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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Distracting him from his sport

65 replies

cricketwag5678 · 03/06/2023 16:13

My boyfriend plays cricket every week, I’ll go and watch him most Saturdays depending on the weather lol.
I’ve been going through a bit of a hard time recently and I’ve been worried he’s going to go off me because of it; but he promises he hasn’t.

Today, I go to watch and I can’t find the ground anywhere. His team were batting but he wasn’t in yet, so I tried to ring him a few times and left a message as I was panicking and couldn’t find the entrance.

Anyway, I find it and get there fine. He went in to bat, got out and came back. I made a joke about how I went to go hug him before he went into bat, and he didn’t hug me back. He said sorry, he didn’t see me. He made a joke about “well it’s breaking superstition, I did well last week and didn’t hug you”. But he didn’t say it in a joke way, so I said “are you serious?”

He told me to calm down, it was a joke, then said I “am beginning to stress him out on a Saturday”. He has a game to focus on, he wants to concentrate on that, he can’t put full focus into the game if I’m nit picking him.

He also said seeing his phone to loads of missed calls and messages when I was lost, he “can’t be doing with”. I said it’s because I got lost, and he said “but you’re not understanding that I am playing cricket and am focusing on that”. He said I should have known he wouldn’t have his phone on him, and I could’ve rung someone else.

I must mention that he is captain and does need to keep an eye on the game.

Am I being harsh or is he being unfair?

OP posts:
Nacknick · 03/06/2023 16:15

YABU

CharlottenBurger · 03/06/2023 16:16

How long have you been with this man?

cricketwag5678 · 03/06/2023 16:17

Just under a year. I didn’t see an issue with me calling him because I was lost, yet he took it as “I’m tired of you keep ringing me”

OP posts:
WhereLightGoes · 03/06/2023 16:18

Did he actually want you to go and watch?

It does sound a bit much on your part.

Lefteyetwitch · 03/06/2023 16:18

YABU. You come across as a bit suffocating in this scenario.
So what if you're running late? You weren't batting? He can't help you if he's playing.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 03/06/2023 16:18

Yabu. He is there to enjoy his game and you are being needy and bombarding him with calls.

Hothotdamage · 03/06/2023 16:18

You sound massively short of confidence. Might work on that if you split up or not.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/06/2023 16:19

Give him a bit of space, and find something to do with yourself instead of hanging around watching and overthinking. I would say exactly the same (maybe more so) if the genders were reversed.

Sunnydays0101 · 03/06/2023 16:19

How many missed calls and messages were there. You sound slightly OTT with wanting hugs before the game. Just go along as a pure spectator and let him concentrate on the game?

Ponoka7 · 03/06/2023 16:19

You are really out of order. He's captain and if he's off form is letting the team down. If you want to watch, great, but you independently get there and don't expect him to be focused on you. Why don't you let him have his hobby separately from you? Or are you a cricket fan?

cricketwag5678 · 03/06/2023 16:20

I only called him because I had no idea how to get into the ground. No other reason. I thought it was harsh he moaned at me for that because he was focused on the game.

he said he loves me coming to watch and of course he wants me there but need to “understand his priorities” on the day

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 03/06/2023 16:20

You sound very high maintenance. The man just wants to be left alone to enjoy his cricket. Why not go and do something else for the afternoon and leave him to it? Everyone is entitled to enjoy time out without being pestered by a needy partner!

itsgettingweird · 03/06/2023 16:21

He's right.

He's captain of the team and cannot be answering calls or worried about what another grown adults needs on top of worrying about the team getting it right.

My ds does sport. I drop him off. He comes to find me or texts me if if he wants to see me during the time he's competing. That's if I've taken him as sometimes he's off with Britain and competing abroad!

It's not about me and I sort myself out as an adult. Either watching him alone or generally with other parents we know.

Perhaps you need to find your own Saturday thing instead of expecting him to entertain you as well as do his?

Divebar2021 · 03/06/2023 16:21

Well I would probably wouldn’t be following him around watching him play sport for a start. Don’t you want to do something for your self? And I’m afraid I kind of agree with him… if I were playing I wouldn’t want to be thinking about working out where you and and guiding you in. And the hug? This all feels rather intense and needy - sorry that sounds brutal but it’s how it comes across.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 03/06/2023 16:21

YABVU.

Ponoka7 · 03/06/2023 16:21

cricketwag5678 · 03/06/2023 16:17

Just under a year. I didn’t see an issue with me calling him because I was lost, yet he took it as “I’m tired of you keep ringing me”

Did you have the address and Google maps? You are being too needy.

2reefsin30knots · 03/06/2023 16:22

Would google maps not have been able to give you better help to find it that he would anyway? What did you think he was going to do?

This incident and the fact that you watch him at his hobby every weekend makes you sound a bit needy.

Curseofthenation · 03/06/2023 16:22

Yeah...I wouldn't last long in a relationship with someone like you. You sound very needy and like you can't deal with your own (minor) problems - like getting lost. YABU.

cricketwag5678 · 03/06/2023 16:23

Yes the sat nav took me to a house and the ground was very hard to find. I just thought it was a bit of a harsh reaction to me only calling for help. I called twice, one message, and didn’t get annoyed at him for not answering or anything like that.

He usually likes to spend time with me. I’m often telling him to go inside and not eat his tea with me, but he says he wants to 🤷‍♀️ so just seemed a bit different

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 03/06/2023 16:24

Yeah, sorry, I think you should stop going if you can’t let him get on with it without so much interference.

Isithalfterm · 03/06/2023 16:24

He’s right.

He’s there to be with his friends and captain for 6 hours or so. Let him have at it.

Go only if it’s a family and friends day.

If him being out for the whole day (and possibly an evening or two as well) isn’t your thing, then he’s the wrong man for you.

CovetedAsFuck · 03/06/2023 16:24

I also think yabu and I can see why he’s annoyed.

It seems inconsiderate and frankly a bit useless for you, or anyone else attending as a spectator and grown adult, to ring him for guidance into the ground when he’s there to play.

StrawberryWater · 03/06/2023 16:25

Omg you sound incredibly high maintenance and ridiculous. Do you have any hobbies of your own? If not find one.

Also cricket grounds are not hard to get into. They’re circular / oval. You just walk around until you find an open gate ffs. You didn’t need to ring a million times. It’s not like he’s run off and allowing the drinks lady to play with his mid wicket.

kitsuneghost · 03/06/2023 16:25

Bit overbearing

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 16:32

You do sound very needy OP. Panicking because you can’t find the ground entrance seems a complete overreaction. What’s the worst that could happen? I don’t see that it justifies calling him for help when he’s busy with his team.

also you say you “joked” about him not giving you a hug (which tbh sounds quite passive aggressive) but then get upset with his reply even when he says he too was “joking”. So your snippy comments are jokes but his aren’t allowed to be?

Sorry OP but you sound hard work and it would piss me off too.

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