To want to do my own shopping

[HerefromEden]

Going on holiday to a self catering cottage with DP, kids and parents of DP

The plan was always that we would organise the food shopping between us and I’ve been telling DP we need to go over what we want all week.

He also knows that I am following a strict diet. I have been really miserable and self conscious about my weight since having our last baby (now 14 months) I am still 2st over my usual weight and honestly think it’s making me a bit depressed. After our other children I went back to my usual weight with little effort.

today he announces his parents have organised all the meals & done the shopping.

I say I appreciate they are trying to be helpful but he says I’m being ungrateful and that I can just take my own food and have something else. my Opinion is that this might look upright/difficult/ungrateful.

I don’t want to upset anyone but I haven’t long started out on my weight loss so don’t want to go backwards before I’ve even really got going.

also, it would have been nice for us to cook for them too

I just feel like we should have done what we said we would do originally

am I being a miserable cow?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, you asked to go over what you needed and your dp hasn’t bothered to tell his parents who are probably trying to be helpful. Can you take extra salad/whatever you’re eating or think about portion sizes?

You're not unreasonable, but in this instance there are ways round it. Eat what you want to eat, as long as you don't keep complaining about what others are doing. To be fair, the others might not have wanted to eat in a way that suits your diet.

A bigger question is whether this is indicative of the IL's whole attitude. Will they steamroller the entire week, always being the ones to decide what you're doing and where you're going?

If you can take your own food, what’s the problem?

I low carb and often have different things to other people, there’s no shame in it.

Why do you need go over what you want with DH? Just go buy what you want!

Maybe the in laws got tired of their son and dil going over it and just sorted themselves out. OP and H should do the same.

today he announces his parents have organised all the meals & done the shopping.

How fantastically kind of them. They're obviously trying to make sure you have a relaxing break.

Can't you just try and join in with meals - eat a bit less of fattening stuff and fill up on healthy stuff? You could always take a few food items just for you in case they're having something you don't want to eat. If they're having steak and chips for example, maybe say you're not very hungry and you'll make yourself an omelette.

YABVU

My ILs are anctually incredibly thoughtful and lovely, and I have nothing bad to say about them at all! They do so much for us and I honestly love them like I love my own parents

even more so the reason I don’t want to seem precious about not eating what they’ve organised when they’ve gone to a lot of effort

even more so the reason I don’t want to seem precious about not eating what they’ve organised when they’ve gone to a lot of effort

Well then don't!

Surely you would be having your own meals anyway as I can imagine you would be inflicting your diet choices on all the others for their entire holiday, so I really don’t see what the issue is. His parents have bought food and meal planned, now you can do the same for yourself. No issue.

Also to be clear I never expect everyone else to eat the same as me too!

Why not just say

Thank you so much for all that effort time and expense you've gone to organising food

As you probably know I'm dieting and so will hope can eat with you all but please understand if I take smaller portions or occasionally skip the chips for more salad

Can't wait for our break - lovely family memories

he says I’m being ungrateful and that I can just take my own food and have something else. my Opinion is that this might look upright/difficult/ungrateful.

Surely that’s the only option though? It’s not reasonable for everyone to eat light calorie diet conscious food for all their meals on holiday because you are trying to lose weight. Everyone else eats what they want and then you can do something else if you want something lighter.

Just take your own food, problem solved.

So what’s the problem then? The food shopping and meal planning has already been done for everyone else. You wanted to do your own shopping and you still can.

So if you expected to eat differently anyway, what is the issue?

If you’re not going to be eating the same as everyone else anyway, then surely you just take your own food?!

As in he thinks it’s making a fuss to bring my own stuff and I should be grateful and eat what they cook

so now I feel really self conscious about bringing other stuff like they will be offended by it

Do they eat very different food to you? I think you could take (or buy) extra salad and fill up on that and eat small portions of the other stuff?

Also if they are that nice then just tell MIL the issue so neither of them push you to eat more, pudding etc.

I am doing healthy eating and when we recently stayed with friends who always have a lovely spread, just ate the salad first and chose the better options for me (e.g. hummus and chicken, not pork and sausages and cheese etc, stayed off the booze) and it was fine. I did tell my friend I was healthy eating.

It would be more upright/difficult to cook diet food for everyone else

I don’t see any problem. Just take some extra salad and veg, have smaller portions of what they’ve prepared and bulk it up with the salad. Let them know in advance that you appreciate them sorting the food, and that as you’re trying to lose weight after the baby, you’ll be having smaller portions with extra salad. No harm done. Less effort for you.

When on a diet, planning can be a massive part of the success, I believe. OP says the plan for the holiday was that they'd organise the food shopping between them, which would have allowed OP to have some influence over the meals or at least know in advance how she's going to be eating for the duration of the holiday.

OP says she's "on a strict diet", so "eat a bit less of the fattening stuff" probably isn't an approach that will work, not without feeling flustered about what she can eat at each meal, or feeling that her dieting is unnecessarily being upset. There's a social side, too, which might not be compatible with "I'm not very hungry so I'll just make myself an omelette". OP said it would have been good to cook for them during the holiday, and she presumably would have chosen meals that she knows she can easily adapt to fit her diet.

I wouldn’t take offence, just say, I’m on a health kick so I’ll sort myself out thanks.

I’m sure some of the meals might be fine too, just fill up on salads and eat less of the carbs etc

Well it’s a bit fussy isn’t it? If that’s what you want to do though it’s up to you.
It’s a holiday, it’s a bit over the top to refuse to eat most things the group are having imo. It’s easy enough to just have smaller portions/leave off unhealthy toppings etc. But I can’t imagine ‘dieting’ while on holiday.

I don't understand the dilemma really. You say you don't expect other people to eat your diet food, so you were always going to be eating something different to everyone else. So buy the extra items you want and sort yourself out?

Personally I would eat the same meals as them but smaller portions and avoid snacks, alcohol etc

If they're as lovely as you say I'm sure they'll understand that your trying to lose some weight and want porridge for breakfast instead of a fry up, or whatever.

So he is the issue, not you and not your in laws? Just leave him to have his issues whilst you take your own food and the others eat what has already been bought.

It's a DP problem isn't it, really?

He obviously doesn't get how you are feeling about food, body image etc.

It's tricky when you've got DC. You don't want to bang on about dieting. Surely MIL will get it though?