn't be afraid to tell a friend this. It suggests your friendship is maybe not something that you should be spending a lot of time on. I am an easy-going person and on several occasions in life I have stayed friends with people who others have drifted away from because of their behaviour. It has always ended with me doing the same, just a good while after the others! I think some people pick up on unacceptable friend behaviour quicker than others, but it the end, unacceptable is unacceptable for everyone.

yeah she is my only friend i'd feel worried about.

was speaking to my brother about it this morning and even he said oh wow when i told him who i'd have to let down

OP posts:
Graceanddecorum · 04/06/2023 09:22

Contract an unfortunate case of "gastroenteritis" and tell her you've spent all night on the loo. Meanwhile, go to the festival and have the best fun, post loads of videos on Instagram the second she kicks off block. That will show her!

Graceanddecorum · 04/06/2023 09:24

Or just be honest with her and the second she kicks off, tell her "wow you really haven't changed" and proceed to block. 😊

KezzaMucklowe · 04/06/2023 09:25

She sounds toxic.
Imagine if a friend of yours confided in you about a situation like this. What would your advice be.

Original poster
SweetStrawberrie · 04/06/2023 09:33

yeah you're right.

I'd probably say sounds more trouble than it's worth.

OP posts:
SteamFunk · 04/06/2023 09:38

View this almost as a test of your friendship.

Apologise profusely and offer a few other dates. After initial disappointment, if she then sulks and makes it into a big drama then perhaps it’s time to move on.

LaMaG · 04/06/2023 09:39

@SweetStrawberrie Would you like to be my friend? Because I'd love a considerate friend who worries about cancelling plans. Mine seem to cancel all the time often short notice and for silly reasons, or at least reasons I wouldn't cancel. Phone her rather than msg maybe. Sounds like she is a tough friend to have if she is likely to give you grief. Although it makes me wonder if I was a bit more stroppy my pals might think twice about cancelling me! Enjoy the festival

RandomMess · 04/06/2023 09:42

Just tell her today - sorry just realised I already booked to go to X months ago and it's paid for. Which other day would you like to go out for your birthday and where do you fancy going?

If tantrum ensues just say - shall we just cancel altogether then? I'm human and make mistakes sometimes but I have feelings too and this overreaction is uncalled for.

Newgirls · 04/06/2023 09:44

Ah so she’ll kick off because you are going to a fun event that she isn’t welcome at. I can see why you are worried.

you could text her with alternative dates so soften the blow and the leave it with her.

she should have aologised to your other friend a long time ago.

whiteroseredrose · 04/06/2023 09:45

Switch to Saturday instead?

WaltzingWaters · 04/06/2023 09:49

I was going to say just say sorry and that you made a genuine mistake with mixing up dates, sorry but you’ll have to rearrange.

after the updates I say just ditch/distance yourself from this friend. What a lot of drama!

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