To want a baby sooner rather than later

CheesePls · 2023-06-03T20:14:11+00:00

We are due to get married soon, we really want to start a family and I can’t get the idea out my head. Unfortunately we still live in a rented home. We have got the deposit for a house saved but just hanging fire at the moment due to the high rates. I want to enjoy the build up to our wedding, our honeymoon, etc without my mind wandering but can’t seem to at the moment. We did have an early loss of an unplanned pregnancy some months ago which has worsened the broodiness I think. Logically I know we have lots of time and should be enjoying this dual income no kids phase but I just can’t seem to. We likely only want one too unless our minds massively change so there definitely isn’t a rush to start biologically. AIBU (and a bit crazy) or is this normal?

DustyLee123 · 03/06/2023 21:26

Enjoy the wedding and honeymoon while drinking, then start trying.

buddyhollysglasses · 03/06/2023 21:28

Start trying on honeymoon/after you get married.

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2023 21:28

The rates aren't going down any time soon.

PinkPlantCase · 03/06/2023 21:32

I wouldn’t wait for rates to go down OP. The only thing that will happen is that inflation will mean that your cash worth less in a years time than it is now.

Moving house and the affordability criteria for a mortgage is so much harder once you have DC especially if they are in childcare.

If you have the money saved to get onto the properly ladder I’d really recommend doing so before having DC. Or at least find somewhere and start the process before TTC.

T1Dmama · 03/06/2023 21:33

we got married and I came off the pill shortly before the wedding… I timed to you guarantee I’d have a period before wedding, and not be due on again till after the honeymoon….

AlwaysPlayingYellowCar · 03/06/2023 21:35

As PP said I’d buy a house before you TTC.

Marchintospring · 03/06/2023 21:36

Life is short. Don’t get hung up on what everyone else thinks is right. If you want a baby ( because gut feeling you want one not because you think you should or it will fix something) do it.
Life will work round you

quietnightmare · 03/06/2023 21:37

I'd enjoy it the wedding build up the honeymoon and then try but how old are you ?

HeadNorth · 03/06/2023 21:38

Get married, then do what feels right. When we had our first we were renting a one bedroom flat. No regrets- we now have lovely adult children and a beautiful home. Babies don’t need much more than your love.

ConsuelaHammock · 03/06/2023 21:39

Enjoy your wedding and buy your house before you ttc. Rates aren’t going down any time soon. The past few years were an unusual blip and unlikely to happen again.

Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 21:46

PinkPlantCase · 03/06/2023 21:32

I wouldn’t wait for rates to go down OP. The only thing that will happen is that inflation will mean that your cash worth less in a years time than it is now.

Moving house and the affordability criteria for a mortgage is so much harder once you have DC especially if they are in childcare.

If you have the money saved to get onto the properly ladder I’d really recommend doing so before having DC. Or at least find somewhere and start the process before TTC.

Didn’t think of inflation, actually. But of course

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Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 21:50

HeadNorth · 03/06/2023 21:38

Get married, then do what feels right. When we had our first we were renting a one bedroom flat. No regrets- we now have lovely adult children and a beautiful home. Babies don’t need much more than your love.

Thank you ❤️

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sunshineandshowers40 · 03/06/2023 21:51

Enjoy your wedding! I came off the pill 2 months before our wedding and DC1 was born a year later, which was amazing but if I had my time again I would have had the same child a year later and enjoyed a year with freedom and two incomes. How old are u and what does your DF want?

BefuddledCakeBaker · 03/06/2023 21:53

Going against the grain here but don’t wait - life is too short. I spent so long not trying not to get pregnant and waiting until we got married and many years on, we’re still childless despite having what many would view as the perfect set up. Just do what makes you and your partner happy. Life has a funny way of figuring out. Only you know your situation though but just giving another perspective.

Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 21:53

sunshineandshowers40 · 03/06/2023 21:51

Enjoy your wedding! I came off the pill 2 months before our wedding and DC1 was born a year later, which was amazing but if I had my time again I would have had the same child a year later and enjoyed a year with freedom and two incomes. How old are u and what does your DF want?

We’re only in our 20s. He can’t wait to be a dad and start our family, think he’s more excited than me but we have both always excitedly spoken about it from day one. Thank you for your perspective!

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Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 21:55

BefuddledCakeBaker · 03/06/2023 21:53

Going against the grain here but don’t wait - life is too short. I spent so long not trying not to get pregnant and waiting until we got married and many years on, we’re still childless despite having what many would view as the perfect set up. Just do what makes you and your partner happy. Life has a funny way of figuring out. Only you know your situation though but just giving another perspective.

Thank you, I am a big believer in things just working out how they are supposed to but also am one of life’s worriers and want picture perfect textbook foundations for our much-waited for little one but you can only plan so much I guess. I’m really sorry to hear that and hope you get what you want soon x

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SnackSizeRaisin · 03/06/2023 21:57

If you're under 30 i'd wait a couple of years and enjoy your life together. Once you have a baby you will be very restricted for many years and your relationship may take a beating. Take the chance to buy a house, have some holidays, go out in the evening, stay in bed in the morning, wear nice clothes that fit you, etc.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/06/2023 21:58

I would wait if you're in your 20s. Babies don't need much .. until they need childcare! Life is very expensive supporting one or more children for 18 years. I would try to buy somewhere and get some money behind you

Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 22:03

Xmasbaby11 · 03/06/2023 21:58

I would wait if you're in your 20s. Babies don't need much .. until they need childcare! Life is very expensive supporting one or more children for 18 years. I would try to buy somewhere and get some money behind you

That’s true though we heard from family there will be 30 free hours from 9 months old by the time we have one. I researched and understand they’re not free, basically just discounted as you have to pay a top up in many cases. This would make it cheaper for us.

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Plantlady10 · 03/06/2023 22:07

I felt the same way and in the end was 30 weeks pregnant when I got married. We had a beautiful day and I love having the wedding pictures with my bump. Looking back yes it maybe would have been nice to have more child free years, however I wouldn't have enjoyed it as I was so desperate for a child. I was 24 when I had my baby, I say if you can afford it then go for it!

shivawn · 03/06/2023 22:08

I wouldn’t wait for rates to go down OP. The only thing that will happen is that inflation will mean that your cash worth less in a years time than it is now.

This. If you want to buy and you have the deposit then I'd start looking right away. If rates come down after you buy then that will still benefit you.

As far as having a baby goes, I wouldn't be put off my the fact you rent, I know loads of very happy young families who are currently renting.

If I were in your shoes I'd wait until after the wedding and honeymoon to try, who knows what kind of a pregnancy you'll have and you don't want to be feeling sick and exhausted on one of the biggest days of your life.

GiraffeDoor · 03/06/2023 22:15

Buy the house first- mortgage will be much harder to come by once you need to factor in childcare costs, or if one of you drops to part time or stays home altogether.

But then if the baby is more important to you than the wedding, then just go for a small ceremony. Weddings really don't have to break the bank, unless you want them to.

Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 22:19

shivawn · 03/06/2023 22:08

I wouldn’t wait for rates to go down OP. The only thing that will happen is that inflation will mean that your cash worth less in a years time than it is now.

This. If you want to buy and you have the deposit then I'd start looking right away. If rates come down after you buy then that will still benefit you.

As far as having a baby goes, I wouldn't be put off my the fact you rent, I know loads of very happy young families who are currently renting.

If I were in your shoes I'd wait until after the wedding and honeymoon to try, who knows what kind of a pregnancy you'll have and you don't want to be feeling sick and exhausted on one of the biggest days of your life.

Thank you, that’s true! Might not be feeling so glowing

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Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 22:24

GiraffeDoor · 03/06/2023 22:15

Buy the house first- mortgage will be much harder to come by once you need to factor in childcare costs, or if one of you drops to part time or stays home altogether.

But then if the baby is more important to you than the wedding, then just go for a small ceremony. Weddings really don't have to break the bank, unless you want them to.

Thank you x

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Original poster

CheesePls · 03/06/2023 22:39

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2023 21:28

The rates aren't going down any time soon.

Do you not think? I saw somewhere they were predicted to drop next year

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